Droppin’ Bombs with M.O.M.

Strap on your fur loincloth, because The Barbarians (1987) is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the title or the DVD cover above to download our review of the film, featuring M.O.M., the Mistress of Malapropisms.

Review in a Nutshell: A thoroughly generic Conan the Barbarian rip-off buoyed up by its scattershot production design and the exuberant performances of Peter and David Paul (aka the Barbarian Brothers), The Barbarians (1987) is everything I’ve ever wanted in a Cannon Film Group film directed by Ruggero Deodato.

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Dial ‘N’ for Ninja.

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Wax up your surfboard because American Ninja 2: The Confrontation is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring M.O.M., the Mistress of Malapropisms.

Review in a Nutshell: A film filled with hard-partying U.S. Marines and improbably ninja, American Ninja 2: The Confrontation is a largely derivative sequel that still manages to capture a lot of the zaniness that made the mini “ninja craze” of the Eighties such a unique period in film history. The presence of Steve James really elevates the film.

FINAL THOUGHT:

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Kidnapping people at the beach is standard ninja operating procedure.

Ouroboros Pulp Rip-Off?

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Load up your double-barrel sawed-off shotgun (and never fire it), because King Solomon’s Mines (1985) is probably not the Greatest Movie EVER.

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Katherin the Great.

Review in a Nutshell: While not the worst Indiana Jones cash-in nor the worst adaptation of H. Rider Haggard’s Allan Quatermain novels, the Canon Film Group’s version of King Solomon’s Mines is a serious contender for those titles. It’s really, really, really bad. Seriously, why is that giant spider lurking inside an active volcano?

100% Mythologically Accurate!

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Oil up your biceps and slap on your sandals, because Hercules (1983) is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Katherin the Great.

Review in a Nutshell: Like another film directed by Luigi Cozzi, Hercules is a visually exuberant, narratively bizarre movie filled with high concept ideas and low budget special effects. A tribute to the “peplum” films of the 1950s and 1960s, Hercules has a sort of insane charm that makes the viewing experience wonderful … as long as you don’t happen to be the younger sister of the host of the Greatest Movie EVER podcast.

This movie contains:

hercules01

SPACE.

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BEARS.

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Not to be confused with ‘Tiny’ Lister.

Naked Space Vampires

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Hold onto your precious essence, because Lifeforce is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring the UK’s own Ollie Bulmer.

Review in a Nutshell:  Great special effects, droll British performances, and the lovely Mathilda May can’t prevent this troubled Golan / Globus production from being tugged in too many different directions at once.  Is this the Greatest Movie EVER?  Ollie and I disagree.

Ninja Rides the Elevator

Sharpen up those sais, because Enter the Ninja is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell:  The progenitor of the Eighties Ninja Craze, Enter the Ninja is a low-budget shinobi caper with a strangely dry sense of humor.  Watch it for hook-handed German henchmen, cock-fighting, arrow gags, and Franco Nero’s fabulous mustache.

Daryl demands that I name this post “Drink Your Vegetables”.

Hold onto your golf balls, because Ninja III: The Domination is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell:  Inexplicably tacking The Exorcist and Flashdance onto a ninja film, Ninja III: The Domination may just be the pinnacle of cinematic ninja shenigans.  It’s a crime that this film is not available on DVD.

This movie conains:

Evil Ninjas.

Plucky Female Protagonists.

Evil Plucky Ninja Female Protagonists.

Chest hair.

V-8.