Curse You, Euclid!

Hold onto your boots, because Cube Zero is definitely not the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell:  Hopelessly crippled by ridiculous writing and bad ideas, Cube Zero takes a decent little science fiction / horror series and piledrives it into the pavement.  Its badness has to be seen to be believed.

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15 Responses

  1. My Little Cube: Math is Magic

  2. Hey guys, the director of the original Cube is still doing some pretty great work. He made the recent film Splice last year, which was pretty great.

  3. Splice is one of the worst films I’ve seen in years. If that’s the kind of film he’s making, I almost wish what Sean had said were true.

  4. Yeah this movie sucks. You should do the original Cube. That movie rocks.

  5. Does character played by Sailor Moon die? I’d watch the film at least till that scene.

  6. Most of what you guys had to say was pretty much how I felt. I watched Cube and loved it, and then I found out a long time later that Cube 2 and Cube Zero existed. I tracked both down and watched Cube 2 and thought it was awesome, and then I was super excited for Cube Zero…watched it the next day, and I died a little on the inside.

  7. Maybe the nightmare is watching this movie. The tagline is actually a warning to not watch the film D:

  8. Science Fiction films that have yet to be cover by the podcast:
    Abre Los Ojos
    The Fly
    12 Monkeys
    Brazil
    Delicatessen
    Dark City
    The Matrix
    Timecrimes
    Solaris
    Stalker
    Time of the Wolf
    Children of Men
    Pi
    Seconds
    Gattaca
    The Clone Returns Home
    Back in the Future
    2001
    Minority Report
    ET
    Close Encounters
    Primer
    City of Lost Children
    The Alien series
    The Predator series
    The Prestige

  9. And Split Second

    I never had any particular intention of watching Cube Zero, having had the ending spoiled for me already, but it’s good to hear that decision vindicated.

    I did enjoy the first Cube, but thought the second a bit bland. The first had some originality, but the second just seemed like more of the same, just with a bigger budget. Also, the ending to the second movie really annoyed me.

    So you, a stupidly powerful corporation, have an agent who’s just shown herself capable enough to successfully complete the most suicidal mission EVER, and the first thing you do is shoot her? Tell me…do you also poison your lawyers when they successfully defend you against major class action lawsuits? Crucify the lobbyists that successfully get laws passed to protect your monopoly?

    No wonder the religion shown in Cube Zero is so messed up! Apparently this is a world where the Aztecs conquered the world. 😛

  10. This is why I really wish people wouldn’t post laundry lists of stuff they want to see covered.

    I have no interest in Abre Los Ojos; I hated Vanilla Sky.
    The Fly – Maybe. Depends on how much Cronenberg I feel like covering. I’d do Scanners first.
    Brazil – I have nothing to say about this film, even though I like Terry Gilliam. I don’t have much to say about 12 Monkeys, either.
    I’ve never seen Delicatessen.
    I’ll get to Dark City eventually.
    I feel no need to talk about The Matrix. Everyone has already seen it and formed their opinions.
    Timecrimes was merely okay. I don’t have much of anything interesting to say about it.
    Which Solaris? The original or the remake? I saw the remake. It was okay. Not a lot to talk about there.
    I haven’t seen Time of the Wolf or Stalker.
    Children of Men had some great cinematography, but the premise was dumb. I don’t plan on covering it.
    Pi is the next podcast Sean and I are recording.
    I’ve never heard of Seconds.
    Gattaca is a boring film. I don’t plan on covering it.
    I’ve never heard of The Clone Returns Home.
    Back to the Future – see The Matrix.
    2001 – One of my favorite science fiction films. Also pretentious as hell. Not sure if I’ll cover it.
    I hated Minority Report. I don’t plan on covering it.
    I’ve never liked ET. If I do talk about it, it will be on the Eeeper’s Choice podcast, not this one.
    Close Encounters was boring as hell.
    Primer will be covered at some point in the future. Sean and I have been meaning to do it for a while now.
    City of Lost Children – highly overrated. If your film opens with a deer going poo, there’s something wrong here. Don’t plan on covering it.
    I posed the question of whether I should cover modern classics like the Terminator, Alien, and Predator films. The response was overwhelmingly negative. Also, all of those series have deep mainstream penetration. See Back to the Future.
    The Prestige – boring as hell. I don’t plan on covering it.
    Split Second – this film is out-of-print and not readily available by any legal means. That makes it largely ineligible for consideration. I can’t in good conscience go around talking about stuff that’s nearly impossible for other people to see.

    I think I need to start laying some ground rules. If you want to suggest something, please only suggest one film at a time. Pick the one you want to hear about the most. Don’t do the above. You’ll be less likely to get a response if you do.

    Please don’t request films that are not currently in print or are not available through Netflix streaming or another online on-demand source. It’s no fun talking about it if no one can see it.

    Also, please don’t keep requesting the same film over and over if I’ve already said I don’t intend to cover it or I do intend to cover it, but at some point in the undetermined future. And if the movie has an ambiguous title, please be absolutely clear about which film you mean. I’ve had people pester me into watching mediocre films that wasted my time, only to find out they meant something entirely different which was only available on VHS ten years ago.

  11. The thing is, Gooberzilla ought to review, or watch at least once, Bloodrayne: The Third Reich. It keeps to the spirit of the old episodes of TGME. It is a campy film with Clint Howard as a main villain, nazis, vampires, vampires-nazis AND nazi-vampires. The cinematography is fun to watch and is more enjoyable then House of the Dead. The movie starts with a gun battle and ends with a gun battle. The only other thing that could possibly convince you, it’s the only Uwe Boll film(that I know of) that has a convincingly gory & enjoyable shot of a man’s head exploding due to a rifle round. It must be watched.

  12. Dear Gooberzilla,

    You just got a plug on the Horror etc podcast #192 (Kaiju for You) when they were talking about other podcast who talk about Godzilla films. They were wondering if you would ever cover Gojira, or however the original is spelled, as well as if you’d cover any more of those movies . Just thought you’d like to know. I hope it brings you more listeners

  13. You should review “Midnight Meat Train”, it was surprisingly good. I still have to find time to watch “Cube Zero” before I listen to this episode, I can’t wait.

  14. I can’t say I agree with your assessment of Cube Zero. It didn’t ruin the franchise by revealing what’s going on, since the movie itself reveals that the control room people are part of the experiment. What is “revealed” is a complete fake, so we still have no idea what’s really going on. I had a much better time watching this one than Hypercube, which was a bad CG mess.

  15. The only good Cube film I know of is this….

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