Hoist the anchor and mind the mizzenmast, because Sinbad (1989) is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the VHS cover or the movie title above to download our review of the film, featuring guest host Keith Allison of Teleport City and The Mysterious Order of the Skeleton Suit.

Review in a Nutshell:  A delightfully lunatic children’s fantasy hobbled by dreadful pacing and a bare-bones budget, Sinbad is nevertheless the Greatest Movie EVER to feature sock-puppet piranhas, rock monsters, and Lou Ferrigno punching his meaty fist through the Legions of the Damned.

This movie contains:

A Lost Viking.

Amazons.

Glamazons.

John Steiner, Paragon of Acting Technology.

PURE MANLINESS!

(No Skeleton Suits were Harmed in the Creation of this Post.)

Gather up your magic power crystals, because Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review, featuring guest host Mike Toole.  (He’s from the Internet.)

Review in a Nutshell:  Shamelessly cribbing from numerous other films such as Mad Max and Star Wars, Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn is an inappropriately named piece of low-budget science fantasy.  Originally released in stereoscopic 3-D, this ambitious but incomprehensible little gem has been rescued from obscurity by a terrible DVD release.  (It’s also on Netflix Instant at the time of this writing.)

This movie contains:

Evil Australian Necromancers.

Cyborg Justice?

Jeffrey Byron’s One Facial Expression.

Crystar, the Crystal Warrior?

What’s wrong with your faaaaaaaace?

Watch out for dingos, because Quigley Down Under is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell:  A competently composed film set in the wild west of Australia, Quigley Down Under has solid performances, some dark undertones, and the coolest rifle in cinema history.

ERRATA:  I meant Men at Work, not Men Without Hats.  All of my music-related puns fail miserably.

Gas up the monster trucks, because Tango & Cash is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film,

featuring guest hosts Daryl and Gerald of AnimeWorldOrder and Guy Woodruff of DEEP HURTING.

Review in a Nutshell:  Mere words fail to describe how truly bonkers this film really is.  Tango & Cash was made in the Eighties; no further explanation is required.

This movie contains:

Marion Cobretti?

Enhanced Interrogation Techniques.

Kurt Russell, Master of Disguise.

Drum Solo!

Fuel up the jet pack and unpack the robot ninjas, because RoboCop 3 is definitely not the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell:  Urban revolutionaries, machine gun arm attachments, and Mohawk-sporting goons…somehow it all goes terribly, terribly wrong in this film directed by Fred Dekker and written by Frank Miller.  Not even Rip Torn can save this movie.

Zip up those yellow jumpsuits, because Turkey Shoot is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Oliver from the Welcome to the Brain Palace Podcast.

Review in a Nutshell:  An inexplicable mash-up of “women in prison” and “most dangerous game” films, Turkey Shoot is alternatively considered the apex and the nadir of Australian exploitation film.

This movie contains:

Friendly Fascists.

An Arrow Through the Mouth.

A Dapper Wolfman.

Break out your Seal of Solomon rings, because Season of the Witch is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring guest co-host Jon Brescia.

Review in a Nutshell:  Triple-wolves, zombie monks, Ron Perlman head-butting everything in sight, and Nicolas Cage’s primordial hair piece…what’s not to like about this ridiculous supernatural “thriller”?

Attach those alien nose-plugs, because Battlefield Earth is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring guest cohost Max Dunn.

Review in a Nutshell:  Listen up, rat-brain!  Just because a movie has an incomprehensible plot, hammy acting, ridiculous dialog, and goofy special effects does not mean it’s not the Greatest Movie EVER!  Get that through your skull-bone!

Fun Fact:

The ”sharpened log fence” is actually called a “stockade”.

Hold onto your hatchets, because Deep Red is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell:  A suspenseful film with beautiful composition but a somewhat surreal plot, Deep Red is considered by many to be the pinnacle of the giallo subgenre.

Fun Fact:

This is an onager.  It’s actually from Asia, not Africa.

Load up the tranquilizer guns, because Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend is the “Greatest” Movie EVER.

Click on the poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring M.O.M. and some embarrassing childhood stories.

Review in a Nutshell:   Slow, ponderous, and not particularly bright … and that’s not describing the dinosaurs!  I loved this movie as a kid; I had terrible taste.