Michael Preston is a Wicked Wizard who Conquers the Space

Gather up your magic power crystals, because Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review, featuring guest host Mike Toole.  (He’s from the Internet.)

Review in a Nutshell:  Shamelessly cribbing from numerous other films such as Mad Max and Star Wars, Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn is an inappropriately named piece of low-budget science fantasy.  Originally released in stereoscopic 3-D, this ambitious but incomprehensible little gem has been rescued from obscurity by a terrible DVD release.  (It’s also on Netflix Instant at the time of this writing.)

This movie contains:

Evil Australian Necromancers.

Cyborg Justice?

Jeffrey Byron’s One Facial Expression.

Crystar, the Crystal Warrior?

What’s wrong with your faaaaaaaace?

Advertisements

“I Demand Authentic Stallone Butt”

Gas up the monster trucks, because Tango & Cash is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film,

featuring guest hosts Daryl and Gerald of AnimeWorldOrder and Guy Woodruff of DEEP HURTING.

Review in a Nutshell:  Mere words fail to describe how truly bonkers this film really is.  Tango & Cash was made in the Eighties; no further explanation is required.

This movie contains:

Marion Cobretti?

Enhanced Interrogation Techniques.

Kurt Russell, Master of Disguise.

Drum Solo!

Charles Bronson Wins the War on Drugs

Beware of exploding wine bottles, because Death Wish 4: The Crackdown is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film,

featuring Daryl Surat of AnimeWorldOrder and Olie aka “InvidNinja”. from the Welcome to the Brain Palace podcast.

Review in a Nutshell:  Few action movies encapsulate the anti-drug anxieties of the Eighties quite like Death Wish 4: The Crackdown, which also features roller skating arcades, fish-smuggling, and multiple exploding villains.

Ax Dancing, Sexy Robots, Rambo, Red Sonja?

Remember to eat your fruit and vegetables, because Cobra is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring guest host Daryl Surat of AnimeWorldOrder.

Review in a Nutshell:  There are some movies that define an era, embedding themselves in the fabric of popular media and influencing later films for decades to come.  And there are films like Cobra, which encapsulate the craziest elements of an entire period in film and then are promptly, tragically forgotten.

This movie contains:

Killer Nerds?

Practical Solutions in Cutlery.

Fast Food Atrocities.

Sexy Robots?

FINAL THOUGHT:

Behold, the infamous music video montage!

Ninjas Stole this Episode from Daryl Surat.

Prepare to lurk in public restroom stalls and playgrounds, because Revenge of the Ninja is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell:  The second film in the unofficial “Ninja Trilogy”, Revenge of the Ninja is a real-deal ninja movie starring real-deal ninja, Sho Kosugi.  Be prepared for skullduggery and lots of dirty tricks in this slice of eighties goodness.

This movie contains:

Scary Ninja Masks.

Ninja Violence.

Ninja Grandma?

Y-M-C-A!