We forgot to mention Gedde Watanabe.

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Sharpen your daggers, because 47 Ronin is (not) the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the title or the movie poster above to download our review of the film, featuring Gerald Rathkolb of AnimeWorldOrder.

Review in a Nutshell: Combine a dubious choice of subject matter, cultural appropriation / whitewashing / racebending, an overblown budget, an unnecessary 3D post-conversion treatment, numerous delays, studio interference, a novice director, deceptive marketing, and an indifferent film-going audience and you get a recipe for disaster. As a movie, 47 Ronin is bland with a few entertaining moments, but as an exercise in how not to make a movie, it is fascinating.

“BABIESSSSSS!”

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Come on out of your shell, because Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze is (probably not) the Greatest Movie EVER.

Review in a Nutshell: This one’s a bloodbath. I believe Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze  is a bad movie that does not hold up to starry-eyed childhood nostalgia. My co-hosts disagree. I get to write these blurbs, though, so I WIN! MWA HA HA!

Estelle Getty is Kind of a Magical Pixie Dream Girl.

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Button up your diapers, because Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot is (probably not) the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Andrew of Collection DX.

Review in a Nutshell: Universally pilloried for Stallone’s poor performance, the terrible writing, and the lame jokes, Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot is not as bad as you would expect it to be, largely because Estelle Getty is quite a charming lady. This film plays like a forensic examination on how not to make a comedy, and for that reason I find it fascinating.

4th DIMENSIONAL ATTACK!?!

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Strap on your space bikini, because Star Crash is definitely the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the DVD cover or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Katherin the Great.

Review in a Nutshell: Star Crash is an Italian Star Wars knock-off that is amazingly bad on every technical level. Ridiculous, absurd, and illogical, it manages to turn a 92 minute run time into a torturous cinematic experience that lasts an eternity. I love it. I haven’t laughed so hard in years.

This movie contains:

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Leaping Cavemen.

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Mind Lasers.

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Joe Spinell, Space Tyrant.

The Ballad of Texas Battle

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Hold onto your Power Poles, because Dragonball: Evolution is the Greatest Movie EVER!
Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the podcast,
featuring Gerald Rathkolb, Mike Dent, and Evan Minto.

Review in a Nutshell: A cinematic disaster on multiple levels, Dragonball: Evolution nonetheless has glimmers of competence that make for an entertaining, if cringe-inducing, viewing.

Too Cool for Words

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Hold onto your belts, because Pootie Tang is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean ‘Hollywood’ Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell:  See, my damie, Pootie Tang don’t wa-da-tah to the shama cow… ’cause thats a cama cama leepa-chaiii, dig?

Sean’s Funtime Adventure!

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Hold on to your magical bo staves, because The Forbidden Kingdom is definitely not the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell: With glimmers of its true potential shining through despite poor editing and a hackneyed script, The Forbidden Kingdom nevertheless manages to squander an enormous amount of talent.  Our whopping 63 minute podcast explains all the reasons why Sean describes this film as a ‘kung fu love letter written by an illiterate’.

Sean goes Ballistic?

Hold onto your nanomachines, because Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever is probably not the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean ‘Hollywood’ Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell:  Wow, this movie is bad.  Not even Antonio Banderas smoking and Ray Park doing flip-kicks can save this production from lifeless action sequences and a catastrophically muddled script.

On Artful Dodgers and Tangerine Dreams…

Break out the vomit bucket, because The Garbage Pail Kids Movie is (definitely not) the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring co-host Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell:  Half heart-warming kid’s movie with a message, half boorish toilet humor comedy, this film is painfully unwatchable.

Emergency Podcast System: Prometheus

We interrupt our regularly scheduled podcast to bring you this special announcement:  Prometheus is terrible.

Click on the movie poster or title above to download our review of the film, featuring guest hosts Ian Strope of the Futile Podcast and Rachel Pandich, author of indie comic book Aspire.

Review in a Nutshell:  Although undeniably beautiful in terms of cinematography and production design, Prometheus suffers from a poor script with writing that disintegrates into a flaming wreck by the movie’s conclusion.  Some people claim the film posses too many unanswered questions.  I claim the opposite: the film answers too many questions, and the answers it gives are dumb.

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