The Ballad of Duck Cheesecake

Hold onto you noses, because Conan the Barbarian (2011) is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Dave and Joel from Fast Karate for the Gentleman.

Review in a Nutshell:  Although the film contains good casting and some truly hilarious moments, the new Conan film is missing a certain something that puts our guest hosts ill at ease.  Paul still considers it to be the “feel-good family comedy of the year.”

Ruining Katherin’s Childhood (Again)

Hold onto your Omega Hedrons, because Supergirl is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring the return of Katherin “the Great”.

Review in a Nutshell:  A super hero film from a more innocent time, Supergirl seems painfully unsophisticated by modern standards.  Nonetheless it has some interesting imagery and a plot that can best be described as “completely bonkers”.

This movie contains:

Drunken Wizards.

KILLDOZER!

A Black Magic Woman.

Revenge of the Ugly Puppy Syndrome

Fire up your motorcycle, because Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Daryl Surat of AnimeWorldOrder and Rachel Pandich, author of Aspire.

Review in a Nutshell:  This movie is enjoyably terrible, and the review strays into some surprisingly intellectual territory.  We are all shameless Nicolas Cage apologists. Do not believe our lies.

On Artful Dodgers and Tangerine Dreams…

Break out the vomit bucket, because The Garbage Pail Kids Movie is (definitely not) the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring co-host Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell:  Half heart-warming kid’s movie with a message, half boorish toilet humor comedy, this film is painfully unwatchable.

Punching Snakemen, Savin’ the President

Hook up the electrodes, because Dreamscape is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell:  Aside from a questionable “dream invasion” or two, Dreamscape is a fun little film that plays with the idea of psychic powers and dream manipulation.  Despite having a small budget, it has numerous strong performances and some decent special effects.

This movie contains:

SCIENCE!

The nefarious George Wendt?

Tragic Snake Face.

Continue reading

Julian Sands, Handsome Devil

Hide the druid stones, because Warlock: The Armageddon is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell:  Perhaps it was in questionable taste to release a review of a violent, supernatural horror movie filled with druids and dark magic on Easter Sunday…

Continue reading

Bonus Content: Foucault’s Pendulum

I’m busy this week with homework and magazine deadlines, so instead of a normal GME! episode, I’m posting a link to my guest appearance on Jon Brescia’s book club podcast, in which Jon and I discussed Umberto Eco’s deconstructionist conspiracy theory novel, Foucault’s Pendulum.  As usual, spoilers abound.  Click on the book cover or title above to download the podcast.

Good-bye, Legacy.

Hold onto your golden tickets, because Last Action Hero is (probably not) the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring shameless Last Action Hero apologist, Sean ‘Hollywood’ Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell:  Part meta-narrative.  Part satire of violent Eighties action movies.  Part heart-warming children’s film.  Last Action Hero is a film with an identity crisis.

Mysterious Muscle Crossover: Poe Knows Sinbad

Hoist the anchor and mind the mizzenmast, because Sinbad (1989) is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the VHS cover or the movie title above to download our review of the film, featuring guest host Keith Allison of Teleport City and The Mysterious Order of the Skeleton Suit.

Review in a Nutshell:  A delightfully lunatic children’s fantasy hobbled by dreadful pacing and a bare-bones budget, Sinbad is nevertheless the Greatest Movie EVER to feature sock-puppet piranhas, rock monsters, and Lou Ferrigno punching his meaty fist through the Legions of the Damned.

This movie contains:

A Lost Viking.

Amazons.

Glamazons.

John Steiner, Paragon of Acting Technology.

PURE MANLINESS!

(No Skeleton Suits were Harmed in the Creation of this Post.)

Michael Preston is a Wicked Wizard who Conquers the Space

Gather up your magic power crystals, because Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review, featuring guest host Mike Toole.  (He’s from the Internet.)

Review in a Nutshell:  Shamelessly cribbing from numerous other films such as Mad Max and Star Wars, Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn is an inappropriately named piece of low-budget science fantasy.  Originally released in stereoscopic 3-D, this ambitious but incomprehensible little gem has been rescued from obscurity by a terrible DVD release.  (It’s also on Netflix Instant at the time of this writing.)

This movie contains:

Evil Australian Necromancers.

Cyborg Justice?

Jeffrey Byron’s One Facial Expression.

Crystar, the Crystal Warrior?

What’s wrong with your faaaaaaaace?

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