The Only Thing More Treacherous than a Ninja is an Eggplant.

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Practice your secret techniques of Japanese rope-bondage, because Five Element Ninjas is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the DVD cover or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring M.O.M., the Mistress of Malapropisms.

Review in a Nutshell: Combining Chang Cheh’s trademark melodrama with superior athletic skills and hilarious gimmickery, Five Element Ninjas represents the Shaw Brothers at the height of their game as producers of top-quality kung fu films.

Don’t Worry, Kids; The Dolphins Survive

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Watch out for under-cranked stock footage from nature documentaries, because Jaws 3-D is (probably not) the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the title or the movie poster above to download our review of the film, featuring Matt “Saint Mort” Kelly from the Horror Movie Night podcast.

Review in a Nutshell: Hamstrung by an implausible premise and gimmicky 3-D camerawork, Jaws 3-D is arguably the nadir of the Jaws films. Despite a surprising amount of talent arrayed before and behind the camera, the film’s plot never quite hits its stride and the cinematography and special effects suffer from the de-conversion process. It’s an odd relic from an early Eighties 3-D revival that never got off the ground.

Stomp Romp / Zilla Thrilla: Coconut Transceivers and Anguirus Shade

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The Stomp Romp / Zilla Thrill theme refuses to die, unlike King Ghidorah in Destroy All Monsters, a 1968 monster-bash that was originally intended to be the final entry in the Godzilla film franchise. CLICK HERE or on the image above to download our review of the film, in which I find the pacing of the film a tad overwhelming and Mom proves herself to be a secret Anguirus-hater.

That’s Not Really What “Nonplussed” Means

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Get ready for improbable multiple weapon use, because The Legend 1 & 2 are both the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the DVD cover or the title above to download our reviews of the films, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell: Despite some misleading American packaging, The Legend 1 & 2 (aka Fong Sai-Yuk 1 & 2, aka The Legend of Fong Sai-Yuk 1 & 2) are a fun mix of comedy, drama, and martial arts mayhem from the earlier 90’s. While it’s nice to see Jet Li in a comedic leading role, Josephine Siao ends up stealing the show as Fong Sai-yuk’s irascible kung fu wielding mother.

FINAL THOUGHT:

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Jet Li does indeed have a lovely smile.

Don’t Let it Get Your Goat.

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Beware of women, witchcraft, and the wilderness, because The Witch (2015) is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film featuring Zac Bertschy of Anime News Network and Kristina ‘ChibiUFO’ Foster.

Review in a Nutshell: A grim, challenging film of pain-staking period detail and exquisite composition, The Witch (2015) is an atypical, intelligent horror tale with strong feminist themes and disturbing religious subtext.

The Perils of Owning a Volcano Lair

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Take a dip in the Immunity Bath, because Latitude Zero is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring M.O.M., the Mistress of Malapropisms.

Review in a Nutshell:  A 1969 tokusatsu film directed by Ishiro Honda with special effects by Eiji Tsuburaya, Latitude Zero was filmed in English and marketed to an international audience. Despite the presence of flying submarines, super advanced undersea civilizations, laser gloves, and a giant griffon, the extended international version of the movie is not nearly as zany as I wanted it to be.

Do Not Steal Ivanhoe Martin’s Mango.

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Don’t be a “rude boy”, because The Harder They Come is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the title or the movie poster above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell: A vibrant crime drama with a soundtrack that introduced reggae music to the world, The Harder They Come transports viewers to the slums of Kingston during the early Seventies and gives the audience a glimpse at the desperation and frustrations that could drive an idealistic young man to a lawless life of crime.

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