Mom Chooses Mexico

Strap on your sandals, because Conan the Destroyer is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell:   It may not have James Earl Jones, but it has Grace Jones, and I think that more than makes up for it, thank you very much.

This movie contains:

Ahnold’s Hypno-Face.

Constipated Wizards.

Grace Jones being Crazy.

GORILLA WIZARD GHOSTS.

Addendum:  Scouring the Internet has uncovered this picture, evidence that suggests that Andre the Giant was in the fact the man in the Dagoth suit.

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9 Responses

  1. “Grace Jones being Crazy”

    how is that any different from Grace Jones in her everyday life?

    (prays Grace Jones doesn’t read this for fear she’ll use her thigh muscles to snap him like a twig in a hurricane.)

  2. I’ve been looking forward to this episode since the Conan The Barbarian podcast. I’m 13 minutes in, and it’s fantastic. I have nothing but love for this movie as well. It brings so much nostalgia because I would always watch this movie whenever it was on TV.

    I will say that the soundtrack is extremely memorable to me because my older brother would CONSTANTLY play both soundtracks during this D&D campaigns. That’s all I really remember, I hear the Conan OST then “Roll for initiative.”

  3. A couple of things about Olivia D’Abo you did not mention

    Her biggest claim to fame was starring as the big sister in the show “Wonder Years”.

    You were right about her being in Justice League but she did not voice act in Teen Titans. She did voice Sonya Blade in a Mortal Kombat cartoon that was shown on USA Network. Her most recent voice actor role was a cameo as Carol Ferris in the DC Comics animated movie “Green Lantern First Flight.”

    As far as genre is concerned, most know her as Amanda Rogers from the Star Trek Next Generation episode “Q-Who”

  4. Bah, you like this movie for all the reasons I hate it. My rant against it is recorded on Teleport City. But as long as you get to Hawk the Slayer, we can still be friends.

  5. I never saw Conan the Barbarian as much of of a D&D type of movie but of something like an epic like the Odyssey or the epic of Gilgamesh. Just over the top and manly for the sake of being manly, not I put on my robe and wizard cap like Conan the Destroyer.

    Conan the Destroyer is just fine as a fantasy B-Movie like Beastman or Krull.

    As for the Andre thing there is a few pictures of Andre on set of CtD:

    Google “Arnold, Andre, Wilt” and you’ll find them if those links do not work.

  6. Even when I was younger, this movie felt like a non-interactive rpg. When is the next episode, Mr. Thompkins? You and Doug Benson have been horrible about release dates lately.

  7. Lol, Grace Jones – lovely woman though I’m sure she is – just cracks me up. Over here in the UK she was on Johnathan Ross’ comedy chat show, and what a cracking lively lady she is… but absolutely insane!

    Apart from that, I second that this film is a real cracker.

  8. I think the reason for the disparity between your opinion of CtB and CtD and that of the internet (or of decent, upstanding people) is that you’re willing to completely ignore the glaring problems and focus on tiny things you enjoy. You even go so far as to say, “Yes, the princess was terrible, but it was her first role!” This was sort of my issue with Temple of Doom as well: the 80s trope I will not abide is the idiotic shrieking blonde bimbo. I’m sure the movie had nice sets, but if a movie has bad sets, I don’t need to listen to them blab unconvincing dialogue to flesh out their “character.” Bloodsport at least unabashedly treats its female “character” as an object/plot device. I agree that the first movie didn’t need to go into Conan’s past, but I’m not upset with the places that it diverts from the stories in general.

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