Bold, New Universes of Suck…

The Chronicles of Riddick podcast is now available for your listening consumption.

 4 minutes, 5 Seconds In:
These are the Necromonger, from Chronicles of Riddick:

Yeah.

13 Minutes, 59 Seconds In:
This is Dual-Wieldy Scythe-Guy.
He does not realize that two-handed, double-blade scythes
are not good for dual-wielding.
Isn’t life grand?

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5 Responses

  1. Wait, you paid $12 for this movie when it’s $15 for all three (the cartoon plus the videogame explain a lot of that “they never explained that!” parts you brought up)? I got the EXTREMELY AWESOME Unrated Director’s Cut for $3 used. NO REGRETS.

    You know what else is really ineffective to dual wield? Pistols. You know who doesn’t care one bit since dual wielding anything is totally rad? Me. Clearly the dual wielding in this movie arose out of Vin Diesel reminiscing about Spelljammer. Why, just THINK of all the natural 20’s Riddick rolled throughout this film.

    Still, this is supposed to be a NERD movie review podcast, right? How the heck am I supposed to buy into your nerd cred when you’re doing this show with your goddamned GIRLFRIEND, huh?!

    I say kick that dead weight diva to the curb and do all future episodes with your mom. I eagerly await hearing your mom offer her opinions on the movie Undefeatable starring Don Niam. Which by the way, you’re reviewing on a future episode. You may not have known it before, but now you do.

    PS: this movie is better than the first two Star Wars prequels, and that’s a shoot

  2. In regards to the “15 dollars for all three” thing, well, I already owned Pitch Black, and I’d sooner hammer nails into my testes with the Iron Hand technique than own anything even slightly associated with Peter Chung. So it was fifteen bucks for a movie I hate, a movie I don’t want, and a movie I already own, or merely the twelve bucks for the movie I hate. I went with the option that seemed more bearable at the time.

    Of course pistols are ineffective to dual-wield, but at least they look cool. There are some items, such as whips and two-handed scythes that just don’t look right when you dual-wield them. Other items, such as dual-golf clubs ala Jean Reno in “Wasabi”, are automatically awesome.

    I’ll put Undefeatable in my Netflix queue. But for Mom to review it, the movie has to be Mom-Safe(TM). Hence, it looks like I’m gonna have to review movies like Silent Hill or Devil’s Rejects with my Doppleganger.

    As for the Star Wars prequels, well, that’s not sayin’ much. I mean, being stabbed to death with a rusty hay-fork is probably better than being skinned alive and boiled in your own rendered entrails, but either option still kinda sucks.

  3. You should really, really play Chronicles of Riddick: Escape From Butcher Bay. It beats both movies in coolness, shows how Riddick got his eyes and has some sweet action.

  4. The eyes were the worst part of the game, supposedly he went to a doctor and for whatever reason this shit happened magically anyway. WTF? Gay!!

  5. I loved the movie. Happy I bought all Riddick-related stuff too.

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