We forgot to mention Gedde Watanabe.

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Sharpen your daggers, because 47 Ronin is (not) the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the title or the movie poster above to download our review of the film, featuring Gerald Rathkolb of AnimeWorldOrder.

Review in a Nutshell: Combine a dubious choice of subject matter, cultural appropriation / whitewashing / racebending, an overblown budget, an unnecessary 3D post-conversion treatment, numerous delays, studio interference, a novice director, deceptive marketing, and an indifferent film-going audience and you get a recipe for disaster. As a movie, 47 Ronin is bland with a few entertaining moments, but as an exercise in how not to make a movie, it is fascinating.

It’s my Pain, It’s my Loneliness.

fist-of-the-north-star-eastern-star

Hold onto your entrails, because Fist of the North Star (1986) is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the DVD cover or the title above to download our review of the film,

featuring Daryl Surat of AnimeWorldOrder and M.O.M., the Mistress of Malapropisms.

Review in a Nutshell: A compilation film encapsulating a huge chunk of a television series that ran for over 150 episodes, Fist of the North Star is a movie that doesn’t bother to apologize or explain. It’s an acquired taste, and at best an unlikely starting point for budding anime fans.

We completely forgot to mention:

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This ship.

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The Mud Golem scene.

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Jeff Tatarek’s Horse.

Swinging on a Star

Coming from a time when cappuccino was an unknown thing, Hudson Hawk is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the DVD cover or the title above to download our review of the film,

featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell: An R-rated adventure-comedy that vacillates between cartoonish violence and realistic brutality, Hudson Hawk is a movie that feels like a throwback to earlier heist films on one hand, yet was also seems at least ten years ahead of its time with its tale of Da Vinci conspiracy, mobsters, singing cat-burglars, and frothy Italian coffee drinks.

Gotta Go Fast.

speed_racer

Fuel up the Mach 5, because Speed Racer is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film,

featuring Daryl Surat of AnimeWorldOrder and Thomas Pandich.

Review in a Nutshell: Critically savaged and commercially unsuccessful, Speed Racer is a visually imaginative family film directed by the Wachowskis. Some people will not be able to enjoy the film’s super-saturated color palette and kinetic editing, but upon re-watching it, I discovered a film with a surprisingly resonant emotional core.

You Can’t Hit Me With Your Slow Bullets.

versus

Sharpen up your katana, because Versus is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the DVD cover or the title above to download our review of the film,

featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting and Daryl Surat of AnimeWorldOrder.

Review in a Nutshell: Frenetic, funny, and action-packed, Versus is a genre-bending action / horror / Yakuza picture with a mystic twist. It’s an independent movie with a small budget and a big heart.

This movie poster is entirely accurate.

conquest_poster_01

Polish up your golden, spiked bikini because Conquest is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the (ENTIRELY ACCURATE) movie poster or the title above

to download our review of the film, featuring guest host Oli Bulmer.

Review in a Nutshell: A dark fantasy Spanish / Italian / Mexican co-production that cribs liberally from such films as Conan the Barbarian, Clan of the Cave Bear, Clash of the Titans, and Beastmaster, Conquest is long on smoke machines and short on plot. Expect wolf men, cave men, swamp mummies, and bows that shoot lasers. It’s a very strange film which I think everyone should watch, because Lucio Fulci is a weird dude.

When is a Pony not a Pony?

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Saddle up, because My Little Pony: Equestria Girls is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Kara Dennison of conscrewDOTcom and celebrity translator Neil Nadelman.

Review in a Nutshell: It’s tough to review Equestria Girls in a vacuum since it’s not so much a standalone film as an “Elseworlds” side-story packed with heavy fan-service and inside jokes. We were all pleasantly surprised that we enjoyed it.

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