The Greatest Movie EVER! Podcast
Reviewing only the finest films in the history of cinema. And robots, too.
Are you a bad enough dude to wield the Glaive? Whether you are or not, Krull is the Greatest Movie EVER!
Review in a Nutshell: A fantasy film with science fiction elements mixed in, Krull overcomes a fairly formulaic narrative with the help of excellent production design and strong performances by the supporting cast. It’s also surprisingly violent for a film with a PG rating.
This movie contains:
Gruesome Violence.
A Friendly Cyclops.
The Glaive!
WTF? Fire-hands? That’s not fair!
It’s all magic fairy dust and pink sparkles here, because The Last Unicorn is the Greatest Movie EVER!
Review in a Nutshell: The Last Unicorn is a beautiful and sophisticated children’s film that deals with some surprisingly complex themes. Perhaps the film’s greatest weakness is the soundtrack, performed by America.
This movie contains:
Pirate Cats.
Unicorns in the Sea Foam.
I don’t care how many ‘bestiality’ jokes Sean makes, I think Lady Amalthea is pretty.
SATAN.
ERRATA: Mia Farrow was actually in Supergirl not Superman; Peter Beagle is in fact still fighting for his residuals.
Get ready to wave some hippy crystals, because
Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within is (definitely not) the Greatest Movie EVER!
Review in a Nutshell: Technically astonishing but emotionally empty, Final Fantasy may have worked better as a video game rather than a full-length theatrical film. A weak plot and cliche characters diminish the power of the film’s extraordinary visuals.
COMING SOON!
“Who put this giant cheese grater in my spaceship?”
Strap on your fur loincloth, because Conan the Barbarian is the Greatest Movie EVER!
Review in a Nutshell: By Krom, this movie is homoerotic!
This film contains:
Arnold Schwarzenneger in various fruity costumes.
James Earl Jones, Master of Mesmerism.
Trucker Mustaches.
Tremendous Snake Face.
Ordinarily I would be assaulting your senses with a Christmas themed horror movie, such as Santa’s Slay.
But this year, Netflix decided to come down with a terminal case of stupidity, and failed to ship me any of the films that I wanted.
So you’ll just have to make do with Legend instead.
Review in a Nutshell: Legend is another one of those films that inspires a disproportionate level of fanaticism compared to its actual quality as a film. Also, Tom Cruise in a Peter Pan outfit.
Don’t drink the amber rum, because The Devil’s Backbone is the Greatest Movie EVER!
Review in a Nutshell: The Devil’s Backbone is a Gothic tale of injustice and inevitability set during the Spanish Civil War. Think of it as a primer for Pan’s Labyrinth, with less magic, more realism, and no Doug Jones.
This movie contains:
Inappropriate Relationships.
Friendly Ghosts.
Burn Victims.
Savage Children.
COMING SOON!
Mom and I take a crack at The Beast Must Die. Watch for the Werewolf Break!
Cuddle up with a cute half-orc man slave,
because Dungeons & Dragons: Wrath of the Dragon God
is the Greatest Movie EVER!
This movie contains:
OH SNAP! A MIGHTY KRAKEN!
Champagne Villains.
BARBARIAN RAGE!
FINAL THOUGHT:
Undertones!
COMING SOON!
“GRRR! ARGH!”
The Greatest Movie EVER! Podcast 