Big Month of Dick – Paycheck

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The Worst Movie EVER!

Hold on to your fishing hats, because Paycheck is the Worst Movie EVER!

This movie contains:

Brains are microwave safe.

MIND LASERS.

Dig that stylish hat.

Fisherman Hats.

Mexican Stand-Offs.

And that brings an end to the Big Month of Dick. Thanks for listening!

Which makes me wonder what is COMING SOON?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

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12 Responses

  1. I’ll bow my head for a moment of silence.

  2. The BMoD is finished. Alas and woe. Hopefully it has been a big sucess and we can expect some sort of sequal.

    In the meantime, I’m surprised you finally managed to do a Love Actually podcast.I was begining to think it would have to wait until I got to Tarpon again.

  3. It would be funny if Ben Affleck did an episode of the Simpsons and Homer had to give him a pep talk and he said something like: “Would Paycheck backdown?”

  4. What, no Blade Runner?

  5. Why do so many people think I’m crazy for thinking Uma Thurman ain’t all that hot? But then, I think all movies should star Zoe Saldana, Freema Agyeman, and Naomi Harris. also, they should star me. Also, they should be my real life. The end.

  6. No Blade Runner??? No Minority Report???

    I’ve lost my faith because of you. Come, horrible apocalypse! RELEASE US FROM THIS CRUEL BLUE ORB!!! 😥

  7. As we’ve explicitly stated in the Next podcast, Bladerunner has been postponed until December, when the five disc version comes out, after which Sean and I will tackle ALL FIVE versions of the film.

    Minority Report sucks. It’s not even entertainingly sucky. Spielberg and Tom Cruise need to stay the hell away from science fiction films. I asked my Mom if she wanted to cover it with me, and we both simultaneously decided neither of us wanted to rewatch Minority Report in order to review it.

    You’ve just been Dicked.

  8. Ah, for all the “where the heck is the Love Actually podcast” teasing I’ve done… I myself have not watched it nor do I have the interest. Yes, I am the hypocrite! I bow to you for your commitment, sir! Maybe Sean shall convince me it’s worth watching.

  9. Minority Report sucks.

    While I didn’t *love* Minority Report, I did find it to have an immense amount of rewatchability. I can’t place my finger on it – I think there’s some sort of cocaine in the visuals.

    As for Love Actually, I think it’s one of the best modern love stories – mostly because it’s about love in various stages: blooming, unrequited, waning, lost, etc. I know that you don’t like it so much. Do you have a favorite love story in movie form?

  10. ….Am I the only one that thought Smokin’ Aces was a halfway decent flick?

    *hides in Titanium Plated bunker*

  11. Every single person I personally know who has seen Smokin’ Aces thinks it is awesome, just as they think Crank is awesome. It’s these Internet miscreants who scoff at Richard B. Riddick and his life of rolling natural 20s nonstop who ruin the party.

    As a result of reading some film school graduate type analysis of The Way of the Gun, I found another editorial regarding why John Woo’s American output has for the most part been lackluster, though I personally think Face/Off is the Greatest Movie EVER! and enjoy Broken Arrow (and though I cannot defend it, Windtalkers…which in addition to seeing in theaters, I own the super deluxe extended version of even though it’s a very old style by-the-numbers war movie). It wasn’t as simple as “there’s no Chow Yun-Fat.” You can read it here: http://www.h2so4.net/politics/woo.html

    In my opinion, the reason Woo’s US movies haven’t worked is because the man excels at melodrama, where everything is completely over the top and crazy. Melodrama is an all-or-nothing proposition: anything short of full-bore and you’re left with something not that great. For John Woo movies to work, he needs two things. One, hammy actors chewing up scenery like Chow Yun-Fat, John Travolta, Nicolas Cage, Christian Slater, or Lance Henriksen after being set on fire. He’s got those. But he also needs scripts that don’t even offer a pretense of believability, and therein lies the fatal failing of most of his US movies. They simply aren’t crazy ENOUGH.

    Hard Target was repeatedly given NC-17 ratings for violence by the MPAA before it finally got trimmed down to its current R rated incarnation. Sadly, much like the uncut version of Cobra, I don’t think we’ll ever see what we were missing the way we got to for Commando. Maybe in that version, Van Damme’s haircut won’t change lengths between shots of him firing arrows from horseback or whatever the hell happened at the end of that movie. I don’t remember.

    GUESS IT’S TIME TO WATCH HARD TARGET AGAIN. Followed by…Surviving the Game!

  12. The big difference with the uncut Hard Target is that, in the theater version, guys get shot four times. In the uncut, they get shot like eight or nine times. Incidentally, Hard Target is the only American Woo film I like. I sometimes forget Van Damme is even in it, because all I can think about is Lance throwing off his fiery overcoat and yelling, “Grrrrr! Raaarrrhhh! Graaahgggrr!”

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