Get ready to fire all your ammunition at that scary moth,

because Phantoms is (probably not) the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film,

featuring Dave and Joel from Fast Karate for the Gentleman.

Review in a Nutshell: This movie is entirely forgettable. Dean Koontz’s writing causes temporary amnesia. Wait, what were we talking about again? Who are you people? What is this place?

Also, be sure to check out Paul’s work on Skin Crawling Comics. The IndieGoGo campaign can be found HERE.



  1. timeliebe says:

    Wow – never has so much talent been in the service of so little….

  2. Just a quick addendum to my comment:

    I’m not saying that Hellraiser and Halloween were good franchises to this point. What I am saying is that Joe Chapelle’s inept direction hurt a really unique Hellraiser movie (in which the original director walked because the studio wasn’t okay with his much darker vision) and he edited the hell out Halloween VI at the studio’s request (and to rework the plot after Donald Pleaseance’s passing).

    All I’m saying is that dude is a hack as a film director (and a studio lapdog) and now is riding the coat tails of much more talented people in television (a lot of co-executive producer credits). He did direct a few good episodes of the Wire and Fringe, but he cannot direct films with any degree of competence.

  3. timeliebe says:

    Wearing your Internet Terrorism proudly, Thomas? 😉

    Chapelle sounds a lot like a television director who’s good until you give him (or her) a feature film to direct – then you learn his/her strengths are in what amounts to “directing traffic”. S/he can keep a pre-established show with actors who know their parts moving forward, and bring an episode in on time and on budget – the last thing you need in a television director is some Michael Cimino wannabe trying to show off her/his “vision”! I’m thinking specifically of a second-season TWIN PEAKS episode Lynch let Diane Keaton direct – she kept imposing her own “style” over the episode (which was heavily influenced by the music videos she was doing at the time), and the results were not only predictably awful, but jarring to boot.

    But give most television directors a feature where s/he has to bring a personal stamp to the work – and the results are usually lackluster to borderline incompetent. Take Jonathan Frakes – he’s a hell of a television director (he’s done some of the best CASTLE, BURN NOTICE and LEVERAGE episodes, as well as a lot of TREK and non-TREK SF television), and when he was doing the TNG features he was an ideal choice because he was friends with his co-stars and treated the entire thing like a TNG two-parter with more money. But when he tried directing the feature film of THUNDERBIRDS, it – didn’t go well.

  4. Nissl says:

    Mike & Ikes are perfectly fine candy, screw you guys.

    …that’s all I have to say about this movie. I may or may not have watched it at some point, not totally sure.

  5. rutilcaper says:

    Mike and Ikes are better than jelly beans, that’s as far as I’ll concede.

    I don’t remember what we said about them? Didn’t we just relate our Mike and Ikes ice cream experience, which is the candy became so hard it shattered half of our teeth, without any quality judgments about the candy itself?

    Not that I think we’re above extemporaneous prejudice.

  6. Floor says:

    I remember watching this movie in a theater and how awesome the part where they walk out in the the town and all of the car alarms go off. That turned out to be one of my favorite things about the Silent Hill movie with the tornado siren.

  7. dsage84 says:

    Also, Dave and Joel should co-host more often.

  8. Thomas Pandich says:

    In the grand Parthenon of candies, Mike and Ikes rank slightly above Mary Janes. There are literally a hundred candies I’d rather eat than Mike and Ikes.

  9. Aww, I like both Mike & Ike’s and Mary Jane’s. The real awful candy is that black and orange-wrapped peanut butter candy that only appears during the Halloween season. We used to call it “mung” because we never knew what it’s actual name was.

    Paul, I hope you don’t mind me posting this here, but this is my reevaluation/review of Alien 3:

    I only include it because I’ve heard you mention a few times that you want to do an Alien 3 podcast in the future. I’d really like to throw my hat into the ring as a guest host if you haven’t planned on having anyone else on for it. I have kind of an unnatural obsession with that movie.

  10. timeliebe says:

    Further to my comments about Jonathan Frakes, the AV Club did a “Random Roles” interview with him, where they also talk some about his television directing – he’s apparently close buds with Nathan Fillion, which makes me wonder if someday they shouldn’t do an “Awesome Cult Movie/TV Dudes” action series starring Fillion, Bruce Campbell and Kurt Russell, directed by Jonathan Frakes!,100891/

  11. Thomas Pandich says:

    CultureCast-Z: The black and orange candy IS WHAT MARY JANES ARE!!!! THE PHONE CALLS ARE COMING FROM INSIDE YOUR MOUTH!!!!

    When I talk about Mary Janes, I’m talking about Mary Jane peanut butter kisses, THE WORST CANDY OF ALL TIME. I think the Mary Janes you’re speaking of are their version of Bit o Honey which is a perfectly acceptable candy.

  12. Jung-ho says:

    Thank you Dave for “The Town” mention

    When Argo gets mentioned in the context of ‘does everyone forgive Ben Affleck?’ my mind goes right to his immediately previous film

  13. @Tom

    That cracked me up! Thanks for the clarification.

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s