Stealth Polar Bear is Stealthy.

Frankenstein_Theory_Poster_1_18_13

Strap on your snow shoes, because The Frankenstein Theory is (probably not) the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film,

featuring Katherin the Great.

Review in a Nutshell: A fairly typical found-footage horror film saddled with a particularly improbable premise, The Frankenstein Theory plays more like a tourist advertisement for beautiful Alaskan scenery than a suspenseful melodrama. I enjoyed Kris Lemche as the resident mad scientist, though.

Stomp Romp / Zilla Thrilla: “That’s a lot of fish.”

stomprompzillathrilla

Our slow-burning Godzilla theme continues with an exploration of everyone’s least favorite American G-film, Roland Emmerich’s 1998 “classic”, Godzilla. CLICK HERE or on the banner above to listen to Sean and I discuss our first tastes of colossal cinematic disappointment, everything this film does wrong, and a few things that it does right.

ERRATA: Some corrections are in order. Parthenogenesis is a type of asexual reproduction, and some lizard species do in fact engage in it. Also, the 1994 American Godzilla script by Ted Elliot and Terry Rossio actually predates the publication of the Shusuke Kaneko Heisei-era Gamera trilogy, which began in 1995, so to claim the former was ripping off the latter was inaccurate.

We forgot to mention Gedde Watanabe.

Movie_47-Ronin

Sharpen your daggers, because 47 Ronin is (not) the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the title or the movie poster above to download our review of the film, featuring Gerald Rathkolb of AnimeWorldOrder.

Review in a Nutshell: Combine a dubious choice of subject matter, cultural appropriation / whitewashing / racebending, an overblown budget, an unnecessary 3D post-conversion treatment, numerous delays, studio interference, a novice director, deceptive marketing, and an indifferent film-going audience and you get a recipe for disaster. As a movie, 47 Ronin is bland with a few entertaining moments, but as an exercise in how not to make a movie, it is fascinating.

“BABIESSSSSS!”

tmnt-ii-movie-poster
Come on out of your shell, because Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze is (probably not) the Greatest Movie EVER.

Review in a Nutshell: This one’s a bloodbath. I believe Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze  is a bad movie that does not hold up to starry-eyed childhood nostalgia. My co-hosts disagree. I get to write these blurbs, though, so I WIN! MWA HA HA!

Estelle Getty is Kind of a Magical Pixie Dream Girl.

stawp

Button up your diapers, because Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot is (probably not) the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Andrew of Collection DX.

Review in a Nutshell: Universally pilloried for Stallone’s poor performance, the terrible writing, and the lame jokes, Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot is not as bad as you would expect it to be, largely because Estelle Getty is quite a charming lady. This film plays like a forensic examination on how not to make a comedy, and for that reason I find it fascinating.

4th DIMENSIONAL ATTACK!?!

starcrash

Strap on your space bikini, because Star Crash is definitely the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the DVD cover or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Katherin the Great.

Review in a Nutshell: Star Crash is an Italian Star Wars knock-off that is amazingly bad on every technical level. Ridiculous, absurd, and illogical, it manages to turn a 92 minute run time into a torturous cinematic experience that lasts an eternity. I love it. I haven’t laughed so hard in years.

This movie contains:

sc001

Leaping Cavemen.

sc002

Mind Lasers.

sc003

Joe Spinell, Space Tyrant.

The Ballad of Texas Battle

dbe
Hold onto your Power Poles, because Dragonball: Evolution is the Greatest Movie EVER!
Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the podcast,
featuring Gerald Rathkolb, Mike Dent, and Evan Minto.

Review in a Nutshell: A cinematic disaster on multiple levels, Dragonball: Evolution nonetheless has glimmers of competence that make for an entertaining, if cringe-inducing, viewing.

Too Cool for Words

pootie_poster

Hold onto your belts, because Pootie Tang is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean ‘Hollywood’ Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell:  See, my damie, Pootie Tang don’t wa-da-tah to the shama cow… ’cause thats a cama cama leepa-chaiii, dig?

Sean’s Funtime Adventure!

forbidden_kingdom

Hold on to your magical bo staves, because The Forbidden Kingdom is definitely not the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell: With glimmers of its true potential shining through despite poor editing and a hackneyed script, The Forbidden Kingdom nevertheless manages to squander an enormous amount of talent.  Our whopping 63 minute podcast explains all the reasons why Sean describes this film as a ‘kung fu love letter written by an illiterate’.

Sean goes Ballistic?

Hold onto your nanomachines, because Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever is probably not the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean ‘Hollywood’ Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell:  Wow, this movie is bad.  Not even Antonio Banderas smoking and Ray Park doing flip-kicks can save this production from lifeless action sequences and a catastrophically muddled script.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 130 other followers