Monthly Archives: October 2006

Now with 30% More Hungarian MIAK.

Ernest Scared Stupid is undeniably the Greatest Movie EVER.
It’s funny. And it’s frightening, too.

 

O Minutes, 45 Seconds In:

Eartha Kitt is frightening. She looks like Dahlia from Silent Hill.

 

1 Minute, 30 Seconds In:

I don’t care what Hollywood says, this troll is both scary and frightening.

 

2 Minutes, 56 Seconds In:

See? Even Ernest is frightening.

 

3 Minutes, 48 Seconds In:

These are the frightening bullies. They’re frightening.
Okay, they’re not really frightening, but one’s got a mullet and the other’s carrying an invisible shot-gun. Would you really want to mess with them?

 

12 Minutes, 1 Second In:

When Trantor the Troll goes all Super-Shredder on us, he’s not just frightening. He’s terrifying.

 

And speaking of terrifying…

 

COMING SOON!

That’s right, Dave Riley. I went there…

More fun than a Nuclear-powered Ox-Cart…


Stealth, like Reign of Fire, is the Greatest Worst Movie EVER. (Not great enough to be Greatest, not worse enough to be Worst.)

 

1 Minutes, 4 Seconds In:

EDI, the star of this picture. If I were in charge, I would design all of my robot-pilot AIs with friendly, soothing green LEDs, rather than the angry, rebellious red ones.

 

10 Minutes, 23 Seconds In:

(…I’m sorry, was I supposed to write a comment here? I got a little…distracted…)

 

11 Minutes, 38 Seconds In:

OX-CART NUKES OMG!

 

21 Minutes, 6 Seconds In:

Ganesh, the Remover of Obstacles.

 

COMING SOON!

Just in time for the holidays, the most horrifying film to hit the screen!

AOL Conquers Mars.


DOOM is the Greatest Movie EVER. No, really. I’m serious. Stop laughing.

 

1 Minute, 34 Seconds In:

Karl Urban. He’s angsty and complicated, ladies.

 

14 Minutes, 11 Seconds In:

The tragedy of TPTBS (Too Pretty To Be a Scientist) Syndrome.

 

23 Minutes, 29 Seconds In:

Forget Chekhov’s gun. This movie has Chekhov’s BFG.

 

Final Thought:

“Hey! I am the star of this picture!”

Ryuhei Kitamura, Little Debbie, and a Taste of Doppelganger

Despite pre-emptive protests by Daryl Surat from AnimeWorldOrder, Godzilla: Final Wars is the Worst Movie EVER.

 

Fair Warning:

You will need these if you wish to survive Godzilla: Final Wars.

 

2 Minutes, 24 Seconds In:

Ummm… I think I’ve seen this scene somewhere before?

 

5 Minutes, 58 Seconds In:

Josef Stalin saves the Universe!

 

14 Minutes, 28 Seconds In:

Minya-Jesus.

 

16 Minutes, 22 Seconds In:

I don’t know what he’s laughing about…
The Fashion-Police are about to serve an arrest warrant.

 

20 Minutes, 6 Seconds In – 21 Minutes, 17 Seconds In:

Despite Mom’s heartiest efforts to stop the downward spiral into madness, the Almighty Gooberzilla loses his frickin’ mind.

 


Oh yeah, and apparently Godzilla’s in this movie, too.

 

COMING SOON!

“I belieeeeeeeeeve I can flyyyyyyyyyyy…”

An Africa without Elvira (or Harrison Ford)


Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold is the Worst Movie EVER. But even so, I still love you, Golan-Globus! Come back to me; all is forgiven!

2 Minutes, 1 Second In:

Mom punks me out with the promise of home-baked goodness.

4 Minutes, 7 Seconds In and 10 Minutes, 48 Seconds In:

Shenanigans are called on Indiana Jones and J.R.R. Tolkien, respectively.

14 Minutes, 30 Seconds In:

Henry Silva as Agon. This guy loves his job.

18 Minutes, 31 Seconds In:

Sharon Stone channeling Kate Capshaw. Yeah, she’s like this the whole movie.

And finally:

James Earl Jones as Umslopogaas. We suspect he’s actually Stromnir the Mighty’s brother by another mother.

That’s it for now. Until next time. PEACE!