Emergency Podcast System: Prometheus

We interrupt our regularly scheduled podcast to bring you this special announcement:  Prometheus is terrible.

Click on the movie poster or title above to download our review of the film, featuring guest hosts Ian Strope of the Futile Podcast and Rachel Pandich, author of indie comic book Aspire.

Review in a Nutshell:  Although undeniably beautiful in terms of cinematography and production design, Prometheus suffers from a poor script with writing that disintegrates into a flaming wreck by the movie’s conclusion.  Some people claim the film posses too many unanswered questions.  I claim the opposite: the film answers too many questions, and the answers it gives are dumb.

The Mega-Low Down on the Megalodon in Mallorca.

Fuel up the helicopter, because Shark Attack in the Mediterranean is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring M.O.M., the Mistress of Malapropisms.

Review in a Nutshell:  A perfect storm of hilarious dubbing and scenes lifted from other, bigger movies, Shark Attack in the Meditarranean, aka Shark Alarm off Mallorca, features surprisingly good CG sharks and the charming antics of bodybuilder-turned-actor Ralf Moeller.  As always, M.O.M. loves the scenery.

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The Merry Adventures of Tito and The Wolfman

Zip up those yellow jumpsuits, because Turkey Shoot is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Oliver from the Welcome to the Brain Palace Podcast.

Review in a Nutshell:  An inexplicable mash-up of “women in prison” and “most dangerous game” films, Turkey Shoot is alternatively considered the apex and the nadir of Australian exploitation film.

This movie contains:

Friendly Fascists.

An Arrow Through the Mouth.

A Dapper Wolfman.

Rock `Em Sock `Em Robots, Redux

Strap on your bicycle helmets, because Robot Wars is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring special guest host Andrew from Collection DX and The Veef Show.

Review in a Nutshell:  A straight-to-video science fiction film with a simple premise and a shoe-string budget, Robot Wars does a lot with very little.  The stop-motion animation and laser effects are especially good.

This movie contains:

A giant robot.

Captain Marion McJerkypants.

Asian Tourists with Laser Cameras.

HOLY CRAP, ANOTHER GIANT ROBOT!  Who could have predicted that?

Curse You, Euclid!

Hold onto your boots, because Cube Zero is definitely not the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell:  Hopelessly crippled by ridiculous writing and bad ideas, Cube Zero takes a decent little science fiction / horror series and piledrives it into the pavement.  Its badness has to be seen to be believed.

Aim for the Nerve Cluster!

Get ready to abuse some innocent fishmen, because ARENA is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie cover or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell:  Did you see that guy just punch that giant rubber space lizard in the face?  Did you?  BECAUSE I SURE DID!

Spice World, Ell Oh Ell

Strap in your noseplugs, because Dune (1984) is (definitely not) the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the poster or the movie title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell:  Ugly and incomprehensible, the David Lynch version of Dune is a muddled mess that lacks even the redeeming qualities of David Lynch’s usual cinematic weirdness.  On the plus side, Sting in a Thong!

This movie contains:

Phallic Symbols.

STINGINATHONG!  STINGINATHONG!  STINGINATHONG!

Ummm…what the heck is going on here?

Who Goes There?

Fire up your flame-thrower, because John Carpenter’s The Thing is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the link above to download our review of the film.

Review in a Nutshell:   Brimming over with gore and paranoia, John Carpenter’s The Thing is a pessimistic vision and a luminary example of  the science fiction / horror subgenre.

COMING SOON!

“You fool!  My kung fu is best!”

“Love is Fleeting, Power is Eternal!”

Are you a bad enough dude to wield the Glaive?  Whether you are or not, Krull is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell:  A fantasy film with science fiction elements mixed in, Krull overcomes a fairly formulaic narrative with the help of excellent production design and strong performances by the supporting cast.  It’s also surprisingly violent for a film with a PG rating.

This movie contains:

Gruesome Violence.

A Friendly Cyclops.

The Glaive!

WTF?  Fire-hands?  That’s not fair!

Use the Buddy System!

Hold onto your eyeballs, because Event Horizon is the Greatest Movie EVER?

Review in a Nutshell:  Cobbling together elements from Solaris, Hellraiser, Alien, and The Shining does not guarantee a good science fiction / horror film.   The movie’s strong cast and solid set design can’t compensate for a disconnected, fundamentally absurd plot.

COMING SOON!

Sho Kosugi does some funky hand-jive.

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