Karate Invasion! Revenge of the Robot Wang

The Greatest Movie EVER!

Disconnect your Bluetooth Headsets, because

Appleseed: Ex Machina is the Greatest Movie EVER!

BONUS CONTENT: Dave’s Adventures in Space! (Podcast Outtakes.)

Thanks go out to Digitalguardian for the following screen-caps, since my copy of the movie is on Blu-Ray.

This movie contains:

The Scourge of All Humanity.

Unlikely Competition.

Deunan’s Hobo Suit.

COMING SOON!

COMING SOON!

“Isn’t dual-wielding kukris a bit over-kill?”

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15 Responses

  1. Man, Ex Machina was such a disappointment when I finally got to watch it. The animation looked a lot nicer in terms of facial features and colour compared to the first movie and I guess the action was cool but the love story was so contrived and boooooooooring. I wanted more giant spider fortresses!

  2. Oh and about John Woo, as a person from Hong Kong I offer our deepest apologies for his contributions to cinema in the last 10 years…

  3. Char’s Zaku isn’t pink. It’s light red.

  4. Joel’s joke that Mr. Chapman did not appreciate/understand had to do with the fact that Aramaki sounds like Aragami, a film Ryuhei Kitamura made in a week as part of a bet. Clearly this is because Paul attributes all good things in this movie to Shinji Aramaki and all bad things to John Woo due to his stated aversion to anything that reminds him of what Bey Logan calls “heroic bloodshed.” Really Paul, you’re crediting Shinji Aramaki for the firearms and weapons in this? Name me some anime with really elaborate guns in them that Shinji Aramaki did, because as it stands I’m thinking he spends all his time on transforming robots / motorcycles.

    Onto the point, which is that this podcast got hemo blood on me and therefore IT IS ON:

    It is GODDAMNED ABSURD that anyone–ANYONE–would think that Appleseed: Ex Machina is worse IN ANY WAY WHATSOEVER (other than music) than the original one, let alone all three of you. That is just BS. There are far more good action scenes in Ex Machina AND they are more varied. The original movie had what, three action scenes? Four, maybe? One or two of which were kind of memorable? “The original movie’s action scenes pumped me up more than this?” “There was action every five minutes?” Are you dense? Are you RETARDED? Any movie that has the nerve to tease us with the goddamned monofilament wire and then NOT USE THEM for much of anything (a gun and a robot face? THAT’S IT?!) gets no props from me even though I own the metal case version. EVEN SPRIGGAN GOT THIS PART RIGHT. Ex Machina easily has practically DOUBLE the fights compared to part 1, and there’s not just shootouts but kung fu fighting–mere karate masters can’t understand this, but per G Gundam, kung fu allows you to fight robots as a human–flying mecha that shoot stuff, ground-based mecha chases, the HARD TARGET~! GUNSHOTS THEN SPINKICK, and the ROBOCOP GUN.

    THE. ROBO. COP. GUN.

    I would take pretty much any action scene in this movie over whatever the crap you want to consider the best fight in the first Appleseed in a heartbeat. Even Vexille had Chopper Dave. “Too much soap opera?” You must be forgetting those three quarters in the middle of the first movie where NOTHING HAPPENS but “blah blah blah this is the future, blah blah blah robots don’t reproduce, blah blah blah council of elders.” BO-RING! Appleseed Ex Machina understands that there is no need for any sort of extensive world-building enterprise because the setting of Appleseed…isn’t terribly compelling. “There’s a city with people and robots that look like people, and sometimes the need arises for people to shoot robots that look like people” is all I need, and that’s all this movie provides. And it doesn’t take the majority of the movie to do it, either.

    Clarissa [Dave] gets a pass on the soundtrack bit, since the person who did the soundtrack for the first one worked on Vexille instead of this. But there is no pass for anyone as far as giving a crap about any of the so-called “characters” in this movie not being “depicted well.” I got news for you. There are no characters in this movie. None whatsoever. I don’t care about Deunan Knute. She is the generic Anime Fighting Female Stereotype / Masamune Shirow Woman. She’s nothing, and if she was replaced by a broom or the sparring dummy from God Hand the film would not suffer for it. It does not matter that Briareos has a pony tail instead of Mr. Popo lips or is sad or BOO HOO HOO DOES SPIN KICKS WHICH ISN’T TRUE TO HIS CHARACTER!!!!!! because I am too busy appreciating the fact that he channeled John Preston. JOHN. PRESTON.

    This movie is even less similar to the original manga than the first movie. THANK GOD.

  5. Daryl’s epic diatribe makes up for my prediction being called utterly “wrong” by Davissa.

    I still think I was right about it, at least enough to downgrade the slam to a mere glancing blow.

  6. All I did was use a digital camera. Anyway, you could have PMed me for the screenshots you wanted. I would be all too happy to watch Ex Machina again.

  7. Jesus Daryl.

    Why does everyone mention the robocop gun? It was in one scene, and it wasn’t even an action scene.

    And what the fuck do I want with kung-fu when it’s not done by Deunan immediately before and/or after shooting a gun at something (see: spinkicks). The sparring match between Telios and Briareos was retarded, and totally brought my estimation of the movie down. Sorry Telios, you can’t come with us on the rest of the mission because you’re too busy PISSING BLOOD INTO A BAG FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

    The first and last action scenes were awesome, but the rest of the movie? Not really that great… the first one had great scenes at the beginning and end (though I’d concede that Ex Machine’s opener is better) AND it had the Bubblegum Crisis girls AND it had the chase through the city. Ex Machine had the idiotic sparring session (which doesn’t count anyway for sheer reason of its stupidity), the construction robot scene (which was two seconds long, and needed more motorcycles being thrown into robots), aaaand…. Briareos getting hit by a car?

    I really liked Ex Machina, almost entirely on the strength of its opener and closer, but I still like the first one better.

    Conclusion: I’m Daryl Surat. I’m all like WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

    Also Jeff, we barely even mentioned the topics you predicted the show would be about. Consider your burn reinstated, as its dismissal was not approved by the proper authorities.

  8. Burn reinstated? OH DEAR.

    Well, it’s a good thing I play Pyro pretty often, because they don’t stay lit on fire when you hit them with a flamethrower.

  9. What this movie needed was for John Woo to add in a scene where Deunan and Briarions are in the middle of a firefight yelling “Mickey Mouse!!!!!!” “Numb Nuts!!!!!”

    And there is no film that couldn’t be improved b including a massive shoot-out with guys disguised as a rugby team with white uniforms. Even The Killer, which already has that scene, could be improved by adding another one.

  10. All right, Dave used my description! “prehensile” FTW. I’m kind of surprised that Joel and Paul didn’t pick up on the implications, though. Apparently they’re not as experienced as they let on.

  11. The Banana Phone song was written by Raffi, a children’s song writer. Nothing to do with dongs you sickos.

  12. Were I actually part of the phone call, I would’ve said as much.

    But I also would’ve talked about dongs.

  13. Great podcast, Paul. The two guest hobos(sorry, displaced people) were a nice touch.

    Beyond the fact that I, pretty much, was unable to be impressed by the first film, I’m not holding out much hope for Ex Machina. As it is I’m having to shave back on purchases thanks to Joe Government letting me go from my job, so justifying the purchase of a film I haven’t even seen is tenuous at best. And yes, as Daryl will no doubt pull me over it, this is the same logic that allowed me to buy Sister Princess. And I’m still in therapy over that series. I can’t afford the Fluoxetine.

    The first film did have it’s moments but not enough of them.

    For me the fact that John Woo was involved in the second film should have piqued my interest but, I don’t know, it just didn’t happen for me.

    Having said all that, I’m looking forward to the RE podcast.

  14. “Isn’t dual-wielding kukris a bit over-kill?”

    Never! 🙂

  15. The woman is fighting a Zombie horde, its seriously underkill and her being way too nice..

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