“BABIESSSSSS!”

tmnt-ii-movie-poster
Come on out of your shell, because Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze is (probably not) the Greatest Movie EVER.

Review in a Nutshell: This one’s a bloodbath. I believe Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze  is a bad movie that does not hold up to starry-eyed childhood nostalgia. My co-hosts disagree. I get to write these blurbs, though, so I WIN! MWA HA HA!

This movie poster is entirely accurate.

conquest_poster_01

Polish up your golden, spiked bikini because Conquest is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the (ENTIRELY ACCURATE) movie poster or the title above

to download our review of the film, featuring guest host Oli Bulmer.

Review in a Nutshell: A dark fantasy Spanish / Italian / Mexican co-production that cribs liberally from such films as Conan the Barbarian, Clan of the Cave Bear, Clash of the Titans, and Beastmaster, Conquest is long on smoke machines and short on plot. Expect wolf men, cave men, swamp mummies, and bows that shoot lasers. It’s a very strange film which I think everyone should watch, because Lucio Fulci is a weird dude.

Pre-Convention Double-Feature

bladeII

I’m going to be out-of-town next week, attending the Florida Anime Experience as a guest and running panels. So here are a pair of podcasts to tide you over in the mean time. CLICK HERE or on the poster above to download our review of Blade 2, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting. CLICK HERE or on the poster below to download our review of Cabin in the Woods, featuring Thomas Pandich and Franklin Raines.

the-cabin-in-the-woods

“Waiter, what’s this werewolf doing in my soup?”

american_werewolf_in_london_-poster

Beware the moon, because An American Werewolf in London is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Internet Terrorist (and Master of Air Sex) Thomas Pandich.

Review in a Nutshell: An old-fashioned horror tale with plenty of humor to lighten the mood, An American Werewolf in London also set the standard for on-screen transformation sequences that has yet to be surprassed.

Flower, Ew?

Break out the silver bullets, because Monster Dog is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, feauting Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell:  Staggeringly terrible rubber werewolf puppets mixed with spooky cinematography and a great location, Monster Dog is not quite Troll 2 levels of awesome, but it comes awfully close.

The Merry Adventures of Tito and The Wolfman

Zip up those yellow jumpsuits, because Turkey Shoot is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Oliver from the Welcome to the Brain Palace Podcast.

Review in a Nutshell:  An inexplicable mash-up of “women in prison” and “most dangerous game” films, Turkey Shoot is alternatively considered the apex and the nadir of Australian exploitation film.

This movie contains:

Friendly Fascists.

An Arrow Through the Mouth.

A Dapper Wolfman.

Not to be confused with Werewolf Women of the S.S.

Break out the flea collars, because Howling 2: Your Sister is a Werewolf is The Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring special guest host Keith Allison from Teleport City.

Review in a Nutshell:  Featuring titanium bullets, new wave rockers, and an eight thousand year old werewolf matriarch, Howling 2: Your Sister is a Werewolf is a stupifyingly terrible film.  It’s the cinematic equivalent of being hit in the helmet by a morningstar-wielding midget.  Watch it with someone you love.

This movie contains:

Christopher Lee in Raver Shades.

Black Magic.

Force Lightning.

Ugly American Tourism.

“Werewolves Kick the @#$% out of Vampires, Part 1″

Break out the repeating crossbows, because Underworld: Rise of the Lycans is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or movie title above to download our review of the film.

Review in a Nutshell: Underworld: Rise of the Lycans is the best of the Underworld series, mostly because it riffs on Lord of the Rings rather than The Matrix.  Also, this time the vampires finally get what’s coming to them.

This movie contains:

Ugly Vampires.

Scruffy Werewolves.

‘Unconfirmed’ Kills.

Beware of Dog

Watch for the Werewolf Break, because The Beast Must Die is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell: The Beast Must Die is a quirky hybrid of murder mystery and werewolf movie with a stellar cast that was filmed at the beautiful Shepperton Studios in England. The film’s salient features are the Werewolf Break and the fact that the werewolf was played by a large, fluffy dog.

This movie contains:

Ground Mics!

Obnoxious House Guests.

Dog on the roof. DOG ON THE ROOF!

Exploding Helicopters.

Bad Moon, or Bad Touch?

Blame it on the family dog, because Bad Moon is the Greatest Movie EVER!

This movie contains:

Faithful Family Pets.

Nasty Werewolves.

Creepy Uncles.

FINAL THOUGHT:

This is not the expression I would make in reaction to an impending Werewolf mauling.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 130 other followers