Big Month of Dick – Next

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 The Worst Movie EVER!

If only we could have foreseen

that Next is the Worst Movie EVER.

This movie contains:

The Cage.

The Cage.

The Cage

The Cage.

The Cage

The Cage.

She's a cutie.

Oh yeah. Jessica Biel is in it, too.

This movie does not contain:

The Golden Man by Philip K. Dick

Golden Men.



I bet those groin-seeking lasers are making Spencer Olham a trifle nervous…


  1. Keith says:

    But you left off Lee Tamahori’s greatest movie ever…Die Another Day! so he’s now the man who has given us Nicholas Cage masturbation fantasies AND Halle Berry saying “Yo momma!”

  2. Kidder says:

    I don’t get how you can like Ghost Rider, but hate on Next. Both are ass poor

  3. Jeff Tatarek says:

    Oh great, now I’m responsible for ruining Goob’s plans for the Month O’ Dick.

    …to put a positive spin on it (for me) it means that with a simple :38 promo I CAN CONTROL HIS DESTINY.

  4. Daryl Surat says:

    Nonsense. You obviously don’t like Astro Boy that much if you stop reading the manga because it makes you too depressed.

  5. gooberzilla says:

    Ghost Rider is so bad, it’s good. And it had a flaming cowboy astride a flaming horse, if only for a microsecond. Next is just bad, and not entertainingly so; it definitely lacks flaming cowboys and hellfire shotguns.

    We’ve been over this, Daryl. I really like Astroboy, but the manga makes me cry. I don’t really like crying too much, so I stick to the 1980s TV show for my weekly recommended dose of Tezuka.

  6. Keith says:

    I feel the same way. When I watch Fist of the North Star, I usually play Cindi Lauper’s “Time After Time” int he background and just weep. Oh Ken! KEN!!!!

  7. Eduardo M. says:

    “Time after Time” and Fist of the North Star.

    That’s like the Geico Gecko and the Orbit Gum Lady playing the leads in Romeo and Juliet.

  8. Keith says:

    This is a call to arms to all bored AMV creators out there — don’t let me down.

  9. Aside from Jeff, are there any other AMV creators that know about both Kenshiro and Cyndi Lauper? I think the field is pretty thin…

  10. Ivan says:

    Goob, when iTunes tried to download this episode, I only got like a five minute .mp3. Imagine my dismay at the gym this morning when I find out that my exercise entertainment failed to copy properly. Is something wrong with the feed? Or does my iTunes just suck?

  11. gooberzilla says:

    Ivan, I just downloaded the entire show directly from the feed, so my conclusion can only be that iTunes sucks in general.

  12. Ivan says:

    Thanks…I’ll just try it again.

  13. The Weapon says:

    The French can’t even take the credit for Jean Reno, he was born in Morocco, he just chose to become french for some reason

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