Big Month of Dick – Next

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 The Worst Movie EVER!

If only we could have foreseen

that Next is the Worst Movie EVER.

This movie contains:

The Cage.

The Cage.

The Cage

The Cage.

The Cage

The Cage.

She's a cutie.

Oh yeah. Jessica Biel is in it, too.

This movie does not contain:

The Golden Man by Philip K. Dick

Golden Men.



I bet those groin-seeking lasers are making Spencer Olham a trifle nervous…


  1. But you left off Lee Tamahori’s greatest movie ever…Die Another Day! so he’s now the man who has given us Nicholas Cage masturbation fantasies AND Halle Berry saying “Yo momma!”

  2. Oh great, now I’m responsible for ruining Goob’s plans for the Month O’ Dick.

    …to put a positive spin on it (for me) it means that with a simple :38 promo I CAN CONTROL HIS DESTINY.

  3. Ghost Rider is so bad, it’s good. And it had a flaming cowboy astride a flaming horse, if only for a microsecond. Next is just bad, and not entertainingly so; it definitely lacks flaming cowboys and hellfire shotguns.

    We’ve been over this, Daryl. I really like Astroboy, but the manga makes me cry. I don’t really like crying too much, so I stick to the 1980s TV show for my weekly recommended dose of Tezuka.

  4. I feel the same way. When I watch Fist of the North Star, I usually play Cindi Lauper’s “Time After Time” int he background and just weep. Oh Ken! KEN!!!!

  5. “Time after Time” and Fist of the North Star.

    That’s like the Geico Gecko and the Orbit Gum Lady playing the leads in Romeo and Juliet.

  6. Goob, when iTunes tried to download this episode, I only got like a five minute .mp3. Imagine my dismay at the gym this morning when I find out that my exercise entertainment failed to copy properly. Is something wrong with the feed? Or does my iTunes just suck?

  7. The French can’t even take the credit for Jean Reno, he was born in Morocco, he just chose to become french for some reason

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