Time-Traveling, Alien, Virtual-Reality, Alternative-Dimensional Scotsmen

The Worst Movie EVER!

Despite my inexplicable affection for the theatrical cut,

Highlander II: The Quickening (Renegade Version) is

the Worst Movie EVER!

This movie contains:

Biiiiiiird Man!

BIIIIIIIIIIRD-MAN!

Biiiiiiiiird Man, Redux!

Once again, BIIIIIIIIIIRD MAN!

Michael Ironside as General Katana

Michael Ironside’s one facial expression.

He's such a happy guy.

Michael Ironside’s other facial expression.

This movie also contains:

Sean Connery as Ramirez

“RAMIIIIIIIIIIIIIREEEEEEEEEEEEZ!”

This movie does not contain:

The Ozone Layer

The Ozone Layer.

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25 Responses

  1. Love the show…I must say though, more M.O.M., less Katherine. I don’t advocate monotonous tones, but I find it so irritating and annoying how she changes her voice and accent every other word.

  2. Despite the fact that my taste in movies often differs from your own, your podcast is one of my favorites. I shan’t tell you my favorite podcast as i don’t want to cause podcast envy. I tend to listen to podcasts only when at my desk during the week, and i was glad to have the Sky High review greet me this morning. When i checked this afternoon, i found the Highlander II review waiting for me, and i literally gasped with glee. Not only did i get two podcasts today, but one was a GREATEST MOVIE EVER with Katherine, and the other was a WORST MOVIE EVER with Mom. If you somehow could crank out a GREATEST WORST MOVIE EVER with Sean, i think my head would asplode through the power of such a trifecta.

    Two things: 1) i’d like to see a peace form between Katherine and Mom, because by their powers combined they can be the ultimate co-hosts. 2) the intro music is okay, but the lyrics in the outro kinda creep me out.

  3. Sneakernet: You are on my shit list.

  4. I think it’s about high time you started a forum for your podcast Gooberzilla. You seem to have built up a decent sized fan-base, so the time is ripe for a site expansion!

  5. Highlander 2 was one of the biggest disappointments in my movie watching life. For the longest time I wasn’t allowed to watch R-Rated movies, and I have a vivid memory of the Highlander 2 commercial bit where they show Michael Ironside’s extending sword. By the time I was allowed to rent R-Rated movies on my own I started with the first Highlander which I loved. I think about ten minutes into Highlander 2 I was already thinking “Uh, what the hell?” The gratuitous subway scene, the bird people and the fact that the extending sword didn’t even end up being that cool!!?

    Worst. Movie. Ever.

    At least Highlander 3 lived up to its cool visuals with the morphing and all that. And yes, I agree that Christopher Lambert must’ve had a breast sucking sex scene clause in his contract for these films.

  6. Sorry karaoke : The peoples have spoken !

    Down with Katherine the Great

    M.O.M the Magnificent shall rule this dinky podcast forevermore !!!!!!!!1111

    Oh yeah and I’m totally up for a gooberzilla forum. Any place where goob/karaoke and some of the other fan-service guys can rant about crappy movies is OK by me.

    Peace Out
    Love and Kisses
    front-beat

  7. My knowledge of the Highlander movies mainly consists of some random scene where Mario Van Peebles–adorned with some weird piercing–eats a condom in front of a Japanese hooker. No joke. I don’t know what movie that’s from or if it’s even a Highlander movie, but dang it, that image still haunts me even until this day.

    To add to the cohost drama. Although I adore both M.O.M and Katharine, my favorite is definitely Sean “Hollywood” Hunting. The kid’s got style. I respect that…

    Final bit ranting. I prefer the old intro and exit music. But, then again techno and anime kinda freaks me out.

    Keep up the good work!

  8. Regarding the new music for the podcast: The lyrics are supposed to creep you out; they’re from Maria’s speech in Silent Hill 2, the Greatest Video Game EVER. I would’ve prefered to keep Akira Ifukube’s Godzilla March to open and close the show, but I was worried that it would become a legal issue, so I commissioned Violence Mars to whip me up an original piece that incorporates elements of Ifukube and Silent Hill.

    Regarding a forum: Your wish is my command. I’ve opened up a forum that can be accessed via the new Contact Us sidebar on the front-page. I consider it a beta, so behave yourselves!

    Finally, it’s Mom’s birthday today. Happy Birthday, Mom!

  9. It is our Queens Birthday ?

    All hail M.O.M the Magnificent

  10. Hooray for Katherine and down with all you haters.

    Ivan: The condom-eating scene is from Highlander III.

  11. Highlander II explained … the piece of mind is high this week.

  12. I’ve enjoyed listening to ALL of your co-hosts. I like M.O.M. for the different perspective she brings, specifically being able to approach the films as someone who saw them when they were first released (Logan’s Run, Zardoz).

    Katherine has come into her own with the last few episodes she was on. Perhaps graduation allowed her to loosen up and enjoy these movies more.

    The less said about Sean, the better–mere words cannot express his awesomeness.

  13. Yes it seems that the people have voted

    1)M.O.M the Magnificent
    2)Shaun HollyWood Hunting

    and last but deservedly least

    3)That Katherine women

  14. I’ve already got more logins than i want to keep track of. Is there a way of getting the forums to accept OpenId?

  15. “That Katherine woman” is amazing. You’re all just jealous.

  16. Jealous of what ?

    Her stereotypical college girl attitude ? Her stereotypical insults of Paul ? Her stereotypical movie love interests ?

  17. Amen to that.

  18. Dear front-beat,

    đŸ˜¦ You are mean.

  19. Sorry karoake , but I have little to no desire to a listen to a b*tchy co-ed make fun of a intelligent well spoken movie buff.If I wanted that I’d just play the first 15 minutes of any of the Revenge of the Nerds movies.

    Btw Paul what happened to Angel and George . Any chance of them coming back on ?

  20. front-beat, I would like to ask you to lay off the Katherine-bashing for a bit. She’s my co-host and she’s starting to take it personally, and I’m the one who has to deal with that, okay? Also bear in mind that I have complete editorial control over the finished podcast product, so if any insults make it through the revision process, it’s because I decided to leave them in there.

    Angel and George are still safely sequested in the Apatosaurus Preserve, but because of a combination of conflicting schedules and technical difficulties, we haven’t been able to record anything together recently. I’ll try to remedy that soon.

  21. Bitchy co-ed?! Okay, that’s pretty fucked up.

    I think Katherine is witty and brings much-needed balance to the podcast.

  22. Yeah I guess you’re right Paul . I’m Making way too much fuss about nothing really đŸ™‚

    Sorry Kat , hopefully you can sorta forgive me đŸ™‚

  23. To make Katharine the great feel better, let her know that I *heart* her.

  24. Man, Highlander II just brings out the worst in some people. Only one man can save us now…

    RAMIIIIIIIIIIIIIREEEEEEEEEEEEZ!

  25. Just listened to the review and I must say that overall you did a good job, though the line about ”it” not happening got a bit old. Anyhow my real reason for writing was that I was simply amazed that you didn’t mention the european theatrical cut, in which the ending is Lambert flying away with the girl away to the planet Zeist. This is also known as the “fairytale ending” and can be seen on YouTube; it is also the version I enjoy the most. Also, even if you had mentioned it I would have still written in to mention that if one buys into that line of thinking (like I do) then the next logical Highlander is obviously the Lambert flix Beowulf (1999). In that version of Beowulf, Lambert is old, has white hair, is on some unknown planet, and is a swordsmaster. Also, when compared to the “real” Highlander III, I find that I enjoy (on a bad scale) Beowulf much more. Thus in closing I would recommend/welcome a GREATEST MOVIE EVER review of Lambert’s futuristic Beowulf (aka Highlander III)

    Long days and pleasant nights.

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