You Can’t Hit Me With Your Slow Bullets.

versus

Sharpen up your katana, because Versus is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the DVD cover or the title above to download our review of the film,

featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting and Daryl Surat of AnimeWorldOrder.

Review in a Nutshell: Frenetic, funny, and action-packed, Versus is a genre-bending action / horror / Yakuza picture with a mystic twist. It’s an independent movie with a small budget and a big heart.

Once Again, Space Vampires. Maybe.

pov

Squeeze into your patent leather jumpsuit, because Planet of the Vampires is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film,

featuring Jeremy of Destroy All Podcasts DX.

Review in a Nutshell: A pulpy science fiction / horror film made on no budget whatsoever, Planet of the Vampires nevertheless succeeds because of Mario Bava’s invasive cinematography, the weird aesthetics, and the clever twist. The film conveys a strong sense of tension throughout.

Pre-Convention Double-Feature

bladeII

I’m going to be out-of-town next week, attending the Florida Anime Experience as a guest and running panels. So here are a pair of podcasts to tide you over in the mean time. CLICK HERE or on the poster above to download our review of Blade 2, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting. CLICK HERE or on the poster below to download our review of Cabin in the Woods, featuring Thomas Pandich and Franklin Raines.

the-cabin-in-the-woods

Naked Space Vampires

lifeforce_poster

Hold onto your precious essence, because Lifeforce is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring the UK’s own Ollie Bulmer.

Review in a Nutshell:  Great special effects, droll British performances, and the lovely Mathilda May can’t prevent this troubled Golan / Globus production from being tugged in too many different directions at once.  Is this the Greatest Movie EVER?  Ollie and I disagree.

“Werewolves Kick the @#$% out of Vampires, Part 1″

Break out the repeating crossbows, because Underworld: Rise of the Lycans is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or movie title above to download our review of the film.

Review in a Nutshell: Underworld: Rise of the Lycans is the best of the Underworld series, mostly because it riffs on Lord of the Rings rather than The Matrix.  Also, this time the vampires finally get what’s coming to them.

This movie contains:

Ugly Vampires.

Scruffy Werewolves.

‘Unconfirmed’ Kills.

Fat Man in Trenchcoat with Sword, Killing Vampires

Hold onto your viscera, because Against the Dark is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell:  A messy, straight-to-DVD action / horror movie, Against the Dark begs the question:  Which is the real lumbering, undead monster?  A vampire?  Or Steven Seagal’s career?

“Wolfman’s got Nards.”

The Greatest Movie EVER!

Packed to the brim with yummy eighties goodness,

The Monster Squad is the Greatest Movie EVER!

This movie contains:

Dracula is a Pimp.

Dracula.

Hair Face Chippendale?

The Wolf-Man. (AWOOOOOO!)

Ignatius T. Gillman, Esq.

The Creature from the Black Lagoon.

Insert 'Mummy' Pun here.

The Mummy.

Kodak is bogus?

Frankenstein’s Monster.

This movie also contains:

My role model.

Don't mess with Fat Kid.

Children with a staunch belief in the Second Amendment.

COMING SOON!
Tim Robbins in Jacob's Ladder

Tim Robbins has issues…

Tarzanhelsing!

The Greatest Worst Movie EVER!

Despite it’s lack of both plot and character, Van Helsing is the Greatest Worst Movie EVER.

This film contains:

Not appearing in this film.

Mysterious Strangers…

He's super.  Thanks for asking.

Gay Werewolves…

DR 100 / anything

Practical Combat Outfits!

 

CLOSING THOUGHT!

Hit it in its Weak-Spot for Massive Damage!

God Bless Uwe Boll


It doesn’t take a rocket-scientist to realize that BloodRayne is the Worst Movie EVER. And yet, I think the entire world should watch it. Everyone must know my pain.

 

On a side note, if it sounds like my voice is being strained through the guts of a cybernetic monkey, that’s because I had one of the quality settings incorrect when I recorded this. I apologize in advance.

 

2 Minutes, 57 Seconds In:

Kristanna Loken. She’s a cutie.

 

3 Minutes, 18 Seconds In:

Sir Ben Kingsley in another outrageous wig.
This is the only expression he uses in the entire film.

 

5 Minutes, 2 Seconds In:

Michael Madsen does not know how to swing a sword.

 

5 Minutes, 22 Seconds In:

Damostir, Kagan’s chief thrall. I dig his punk-rock haircut.

 

9 Minutes, 41 Seconds In:

MEATLOAF!!! OH SNAP!

 

CLOSING THOUGHT!
For all those that are not yet convinced
that this movie was made under the influence of intoxicating substances:

Purple haze / up in my brain!

 

COMING SOON!

This photo makes me think naughty things.

Hot Chix with Swordz


In flagrant defiance of all evidence to the contrary, Ultraviolet is the Greatest Movie EVER.

 

4 Minutes, 37 Seconds In:

Nick Chinlund as Daxus. I love this guy.

 

8 Minutes, 22 Seconds In:

Cameron Bright as Six. Not quite so loveable.

 

CLOSING THOUGHT!

Come on, Katherine, the movie wasn’t THAT bad…

 

COMING SOON!

Wait…what?

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