“BABIESSSSSS!”

tmnt-ii-movie-poster
Come on out of your shell, because Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze is (probably not) the Greatest Movie EVER.

Review in a Nutshell: This one’s a bloodbath. I believe Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze  is a bad movie that does not hold up to starry-eyed childhood nostalgia. My co-hosts disagree. I get to write these blurbs, though, so I WIN! MWA HA HA!

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31 Responses

  1. The fat foot soldiers are my favorite part of this movie.

  2. OMFG! The first TMNT movie wasn’t too bad, and had the respect to treat its absurd premise seriously – but the second one was simply annoying.

  3. Apparently, it helps if you watch it when you’re ten years old. Or drinking heavily.

  4. Funny. I just saw that there was news on the 2014 TMNT film (the Michael Bay produced one) which made me want to relisten to the episode about the 1990 movie and then I come here and see there is a new episode about the sequel.

    But yeah, the sequel is pretty bad. The 3rd was even worse. TMNT (the animated film from 2007) was pretty good though.

  5. Tammy and I were in our late Thirties when we saw it, on VHS – and I was already sober for almost a decade.

    It’s not that I haven’t seen far worse movies that still didn’t drive me back to drink – this one was just…disappointing.

  6. Oh, sorry, Tim. I forgot about your issues with alcohol. I hope didn’t offend.

  7. Paul – it’s perfectly cool. :) I’ve been sober for over three decades now – hence my joking about movies bad enough to drive me back to drink.

    OTOH, now you know why I’ve never watched a TWILIGHT movie – and am pretty sure steady exposure to AUGUST RUSH (we were in a hotel in NYC on Christmas Eve, and Tammy watched it because it was the only thing that even remotely held her attention) would probably put me into a diabetic coma. ::shudders in terror::

    There should be a law against a movie starring a cute child prodigy AND Robin Williams….

  8. Hearing a discussion of turtle penises practically brought this down to “Destroy All Podcast DX” levels of grotesque perversion! Might as well remedy that with this.

    Or if you think you could still take it, try this!

    Hearing of all the Ninja Turtle Memories that have already been made before the podcast came out, I sorta wish I had knew of it sooner. Mine though is at least genuine.

    One Halloween either in 1990 or ’91, my mom made a Ninja Turtles costume for me! She didn’t had a pattern to use as she sometimes relied on the past, so what she did was bought a TMNT comic book from a store and used that to help her design the patterns for the costume (this was the Archie versions mind you). I believe I was Michelangelo with the Nunchuks (though of course these were made of plastic). My junior high had a Halloween dance party that night and I recall making quite a hit on the gym floor with my mad turtle moves (though looking back, I was pathetic). If I ever find a picture of what I looked like in it, I’ll let you know!

    Thank God my pleasant memories of the first movie were not soiled by watching the sequel, since I grew out of the turtles by then I’m sure, also forgot a third movie ever got made, though it’s technically called “Turtles in Time” unless it was promoted as such (the title itself belongs to the sequel of Konami’s famous TMNT arcade game).

  9. I really enjoyed this episode and was incredibly amused by Rachel Pandich. She needs to be on more. Despite Sean and Rachel’s enthusiam, I will NOT go back and watch TMNT 2. I got burned by rewatching the D&D cartoons recently. I’ve learned my lesson…

  10. Oh no……the D&D cartoons don’t hold up? I’ve been wanting to watch them. All I remember is wanting to smash the unicorn with the kids club. Rachel, please do a TMNT podcast.

  11. Paul… You called me “Ryan”. ;__;

    When I met Kevin Eastman, he was a really nice guy. And from what I can remember, his then-girlfriend was attractive, but resembled the comic book version of April; not the cartoon’s. One thing that sticks out in my memory was when “April” was about to light a cigarette and he asked her not to smoke in front of the kids at the convention.

    I remember in the late-1990s seeing a lot of interviews where Eastman seemed especially bitter about the Ninja Turtles and maybe it was his way of breaking away from that for a while that he seemed to have a personality change. I also remember the on-and-off feud he had with Peter Laird got especially ugly around the turn of the century.

  12. Didn’t TMNT turn from a satire of trends in comics into the most blatant example of it once Eastman was eased out of his role in it, Sean Ryan…?

  13. Yeah, the franchise did end up being the new benchmark for comics, toys, and cartoon trends of the time. But that was all during the time where Eastman & Laird were fighting (themselves and the entertainment industry) for whatever control they could get of their creations.

  14. “Yeah, the franchise did end up being the new benchmark for comics, toys, and cartoon trends of the time. But that was all during the time where Eastman & Laird were fighting (themselves and the entertainment industry) for whatever control they could get of their creations.”

    It wouldn’t surprise me if Eastman felt he had enough of that at one point. I guess today he’s sitting pretty.

    Here’s a few more thoughts I like to bring up. I see the guys Paul had on recall their first live-action movies in around the time this film came out. Mine was E.T. in ’82. Just like pointing it out.

    Also Rachel mentioned a movie where the turtles meet their 1980’s counterparts, that was called “Turtles Forever”. They even meet their original comic book selves too! “Turtles in Time” is what some of us think the third movie (though I don’t know it it was used or not, most posters/box art are devoid of it, though the tagline was “The Turtles are back… in Time”).

    OK what else, I suppose I use to be a turtle fan as well, though I only ever watched the earlier seasons of the 80’s cartoon and hardly anything else (toys, comics, etc.). My sis on the other hand was a turtle freak (not of the ninja turtles though, the real ones). Last year she was trying to sell off some of her turtle-related items she collected over the years in a yard sale. Not sure if she was successful with it, but it was funny to think how how obsessive these things can get. She also had a rat for a while, as well as pet turtles at any particular point in time. Thank goodness we do grow out of these things.

  15. Paul, I fully support you reviewing Chuck Norris movies, even if it brings you into the territory of commenting on how much of a chauvinistic closet racist he is.

  16. Both the first and second movies are fine.

  17. Chris- you’re right, it is Turtles Forever. I was hopped up on 2 pots of coffee and got overly excited and misspoke. This is what TMNT does to me.

    Side note: I recently went to a pinball and arcade expo and played the TMNT arcade game no less than 3 times. I grabbed random people and yelled “YOU WILL PLAY WITH ME!” as I threw them into the arcade cabinet. It was awesome.

  18. I agree with Sony CEO, Paul: I’d like to hear you do some Chuck Norris movies, in part *because* I know you’d address how utterly loathsome Norris is, and I think there needs to be more of that out there. There’s still way too much of the “LOL Chuck Norris facts!!1!” crap out there, and my feeling is that some actual discussion of Norris being such an awful excuse for a human being would only help matters, even if would make some listeners whine like great big babies.

  19. Rachel:
    ::I grabbed random people and yelled “YOU WILL PLAY WITH ME!” as I threw them into the arcade cabinet. It was awesome.::

    Is this why Your Husband and Internet Terrorist didn’t appear on the podcast with you…? :D

  20. Travis – what’s worse is that Norris wasn’t always a loathsome excuse for a human being. Yes, he was always conservative and proud of it, but back in the Eighties he was more about Being All You Can Be and pointing to his own upbringing as an example – lower-class alcoholic parents, went into the military because that’s what people with few options do, and discovered martial arts while there. He also used to have a lot more of a sense of humor about himself than he’s had in the last decade or so.

    Far as I can tell, Chuck Norris going over to the Dark Side is one of those reasons Mike Huckabee is a strong contender for The False Prophet from Revelations….

  21. Paul, you said in this podcast that if someone has done some dirt in their past, or if you don’t agree with their politics/philosophy, you HAVE to bring that up.

    a) Why?
    b) OK, so you have to. This is your podcast. Why eliminate someone like Chuck Norris from film discussion. Elmo dude has actually acted on bad impulses. Chuck Norris, as far as I know, has done nothing but go on news shows and voted for dudes you don’t vote for. Kevin Clash gets a pass over him?

  22. Oh, also, Donatello is macking on April O’niel, FULL FORCE, on the current Turtles cartoon. I wish you all could discuss the new show, but not enough of you watch it for that. A cross-species slashfiction debate needs to be had!

  23. Chuck Norris has done more than “just vote for a few dudes you didn’t vote for”, VishucSmith – he’s also agitated, aggressively, for Social Conservative causes like opposition to Marriage Equality and Women’s Choice. THAT alone, IMO, means he deserves any smack down he gets….

    That said – Kevin Clash…that’s just not right.

  24. Kevin Clash being a sexual predator is certainly something that needs to be addressed when you talk about any work involving him. That being said, Kevin Clash doesn’t use his image in the media as a weapon to further oppress already marginalized people. Chuck Norris does, and that’s why I’m loath to give Norris any more attention than he already has.

  25. understand, but that puts you in an odd spot if you watch a movie, you think it deserves to be discussed on your podcast, then it turns out its star is dirty.

    Hey, it’s a podcast. You don’t do this for ratings. You don’t need Chuck Norris movies to get the numbers up.

    I come from it at a different angle that you do. If I did share your approach, I would pick one of Norris’ worst films, and use some podcast time to slag him off- rather than avoid him entirely.

  26. VichusSmith – the problem is, Paul could rank out on Chuck Norris’s movies at huge PoSes (in most cases, with some justice) – and he’d still be giving him and those movies a Pop just by talking about them. After all, the entire ironic point of THE GREATEST MOVIE EVER Podcast is to get people interested in (usually) trashy movies of one kind or another – he and Kathryn’s hilarious early review of GYMKATA was so great, it made me want to see the movie again, even though I remember it being stultifying and idiotic.

  27. People will invest in the entertainment they invest in, no matter what you recommend, or how good you make it sound. Anyway, what if it’s an out of print film? Who would be able to purchase it?

    OK, so Paul’s done the crowdfunding thing. What if Norris, or someone like him, comes up as a request? What then?

  28. People will invest in the entertainment they invest in, no matter what you recommend, or how good you make it sound.

    If you don’t feel Paul’s movie discussions influence your viewing decisions, VishusSmith – then why do you even listen to his show? It’s an obscure movie/television/popular culture review program, albeit one with Paul’s, and Mom’s, and Kathryn’s, and Sean’s, and Tom and Rachel Pandich’s, and Surrat’s, and anybody else he ropes in’s idiosyncratic viewpoints.

    While it’s not just a consumer guide, it is there to tell you of movies, anime, television shows and books/graphic novels you may or may not want to consume, and why. Even the out-of-print shows are useful, in the way bootlegs are – to let the distributors know there’s a market for their back catalog/obscure content they have yet to release officially.

    In the highly unlikely event Chuck Norris or His Lord and Master The Pharisee Mike Huckafuck even knows who Paul is, then I would imagine Paul would do the request to the best of his ability – albeit informing us (as he always does) that this came from his crowdsourcing campaign, and does not reflect his personal views.

    I think the more important point is – Why Is This An Issue To You? Do you hope to browbeat Paul (or I) into accepting your political views…?

  29. Huh? Why would I only desire an echo chanber for my own opinions? I enjoy Paul Chapman because he’s Paul Chapman. I don’t want to listen to a clone of myself.

    There is no possible way I could force people to see things my way, so I’ve never been one to do that. In fact, I have divorced myself largely from political discussion, in real life, or on a computer screen. I’ve given you no idea of where I am on the political spectrum. Philosophically, I have, but politically, I don’t know that you could say whether I’m with you or not.

    When I comment, I’d like to have a discussion, for however long that discussion goes on. That is all. It’s interesting to me to see where people are coming from, which goes right back to what I said at the beginning of this comment.

  30. Okay, that’s a fair enough cop, VichusSmith – I just wasn’t sure, since most people who disagree with Liberals or Progressives just it Just To Muzzle Them.

    Anyway, I listen to Paul’s show to see what interests him about movies -and because, unlike most movie review podcasts, he actually has women on to talk about movies. Sure it’s his Mom and his sister – that makes it cooler to me, because Paul may not think it but he’s got a pretty awesome family! :)

  31. I don’t know where you got that liberal/progressive muzzling stat, but whatever.

    Yeah, his family is cool. Speaking of females, let’s not forget The Rachel Pandich. Please don’t forget her- she’ll come after us!!

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