God Bless Uwe Boll


It doesn’t take a rocket-scientist to realize that BloodRayne is the Worst Movie EVER. And yet, I think the entire world should watch it. Everyone must know my pain.

 

On a side note, if it sounds like my voice is being strained through the guts of a cybernetic monkey, that’s because I had one of the quality settings incorrect when I recorded this. I apologize in advance.

 

2 Minutes, 57 Seconds In:

Kristanna Loken. She’s a cutie.

 

3 Minutes, 18 Seconds In:

Sir Ben Kingsley in another outrageous wig.
This is the only expression he uses in the entire film.

 

5 Minutes, 2 Seconds In:

Michael Madsen does not know how to swing a sword.

 

5 Minutes, 22 Seconds In:

Damostir, Kagan’s chief thrall. I dig his punk-rock haircut.

 

9 Minutes, 41 Seconds In:

MEATLOAF!!! OH SNAP!

 

CLOSING THOUGHT!
For all those that are not yet convinced
that this movie was made under the influence of intoxicating substances:

Purple haze / up in my brain!

 

COMING SOON!

This photo makes me think naughty things.

7 Comments

  1. Anonymous says:

    Oh man… Bloodrayne is so bad. I think it gave me brain cancer…

    Uwe Boll is pure evil and his “movies” should be banned under the rules of the Geneva Convention.

  2. Tom says:

    No, God bless you guys, for watching this crap, so I don’t have to

  3. Eeeper says:

    Great review guys, terrible film.

    Sweet merciful Jesus I thank my lucky stars that Kojima turned Uwe Boll down to make Metal Gear Solid the Movie

  4. Gooberzilla says:

    Actually, I’d love to see Uwe Boll adapt Metal Gear Solid into a movie. I’ve always wanted to see a gay, Native American Solid Snake dual-wielding enchanted Hellfire pistols from the back of a rocket-powered unicorn.

  5. George Mori says:

    Ah, paul, you’re thinking of his movie adaptation of Maniac Mansion. Still this movie is pure cinematic pain, and yet, I love it. I mean, it’s like that kid from Special Ed, who tries so hard, but god bless his special soul, he just can’t perform. But you feel for him all the same.

    I think I’m going to hell for that.

    In other news Bloodrayne was nominated for 6 Razzies, including Worst Film of the Year, amazingly Basic Instinct 2 and Little Man got more nominations.

  6. fusioncell says:

    Omg I’m so bad I like this movie aswell…i feel sooo bad

  7. James says:

    Yes, this movie is bad, but you have to hand it to Uwe, he’s always trying something different.
    He’s also getting slightly better with each film.

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