The Misadventures of Mary Sue

The 'Greatest' Movie EVER!

Anderson thinks it’s Alice uber allis, and

Resident Evil: Extinction is the ‘Greatest’ Movie EVER.

This movie contains:

Aw, she's sad and lonely.

Mary Sue…er, I mean ‘Alice’.

He is Carlos, Leader of Men!

“Hey, where’d my character go?”

NOM NOM NOM

Zombies. They HATE chain-link fences.

CAW!

CROWS. (peck peck peck peck peck peck peck)

Shouldn't have eaten the shellfish.

Severe Food Allergies. Oh, wait, that’s a Tyrant.

At least they got one thing right.

Piles and Piles of Dead Alice Clones.

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14 Responses

  1. I am so happy this finally made it to post. I’ve been seeing this at work for the past month or so and God, is it awful.
    It’s nice to have someone mention the whole Mary Sue atmosphere revolving around the Alice character. Also, while I think Ali Larter is all hawt and stuff, you guys are so right, she looks a bit butch to be playing Claire Redfield. Also, I have to correct Bishop that Claire’s love interest dies; Leon Kennedy survived RE2 obviously to be the main character in RE4.

    I really would like to hear Shinji Mikami’s response to Alice and the RE:Extinction. I’d really would like to see the response be have Alice show up in the RE5, only to get torn apart by Africanized killer zombies or falcon-punched by Chris Redfield in the first 5 minutes of the game.

  2. Actually Claire’s love interest was not Leon S. Kennedy, but Steve Burnside, the Leonardo DiCaprio look alike. That was in Code Veronica. Leon, badass though he is, has his own tragic love interest, Ada Wong (who is now alive again).

    Though I agree seeing Alice die in RE5 would be LEGENDARY!!!

    Also, for those who care, here is the Mary Sue Litmus test: http://www.springhole.net/quizzes/marysue.htm

    I ran Alice through it and got a score of 125! Anything above 50, is considered to be an unrecoverable Mary sue, she scores over DOUBLE that!

  3. He tries to rein in Alice’s cootch?

  4. I was listening to the podcast when Gunsmith-X mentions that he would have loved to seen a lesbian scene with a minor, my mouth dropped. Other then that, great podcast. Keep it up!

  5. Apparently Capcom is making a C.G. adaptation of the first RE game. I pray that is is better then the last all C.G. RE movie they made.

  6. Really though, isn’t Milla Jovovich’s entire action film career summed up as being the misadventures of Mary Sue? Because this sure as heck isn’t the only movie where Milla Jovovich is in the future and has to contend with hordes of bad guys that some evil monolithic entity is behind (infection with a terrible virus optional) using the power of wirework and vaguely defined powers while saddled with a ragtag bunch of misfits.

    In fact, you like at least two of them.

  7. God every time Daryl brings up the subject of Jovovich, the trauma of watching UV comes flooding back to him! I thought the films trailer looked cool, dumb and stupid, to be best avoided. Thank God I listened to the voices in my head and didn’t watch it.

    And from what Goob and co. make of Res Evil: Extinction, that film is best avoided too.

  8. But this movie doesn’t have Bruce Willis and Chris Tucker.

  9. I’d argue that Leelu is not a Mary Sue, not only because she’s not the protagonist in that film (even though the movie is named The Fifth Element), but also because other personalities such as Zorg, Korben Dallas, and Ruby Rhod far eclipse hers.

    Violet of Ultraviolet is indubitably a mary sue, though. But can you blame Wimmer for making her such? Only a mary sue could fully convey the hardship of a single mother vampire in the post-Infocalypse future, struggling to get by from day to day with no child support and little assistance from her flat-space katanas, subdimensional submachine guns, and anti-gravity belts.

  10. Goob, with that last post you have made impossible for me never to have to watch Ultraviolet EVER. I hope you’re happy with yourself. Now I’m going to lock myself in a room (ON MY OWN!!!) and suffer this title.

  11. I like how the tagline on the RE:Extinction poster is “All bets are off” when as far as I’m aware, they spend only one action scene in Las Vegas… Give that marketing team a cookie!!!

  12. First Ultraviolet = crap.
    Second, again, George says ‘Literally’ literally way too much, literally.

  13. So when Milla played Joan of Arc, was she a Mary Sue there? I mean, weird young woman with strange haircut, chosen by God to face countless enemies and insurmountable odds, fierce asskicker despite being all thin and wirey? She’s got it all.

    If you want to make RE:E seem better, you should watch HELL OF THE LIVING DEAD or ZOMBI 3. It’ll change your life.

  14. I second kaiki’s remark. O_O

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