Dragons: 1 , Stromnir: Zero

Reign of Fire is the Greatest Worst Movie EVER. Or the Worst Greatest Movie EVER. We’re not sure.

 

It has dragons in it.

No, seriously. They breath fire and everything. And apparently, they wiped out the dinosaurs. All of the ones that weren’t safely sequestered in the Appatosaurus Preserve, that is.

 

15 Minutes, 16 Seconds In:

Getting ready for it…

 


Yes, folks. They even filmed it from underneath.

 


GO, STROMNIR, GO!!!

 

Sadly, shortly after this episode was recorded, the entire dinosaur population of the Appatosaurus Preserve was wiped out by an unknown assailant wielding a giant, freakin’ axe. Witnesses report that the assailant was heard shouting: “Yaaar, filthy dragons, taste the wrath of me blade!” The cryptic message “STROMNIR LIVES!” was found painted in dinosaur blood at the scene of the slaughter.

A composite sketch of the assailant, created by police artists.

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2 Responses

  1. The biggest shortcoming of Reign of Fire is that the trailer made it seem like it would be Dragons vs Helicopters: The Motion Picture, which if true would have guaranteed that there would be no need for the “worst” qualifier to be included in your description.

    Still, I think you’ve got enough shows under your belt that you’re ready to tackle–in your next episode–a movie that even one as powerful as myself cannot fully withstand:

    The Core.

    As far as current theatrical Greatest Movie EVER fare is concerned, I think you’re going to have to go and see Crank in the theater.

  2. Since I would gladly walk across hot coals if ordered to by Daryl Surat, I will undertake to watch and review the celluloid atrocity known only as “The Core”. Like the girls of Gunbuster, I will undertake this mission with courage and guts.

    Just so you know, though, it’ll have to be for next week. This week we should see forthcoming reviews for Dungeons & Dragons and Batman: The Movie.

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