“BABIESSSSSS!”

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Come on out of your shell, because Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze is (probably not) the Greatest Movie EVER.

Review in a Nutshell: This one’s a bloodbath. I believe Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze  is a bad movie that does not hold up to starry-eyed childhood nostalgia. My co-hosts disagree. I get to write these blurbs, though, so I WIN! MWA HA HA!

It’s my Pain, It’s my Loneliness.

fist-of-the-north-star-eastern-star

Hold onto your entrails, because Fist of the North Star (1986) is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the DVD cover or the title above to download our review of the film,

featuring Daryl Surat of AnimeWorldOrder and M.O.M., the Mistress of Malapropisms.

Review in a Nutshell: A compilation film encapsulating a huge chunk of a television series that ran for over 150 episodes, Fist of the North Star is a movie that doesn’t bother to apologize or explain. It’s an acquired taste, and at best an unlikely starting point for budding anime fans.

We completely forgot to mention:

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This ship.

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The Mud Golem scene.

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Jeff Tatarek’s Horse.

Gotta Go Fast.

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Fuel up the Mach 5, because Speed Racer is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film,

featuring Daryl Surat of AnimeWorldOrder and Thomas Pandich.

Review in a Nutshell: Critically savaged and commercially unsuccessful, Speed Racer is a visually imaginative family film directed by the Wachowskis. Some people will not be able to enjoy the film’s super-saturated color palette and kinetic editing, but upon re-watching it, I discovered a film with a surprisingly resonant emotional core.

“Who’s the Master?”

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You’ve got the Glow, because Berry Gordy’s The Last Dragon is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the DVD cover or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell: The Last Dragon is an uneven movie. Half musical, half martial arts journey, the film suffers from a weakly-written protagonist played by a talented young athlete with no previous acting experience. It falls to the supporting cast – especially Julius J. Carry III as Sho’Nuff, the Shogun of Harlem – to carry the film.

‘Expertise and Child for Rent’

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Get ready to walk the Road to Hell, because Shogun Assassin (aka Lone Wolf and Cub) is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the British DVD cover or the title above to download our review of the film,

featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell: A mash-up of the first two Lone Wolf and Cub films, Shogun Assassin stands on its own merits thanks to its original contributions, such as the weird electronic soundtrack and Daigoro’s voice-over. It’s an excellent introduction into the world of chanbara and jidaigeki films.

It’s actually pronounced LUM-bear.

Buy those tickets to bunraku, because The Hunted (1995) is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the DVD cover of the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell:  The Hunted (1995) is a movie with an identity crisis.  Half of the film is a modern samurai vs ninja drama, a nihilistic tale of men with antiquated values carrying out their ancient war in the streets of modern Japan.  The other half is Christopher Lambert being a total goober.

Ninja Rides the Elevator

Sharpen up those sais, because Enter the Ninja is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell:  The progenitor of the Eighties Ninja Craze, Enter the Ninja is a low-budget shinobi caper with a strangely dry sense of humor.  Watch it for hook-handed German henchmen, cock-fighting, arrow gags, and Franco Nero’s fabulous mustache.

Occupy Omni Consumer Products?

Fuel up the jet pack and unpack the robot ninjas, because RoboCop 3 is definitely not the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell:  Urban revolutionaries, machine gun arm attachments, and Mohawk-sporting goons…somehow it all goes terribly, terribly wrong in this film directed by Fred Dekker and written by Frank Miller.  Not even Rip Torn can save this movie.

“Cyberpunk? NAJICA!?!”

Jack into your virtual reality headset, because Johnny Mnemonic is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the poster or the movie title above to download our review of the film, featuring Dave and Joel from Fast Karate for the Gentleman.

Review in a Nutshell:  Johnny Mnemonic is a poor adaptation with a surprisingly high number of hilarious things going on it.  It’s proof positive that some authors should not be allowed to adapt their own work.

This movie contains:

The Internet!

Udo Kier, being Udo Kier.

“Send you down to Rikerth, wear an orange jumpthuit!”

Dr. Henry Rollins, Cybersurgeon Extraordinaire.

FINAL THOUGHT:

Johnny Mnemonic, the Highlight Reel.

Chevy Nova?

Strap on your bandana, because Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell:  Nostalgia notwithstanding, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles holds up surprisingly well for a children’s film.  The action and humor are solid, and the special effects and puppetry still look great even 20+ years later. 

This movie contains:

Ninjas.

Casey Jones.

Underage Smoking.

Sam Rockwell!?!

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