God Bless Uwe Boll


It doesn’t take a rocket-scientist to realize that BloodRayne is the Worst Movie EVER. And yet, I think the entire world should watch it. Everyone must know my pain.

 

On a side note, if it sounds like my voice is being strained through the guts of a cybernetic monkey, that’s because I had one of the quality settings incorrect when I recorded this. I apologize in advance.

 

2 Minutes, 57 Seconds In:

Kristanna Loken. She’s a cutie.

 

3 Minutes, 18 Seconds In:

Sir Ben Kingsley in another outrageous wig.
This is the only expression he uses in the entire film.

 

5 Minutes, 2 Seconds In:

Michael Madsen does not know how to swing a sword.

 

5 Minutes, 22 Seconds In:

Damostir, Kagan’s chief thrall. I dig his punk-rock haircut.

 

9 Minutes, 41 Seconds In:

MEATLOAF!!! OH SNAP!

 

CLOSING THOUGHT!
For all those that are not yet convinced
that this movie was made under the influence of intoxicating substances:

Purple haze / up in my brain!

 

COMING SOON!

This photo makes me think naughty things.

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7 Responses

  1. Oh man… Bloodrayne is so bad. I think it gave me brain cancer…

    Uwe Boll is pure evil and his “movies” should be banned under the rules of the Geneva Convention.

  2. No, God bless you guys, for watching this crap, so I don’t have to

  3. Great review guys, terrible film.

    Sweet merciful Jesus I thank my lucky stars that Kojima turned Uwe Boll down to make Metal Gear Solid the Movie

  4. Actually, I’d love to see Uwe Boll adapt Metal Gear Solid into a movie. I’ve always wanted to see a gay, Native American Solid Snake dual-wielding enchanted Hellfire pistols from the back of a rocket-powered unicorn.

  5. Ah, paul, you’re thinking of his movie adaptation of Maniac Mansion. Still this movie is pure cinematic pain, and yet, I love it. I mean, it’s like that kid from Special Ed, who tries so hard, but god bless his special soul, he just can’t perform. But you feel for him all the same.

    I think I’m going to hell for that.

    In other news Bloodrayne was nominated for 6 Razzies, including Worst Film of the Year, amazingly Basic Instinct 2 and Little Man got more nominations.

  6. Omg I’m so bad I like this movie aswell…i feel sooo bad

  7. Yes, this movie is bad, but you have to hand it to Uwe, he’s always trying something different.
    He’s also getting slightly better with each film.

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