Golan / Globus – The Greatest Movie EVER! Podcast

Dial ‘N’ for Ninja.

Wax up your surfboard because American Ninja 2: The Confrontation is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring M.O.M., the Mistress of Malapropisms.

Review in a Nutshell: A film filled with hard-partying U.S. Marines and improbably ninja, American Ninja 2: The Confrontation is a largely derivative sequel that still manages to capture a lot of the zaniness that made the mini “ninja craze” of the Eighties such a unique period in film history. The presence of Steve James really elevates the film.

FINAL THOUGHT:

Kidnapping people at the beach is standard ninja operating procedure.

Ouroboros Pulp Rip-Off?

Load up your double-barrel sawed-off shotgun (and never fire it), because King Solomon’s Mines (1985) is probably not the Greatest Movie EVER.

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Katherin the Great.

Review in a Nutshell: While not the worst Indiana Jones cash-in nor the worst adaptation of H. Rider Haggard’s Allan Quatermain novels, the Canon Film Group’s version of King Solomon’s Mines is a serious contender for those titles. It’s really, really, really bad. Seriously, why is that giant spider lurking inside an active volcano?

100% Mythologically Accurate!

Oil up your biceps and slap on your sandals, because Hercules (1983) is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Katherin the Great.

Review in a Nutshell: Like another film directed by Luigi Cozzi, Hercules is a visually exuberant, narratively bizarre movie filled with high concept ideas and low budget special effects. A tribute to the “peplum” films of the 1950s and 1960s, Hercules has a sort of insane charm that makes the viewing experience wonderful … as long as you don’t happen to be the younger sister of the host of the Greatest Movie EVER podcast.

This movie contains:

SPACE.

BEARS.

Not to be confused with ‘Tiny’ Lister.

Naked Space Vampires

Hold onto your precious essence, because Lifeforce is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring the UK’s own Ollie Bulmer.

Review in a Nutshell: Great special effects, droll British performances, and the lovely Mathilda May can’t prevent this troubled Golan / Globus production from being tugged in too many different directions at once. Is this the Greatest Movie EVER? Ollie and I disagree.

This is Not an April Fool’s Joke.

Strap on your cape, because Superman IV: The Quest for Peace is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the DVD cover or the movie title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell: Far from being a ‘betrayal’ or ‘the worst Superman movie’, Superman IV: The Quest for Peace is a movie with big ideas and a tiny, tiny budget. It remains the favorite Superman of both cohosts, whose taste as we all know is impeccable.

This movie contains:

Amazing volcanic special effects!

RAWR!

WTF?

ERRATA: The Jackie Chan movie we mention in which Jackie Chan dresses up as Chun Li from Streetfighter is actually the live-action Hong Kong version of City Hunter.

Ninja Rides the Elevator

Sharpen up those sais, because Enter the Ninja is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell: The progenitor of the Eighties Ninja Craze, Enter the Ninja is a low-budget shinobi caper with a strangely dry sense of humor. Watch it for hook-handed German henchmen, cock-fighting, arrow gags, and Franco Nero’s fabulous mustache.

Ax Dancing, Sexy Robots, Rambo, Red Sonja?

Remember to eat your fruit and vegetables, because Cobra is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring guest host Daryl Surat of AnimeWorldOrder.

Review in a Nutshell: There are some movies that define an era, embedding themselves in the fabric of popular media and influencing later films for decades to come. And there are films like Cobra, which encapsulate the craziest elements of an entire period in film and then are promptly, tragically forgotten.

This movie contains:

Killer Nerds?

Practical Solutions in Cutlery.

Fast Food Atrocities.

Sexy Robots?

FINAL THOUGHT:

Behold, the infamous music video montage!

Ewige Blumenkraft

Break out the glitter body-paint, because The Apple is the Greatest Movie EVER?

Click on the movie title or the picture above to download our review of the film, featuring special guest host, Celebrity Translator Neil Nadelman.

Review in a Nutshell: Either a ham-fisted musical allegory or a piece of Illuminated propaganda, The Apple is a strange, disjointed film held together by the gooey goodness of Golan / Globus and Vladek Sheybal’s charming turn as Mr. Boogalow.

This movie contains:

Shaggy Hippies.

God?

SATAN.

An actual, actual, actual vampire?

Daryl demands that I name this post “Drink Your Vegetables”.

Hold onto your golf balls, because Ninja III: The Domination is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell: Inexplicably tacking The Exorcist and Flashdance onto a ninja film, Ninja III: The Domination may just be the pinnacle of cinematic ninja shenigans. It’s a crime that this film is not available on DVD.

This movie conains:

Evil Ninjas.

Plucky Female Protagonists.

Evil Plucky Ninja Female Protagonists.

Chest hair.

V-8.

Ninjas Stole this Episode from Daryl Surat.

Prepare to lurk in public restroom stalls and playgrounds, because Revenge of the Ninja is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell: The second film in the unofficial “Ninja Trilogy”, Revenge of the Ninja is a real-deal ninja movie starring real-deal ninja, Sho Kosugi. Be prepared for skullduggery and lots of dirty tricks in this slice of eighties goodness.

This movie contains:

Scary Ninja Masks.

Ninja Violence.

Ninja Grandma?

Y-M-C-A!