Hate, Actually

The Worst Movie EVER!

Because the Almighty Gooberzilla never goes back on his word,

Love Actually is the Worst Movie EVER!

This movie contains:

Nebbishness.

BWAH?

NEBBISHNESS.

Men do not let other men watch Titanic.

NEBBISHNESS.

COMING SOON!

COMING SOON!

We’re going to wash the taste of this lukewarm treacle out of our collective mouths

with the help of damsels, robots, and a maverick cowboy samurai from Miami…

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11 Responses

  1. […] Original post by gooberzilla […]

  2. I think I might need to watch this for my podcast. It looks like it’s a Christmas movie though so it’ll have to wait until December (or never). I can’t wait for the ultimate Bladerunner podcast.

  3. There are plenty of touching, heart-warming romantic comedies set around Christmas: Gremlins, Die Hard…and hopefully some day a movie that combines Gremlins, Die Hard, and a lesson about the true meaning of Christmas.

    Also, Christmas is the time of year when Mariah Carey gets out her skimpy sexy Santa teddy, and say what you will about the woman and her music, she sure knows how to fill out a skimpy sexy Santa teddy.

  4. “Love, Actually” is one of the few watchable romantic comedies. “Fever Pitch,” “50 First Dates,” and – if you stretch the definition enough – “American Beauty” are all good romantic comedies as well.

  5. Paul,

    I’m well aware you have no soul…but one day, you are going to be stuck in a terrible and crazy situation where it will be your responsibility to save Christmas. And, on that day you will discover the true meaning of hope and belief. Of course, Zany hijinks will ensue.

    [i]This picture will be rated PG for comedic violence and mild language[/i]

  6. Oh, I just hope he has to deliver a baby in a hot air balloon or a cab stuck in traffic or something, and then when he looks at the baby, he suddenly realizes the great miracle of love and life and finally abandons his womanizing ways and commits to that quirky but beautiful librarian he’s been ignoring the whole movie in favor of pursuing the shallow tramp.

  7. Keith, all that story idea is missing is a scene where he gets into fight with Harlan Ellison over a trival nitpick in “I have No Mouth But I must Scream.”

  8. Paul’s Christmas Miracle:

    Paul will wander around the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade (without the supervision of M.O.M.). He will run into an old drunk obese homeless man. The homeless man will try to convince lil’ Goob of the spirit of Christmas and fail to melt his cold mechanical heart.

    Then, the homeless obese fellow steals a Perfect Grade Gundam Model kit and gives the stolen merchandise to Paul . The LED lights of Paul’s new Gunpla begins to melt his cold little heart. He learns that real spirit of Christmas can be purchased with a $150 Gundam Model kit.

  9. I love how you mispronounce Bill Nighy’s name – it’s not ‘nih’, it’s exactly like the word ‘nigh’ (the time draws nigh).

    You did get the -y part right, though. 😉

  10. “Trading Places” is also a Christmas movie, and in fact is one of the few movies where the protagonists commit a massive SEC violation, right there on camera, and nobody cares!

  11. I agree with your hatred of romances in general and rom-coms in particular. Since you did Love Actually we need romance made for GME- Brainsmasher: A Love Story. http://youtu.be/zQ4pC0cshFs

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