No Love for Nemmy?


We’re (un)dead serious when we say that Resident Evil: Apocalypse is the Worst Movie EVER. I guess our chief criticism is the movie tries to be like the game, and it fails. This wouldn’t be as much of a problem if the game wasn’t so silly in the first place…

 

6 Minutes, 31 Seconds In:

In think Isaac Newton himself said it was physically impossible to bungee-jump out of a helicopter while dual-wielding Berettas…

 

7 Minutes, 10 Seconds In:

Milla loves her machine-pistols.

 

8 Minutes, 42 Seconds In:

The lonely death of Nikolai.

 

21 Minutes, 5 Seconds In:

Nemmy need hug?

 

COMING SOON!

A huge snake…but NOT also poisonous.

Greg Saves Ancient China

The Lost Empire aka “The Monkey King” is the Greatest Mini-Series EVER. Don’t believe us? Does any other mini-series have…


…Bai Ling as a goddess in disguise?


…Terra cotta warriors?


…Pig-men and humorless monks?

14 Minutes, 17 Seconds In:

Saving Throw vs. Eighties Pop Culture…failed.

15 Minutes, 0 Seconds In:

OH SNAP! A REAL TIGER!

16 Minutes, 14 Seconds In:

In case you can’t tell from the picture, that’s Greg with a fly’s body. Or perhaps a fly with Greg’s head.

FINAL THOUGHT:

Wait a minute…

It’s a trap!!!

COMING SOON!

“Skinnamarinky dinky dink, Skinnamarinky doo, Nemmy luv you!”

We fight for Love.


The long-promised Commando podcast is finally here, and Commando is the Greatest GREATEST Movie EVER. Featuring Daryl Surat from AnimeWorldOrder, and Dave and Joel from Fast Karate for the Gentleman, this podcast clocks in at just under forty-six and a half minutes, making it the longest podcast yet. But that’s only because it was nigh-impossible to curb Daryl’s enthusiasm for Arnold’s rippling man-muscles.

 

Arnold-as-Civilian…

Arnold-as-Commando…

I think I see a pattern here.

 

7 Minutes, 28 Seconds In:
Double-Billing!
Bill Paxton.

Bill Duke.

 

30 Minutes, 1 Second In:

Invoking his power as the avatar of Raoh, King of Fists, Daryl lays some nerd-slap down upon the Almighty Gooberzilla. But fear not, intrepid listeners. A later slip involving other popular eighties movies allows me to regain face.

 

38 Minutes, 16 Seconds In:
Why Vernon Wells deserves an Academy Award:




Ah, it’s good to be alive.

Mom is Totally Fired.


Escape from LA is the Greatest Movie EVER, much to the chagrin of Dave and Joel over at Fast Karate for the Gentlemen.

 

2 Minutes, 4 Seconds In:

The name I was looking for here was “Lee Van Cleef”.

 

3 Minutes, 16 Seconds In:

Cuervo Jones, the villain of this picture. He’s into love and peace.

 

15 Minutes, 21 Seconds In:

I don’t care what Mom says, Pam Grier is all woman. Even when she’s technically a man.

 

17 Minutes, 34 Seconds In:

Mom is totally fired. But fear not, intrepid listeners, she’ll certainly be back. Only at greatly reduced pay…

 

COMING SOON!

“I don’t need no gun!”

 

That’s right, folks. Tune in soon to hear the Almighty Gooberzilla, Daryl Surat from AnimeWorldOrder, and the aforementioned Dave and Joel from Fast Karate for the Gentlemen tackle the transcendent glory of the Greatest GREATEST Movie EVER, Commando!

More Cronenberg!


Spider is the Greatest Movie EVER. Seriously. I’m not being facetious here. It’s an awesome film.

 

0 Minutes, 47 Seconds In:

Ralph Fiennes as Dennis “Spider” Kleg.
It’s spelled “Ralph”. It’s pronounced “Ray”. DOES NOT COMPUTE…

 

3 Minutes, 16 Seconds In:

John Neville as Terrence. He’s a sad puppy.

 

8 Minutes, 20 Seconds In:

Gabriel Byrne giving the look of death. I’m glad he’s not my dad.

 

12 Minutes, 1 Second In:

Miranda Richardson nice…

…Miranda Richardson naughty.

 

16 Minutes, 11 Seconds In:

We take a cheap-shot at Christopher Lloyd.

 

Until next time, we out! PEACE!

I lied.

Due to unforeseen circumstances beyond even my Mighty control, the Highlander 2: Renegade Version Podcast is hereby postponed until further notice. A multitude of factors went into making this decision, not the least of which: a broken Netflix DVD and various computer hiccups. I also moved into my new apartment (aka “The Pimp Krib”) this week, which is why this podcast is a wee bit late. I am now officially small pimpin’. One day I hope to graduate to medium pimpin’, or — dare I to dream? — big pimpin’.

 

Anyway…

The Punisher (1989) is the Greatest Movie EVER.

 

9 Minutes, 48 Seconds In:

The Punisher loves kids.

 

However…


Kids do not love the Punisher.

 

15 Minutes In:

WTF?

 

CLOSING THOUGHT:

I’m not sure I’m comfortable with Tonka’s newest line of remote control trucks…

Now with 30% More Hungarian MIAK.

Ernest Scared Stupid is undeniably the Greatest Movie EVER.
It’s funny. And it’s frightening, too.

 

O Minutes, 45 Seconds In:

Eartha Kitt is frightening. She looks like Dahlia from Silent Hill.

 

1 Minute, 30 Seconds In:

I don’t care what Hollywood says, this troll is both scary and frightening.

 

2 Minutes, 56 Seconds In:

See? Even Ernest is frightening.

 

3 Minutes, 48 Seconds In:

These are the frightening bullies. They’re frightening.
Okay, they’re not really frightening, but one’s got a mullet and the other’s carrying an invisible shot-gun. Would you really want to mess with them?

 

12 Minutes, 1 Second In:

When Trantor the Troll goes all Super-Shredder on us, he’s not just frightening. He’s terrifying.

 

And speaking of terrifying…

 

COMING SOON!

That’s right, Dave Riley. I went there…

More fun than a Nuclear-powered Ox-Cart…


Stealth, like Reign of Fire, is the Greatest Worst Movie EVER. (Not great enough to be Greatest, not worse enough to be Worst.)

 

1 Minutes, 4 Seconds In:

EDI, the star of this picture. If I were in charge, I would design all of my robot-pilot AIs with friendly, soothing green LEDs, rather than the angry, rebellious red ones.

 

10 Minutes, 23 Seconds In:

(…I’m sorry, was I supposed to write a comment here? I got a little…distracted…)

 

11 Minutes, 38 Seconds In:

OX-CART NUKES OMG!

 

21 Minutes, 6 Seconds In:

Ganesh, the Remover of Obstacles.

 

COMING SOON!

Just in time for the holidays, the most horrifying film to hit the screen!

AOL Conquers Mars.


DOOM is the Greatest Movie EVER. No, really. I’m serious. Stop laughing.

 

1 Minute, 34 Seconds In:

Karl Urban. He’s angsty and complicated, ladies.

 

14 Minutes, 11 Seconds In:

The tragedy of TPTBS (Too Pretty To Be a Scientist) Syndrome.

 

23 Minutes, 29 Seconds In:

Forget Chekhov’s gun. This movie has Chekhov’s BFG.

 

Final Thought:

“Hey! I am the star of this picture!”