Use the Buddy System!

Hold onto your eyeballs, because Event Horizon is the Greatest Movie EVER?

Review in a Nutshell:  Cobbling together elements from Solaris, Hellraiser, Alien, and The Shining does not guarantee a good science fiction / horror film.   The movie’s strong cast and solid set design can’t compensate for a disconnected, fundamentally absurd plot.

COMING SOON!

Sho Kosugi does some funky hand-jive.

Jason Statham Drives a Car and Kills People

statham-chan2

This is the only picture that should be required to convince you

that Death Race is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell:  On one hand, indistinguishable gray vehicles firing machine guns at one another in an ash-colored soup of choppy action scenes.  On the other hand, Mario Kart power-ups and Robin Shou.  On the gripping hand, Jason Statham.

Accept no Imitations

Aim for the babies and the Boy Scouts, because Death Race 2000 is the Greatest Movie EVER!

I’ll throw some pics up later. This episode is super late. I was sick all weekend.

Many apologies for the inconwenience.

The Misadventures of Mary Sue

The 'Greatest' Movie EVER!

Anderson thinks it’s Alice uber allis, and

Resident Evil: Extinction is the ‘Greatest’ Movie EVER.

This movie contains:

Aw, she's sad and lonely.

Mary Sue…er, I mean ‘Alice’.

He is Carlos, Leader of Men!

“Hey, where’d my character go?”

NOM NOM NOM

Zombies. They HATE chain-link fences.

CAW!

CROWS. (peck peck peck peck peck peck peck)

Shouldn't have eaten the shellfish.

Severe Food Allergies. Oh, wait, that’s a Tyrant.

At least they got one thing right.

Piles and Piles of Dead Alice Clones.

“I’m going to kill them all, Sir.”

The Greatest Movie EVER!
Don’t shoot the fat kid, because Soldier is the Greatest Movie EVER!
This movie contains:
Jason Isaacs in Soldier
John Waters, Space Commando?
Ouchie.
Mild Eye Trauma.
Gary Busey in Soldier
Gary Busey, a nice man with happy feelings all of the time.
I <3 Kurt Russell
KURT “MADE YOU BLINK” RUSSELL.
COMING SOON!
An unofficial bonus episode, because you requested it…
COMING SOON!
DON’T SAY I NEVER DID NOTHIN’ FOR YA!

“They Kick High.”

The Worst Movie EVER!

The Big Week of (Philip K.) Dick commences October1,

but in the meantime Dead or Alive is the Worst (Meh-est?) Movie EVER!

NOTE: If the show sounds a little static-filled this time around, it’s because I forgot to recalibrate my mixer after lending it to Daryl Surat during Anime Weekend Atlanta. I’ve fixed the problem; it shouldn’t happen again. (I sent the DVD back to Netflix without capturing any screens or sound effects, so here are some images swiped from Google Imagesearch.)

This film contains:

Purple Hair!

Purple Hair! (Thanks, IGN!)

Oooh, in the rain no less.

Girl Fights!

Mmm...delicious.

CHEESECAKE.

COMING SOON!

Peter Weller in Screamers

The Second Variety? I thought this was RoboCop 2…”

Test Your Might.


Mortal Kombat is the Greatest Movie EVER. Go out and buy a copy. Heck, buy two: one for you, and one for your Sweet Baboo.

 

5 Minutes, 0 Seconds In:

Yeah, he looks like a Chinese god to me…

 

7 Minutes, 15 Seconds In:

Am I hot?

Or not?

 

14 Minutes, 47 Seconds In:

Tom Dickens, Ravager of Souls!

 

19 Minutes, 9 Seconds:

I can think of worse ways to die…

 

Why Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa deserves an Academy Award:



COMING SOON!
Something involving dinosaurs and time travel, something involving Flying Guillotines, or something involving Uwe Boll. ONLY TIME WILL TELL!