Big Month of Mark – Double Dragon

The Greatest Movie EVER!

Abobo can’t drive, and Double Dragon is the Greatest Movie EVER!

This movie contains:

Charmed?

Awesome Hair.

Robert Patrick doesn't even care.

AWESOME HAIR.

Kick him in the pit!

Fuzzy Memories.

ERRATA:

I got Michael Berryman’s name wrong. Sorry, Michael!

COMING SOON!

COMING SOON!

The Month of Mark Dacascos gets preempted for a very special Mother’s Day.

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8 Responses

  1. Do you hate Mamoru Oshii?

  2. Ninja: American Samurai… that’s all i’m going to say.

  3. Oh man, Alyssa Milano in this movie…give me her and that crazy chick from High Tension, and I will be happy to die.

    I’m only going to assume you’re already planning for ONLY THE STRONG, where Mark does his best to make us afraid of a martial art practiced mostly by dumpy girls in dirty linen pants and white dudes with dreadlocks and juggling sticks.

    You should avoid DRIVE, as it is a genuinely amazing Mark Dacascos film. But if you want to celebrate CHINA STRIKE FORCE…call me.

    And once again…REDLINE! Mark Dacascos vs. Rutger Hauer! it’s the best of both worlds!

  4. Hey, it’s the Double Dragon cartoon.

  5. It’s a testament to this movie that I’d managed to forget almost everything about it except for two things. The sound my jaw made hitting the floor when they explained how the police had a deal with the gangs where the cops could only come out during the day, and the hair.

    And it’s good to finally see GitS be honored as the Greatest Movie EVER. Did someone finally win the contest?

  6. Someone please tell Sean the Indiana Jones badguy he was thinking of is called Belloq.

  7. The Wing Commander games and setting was a large chunk of much of my youth, and it’s a very well-established setting between the multiple pieces of in-world literature you’d get with each game and the assorted novels. For a time I was fairly well-versed in Wing Commander lore to the point that I could conceivably answer trivia questions like “Who was someone that survived the Kilrathi assault of Pegasus Base in Vega Sector in 2654?”; hundreds of questions like these were posted through the heyday of alt.games.wing-commander on Usenet, which I read in its entirety. *

    And so while the badness of the Wing Commander movie is obvious to anyone, the true depths of it can’t be understood unless you’re fully aware of just how poorly adapted and off the mark it is on every conceivable level despite being written and directed by the original creator of all the games. I frequently allude to the fact that “then one day, something inside of me died.” It’s quite likely that seeing the Wing Commander movie might have been that day, since just about every last bit of Wing Commander knowledge is gone from my brain now.

    Oh right, Double Dragon. I approve mightily of the Big Month of Mark, on the grounds that all those nonbelievers who hatorize on mighty Mark get ABOBOWNED. The first time I ever saw Mark Dacascos? It was years until I learned that Mark Dacascos–OR AS I FIRST KNEW HIM, SECOND LIEUTENANT TROY CARTER, CALLSIGN “CATSCRATCH” FROM WING COMMANDER IV–knew kung fu, and now I understand that Mark Dacascos would kick Jonathan Livingston Seagull’s ass with the Mid-Air Somerassault. God, I didn’t even have to look that name up. Or that Wing Commander IV quote, for that matter.

    * When perusing through the old questions for an actual example of what they were like, I encountered one that read “What type of fighters were sent from Caernarvon Station to assist the TCS Concordia in the Gwynedd System in 2667?” I passed over it because my immediate response was “nah, that one’s too easy. P-64 Ferrets, duh!”

  8. Additional quality Orson Welles movies: Lady from Shanghai, and that one about Nostradamus.

    And you guys are insane — Alyssa’s haircut in this is lovely.

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