Hot Arachnids in Lo-o-o-ove

The Worst Movie EVER!
We’re sad like kittens in the rain, because
Spider-Man 3 is the Worst Movie EVER!
(No screen-caps this time. I don’t own this movie, and never will.)
COMING SOON!
COMING SOON!
This is just the team you want when giant, rampaging reptiles are on the loose…
That’s right, folks. Boa vs Python.
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8 Responses

  1. I don’t know. Do you really want to open up the Sci-Fi Channel Original Movies? It is looking into the abyss.

  2. Hey Paul,

    i’ve missed a couple of episodes because I’m stuck with dialup at home. But, I’ve been catching up while at work.

    Great episode, per usual.

  3. B.O.A: IN A SNAKE, NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU SCREAM

    While Spider-Man 3 is not as good as the other two films (2 is one of the top five superhero movies of all time, just accept it), it is certainly not the Worst Movie EVER! It wasn’t even the worst film of last year. I know we all want to forget about Epic Movie; I already forgot about Meet the Spartans, and it’s not even out yet. But I assure you that AvP2 doesn’t hold a candle to it.

    It’s become clear that you are best suited to talking about things that you like rather than dislike, as proven by the fact that I can’t remember any awesomely hilarous editions of Worst Movie EVER! that did not involve Dave and Joel, who are best suited to talking about things they dislike rather than like. As such, I hereby declare that all movies reviewed should be the Greatest Movie EVER! regardless of quality. X-Men 3: The Last Stand is the first you should review using this approach.

    That said, you’re totally right that the main problem with SM3 is that the entire Eddie Brock/Venom storyline (which in this version includes the Gwen Stacy stuff, since the purpose of Eddie/Gwen here is to be parallels to Peter/Mary) was obviously shoehorned into the film per Sony’s insistence in order to support the marketing campaign which centered almost entirely around Venom. Had SM3 been only about the Sandman storyline–it should be noted that Marko is presented as a lifetime small-time crook who isn’t very bright, so your questioning of his higher thinking skills regarding application of his powers is asking a bit much of a man who found Waldo, shot him (accidentally!), and took his sullied shirt–the trilogy would have worked out better, and I move that all problems anyone [able to sit still for longer than 90 minutes] has with the movie arise from this. EVERYTHING felt rushed, shortchanged, and coincidentally convenient as a result. The Venom story needed to be its own movie, but only after doing a movie with The Lizard and without Topher Grace, who was the worst part of the movie just as everyone expected him to be. The Sandman/Harry stuff could have then gotten more screen time, but even if Sam Raimi said “no” to Sony’s demands, they would have just found someone who would say “yes.” Someone like…Paul WS Anderson! Or worse yet…Renny Harlin! The “The Covenant” Renny Harlin, not the “everything he’s ever done other than Cliffhanger and The Long Kiss Goodnight” Renny Harlin.

    Calling things the Worst Movie EVER! when they’re not truly deserving is Comic Shop Guy/Joey Snackpants behavior. I just saw In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale in the theater and am this close–THIS CLOSE–to doing the same for Postal. And I’m probably going to see Dungeon Siege AGAIN. So don’t you talk about interminable running times or expositions or reliving Hell until you’ve seen Dungeon Siege and the other Jason Statham/Ray Liotta collaboration, Revolver. It’s been over a year since you did The Core, thus giving you your Worst Movie EVER! Certification (all previous WMEs prior to The Core were non-certified), but it’s about five months past time for its annual renewal.

  4. I’m telling you once you start down the dark path of Sci-Fi Channel Original movies (SFCOMs) forever will it dominate your destiny.

  5. Amnesia. YAY.

  6. The only thing I can say to sum up how jipped I feel about this movie is:

    “How’s the pie?”

    “Mmm, so good!”

    AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

    *Head explodes from the awfulness*

  7. I think you mean:

    SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD

    We were saying that for YEARS after we saw the movie. My roommate made an image macro that grew up to become a pretty popular 4chan gif.

  8. No Pirates of the Caribbean is by far the worst movie ever even more so than the Brothers Grimm which was putrid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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