Don’t Worry, Kids; The Dolphins Survive

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Watch out for under-cranked stock footage from nature documentaries, because Jaws 3-D is (probably not) the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the title or the movie poster above to download our review of the film, featuring Matt “Saint Mort” Kelly from the Horror Movie Night podcast.

Review in a Nutshell: Hamstrung by an implausible premise and gimmicky 3-D camerawork, Jaws 3-D is arguably the nadir of the Jaws films. Despite a surprising amount of talent arrayed before and behind the camera, the film’s plot never quite hits its stride and the cinematography and special effects suffer from the de-conversion process. It’s an odd relic from an early Eighties 3-D revival that never got off the ground.

Don’t Let it Get Your Goat.

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Beware of women, witchcraft, and the wilderness, because The Witch (2015) is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film featuring Zac Bertschy of Anime News Network and Kristina ‘ChibiUFO’ Foster.

Review in a Nutshell: A grim, challenging film of pain-staking period detail and exquisite composition, The Witch (2015) is an atypical, intelligent horror tale with strong feminist themes and disturbing religious subtext.

More Fun Than a Tank Full of Electric Eels. Maybe.

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Lay off the anti-aircraft artillery, because Repticilus is (probably not) The Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the lobby card or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring M.O.M., the Mistress of Malapropisms.

Review in a Nutshell: A Danish / American co-production sponsored in part by American International Pictures, Reptilicus is one part giant monster movie, one part travelogue, and one part puzzling artifact of the mysteries of international productions. Apparently, in the Danish version of the film, there is at least one more musical number, and also the titular monster can fly.

FINAL THOUGHT:

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This is an actual screen capture that from Reptilicus, highlighting the movie’s “spectacular” special effects.

“Hail to the King, Baby.”

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Gas up the chainsaw, because Army of Darkness is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring M.O.M., the Mistress of Malapropisms.

Review in a Nutshell: Although the theatrical cut of Army of Darkness suffers from the choppy final edit foisted upon the film by the studio, the 3rd movie in The Evil Dead series is still the funniest and most easily accessible entry, and it stands out as a fun throwback to an age of practical special effects from the days before the ascension of CG.

Lucifer Skips Leg Day

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Fire up your post-apocalyptic motorbikes, because Rats: Night of Terror is the Greatest Movie EVER!.

Click on the Italian movie poster or the title above to download our review of the featuring Oli “InvidNinja92” Bulmer.

Review in a Nutshell: A low-budget post-apocalyptic Italian exploitation film that borrows liberally from such source material as Night of the Living Dead and H.G. Wells’ The Time Machine, Rats: Night of Terror is worth viewing for some surprisingly well composed scenes and an ending that is baffling in ways that only a Claudio Fragasso script can achieve. Squeak, squeak.

FINAL THOUGHT:

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Do not use Google Image Search to look up this movie. The top results are massive spoilers.

Error: 404 ‘Splitting Headache Joke’ Not Found

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Hold onto your brains, because Scanners is the Greatest Movie EVER! Click on the movie poster or the title above to

download our review of the film, featuring M.O.M., the Mistress of Malapropisms.

Review in a Nutshell: Often mis-classified as a horror film, Scanners is better described as a genre-blending science fiction film with elements of espionage and body horror. Patrick McGoohan is full of bombast and bravura and Michael Ironside is delightfully villainous, and the special make-up effects are still horrifying and grotesque even today.

“Ever work tha pickah?”

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Break out the fire hoses, because Graveyard Shift is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film,

featuring Saint Mort of The Saint Mort Show and Horror Movie Night Podcast, both available via Geekscape.net.

Review in a Nutshell: A fun little “creature feature” that completely flies apart in the third act, Graveyard Shift nevertheless has excellent production value, good special effects, and charming performances from a strong cast of character actors.