Spider is the Greatest Movie EVER. Seriously. I’m not being facetious here. It’s an awesome film.
0 Minutes, 47 Seconds In:
Ralph Fiennes as Dennis “Spider” Kleg.
It’s spelled “Ralph”. It’s pronounced “Ray”. DOES NOT COMPUTE…
3 Minutes, 16 Seconds In:
John Neville as Terrence. He’s a sad puppy.
8 Minutes, 20 Seconds In:
Gabriel Byrne giving the look of death. I’m glad he’s not my dad.
12 Minutes, 1 Second In:
Miranda Richardson nice…
…Miranda Richardson naughty.
16 Minutes, 11 Seconds In:
We take a cheap-shot at Christopher Lloyd.
Until next time, we out! PEACE!
Due to unforeseen circumstances beyond even my Mighty control, the Highlander 2: Renegade Version Podcast is hereby postponed until further notice. A multitude of factors went into making this decision, not the least of which: a broken Netflix DVD and various computer hiccups. I also moved into my new apartment (aka “The Pimp Krib”) this week, which is why this podcast is a wee bit late. I am now officially small pimpin’. One day I hope to graduate to medium pimpin’, or — dare I to dream? — big pimpin’.
The Punisher (1989) is the Greatest Movie EVER.
9 Minutes, 48 Seconds In:
The Punisher loves kids.
Kids do not love the Punisher.
15 Minutes In:
I’m not sure I’m comfortable with Tonka’s newest line of remote control trucks…
Ernest Scared Stupid is undeniably the Greatest Movie EVER.
It’s funny. And it’s frightening, too.
O Minutes, 45 Seconds In:
Eartha Kitt is frightening. She looks like Dahlia from Silent Hill.
1 Minute, 30 Seconds In:
I don’t care what Hollywood says, this troll is both scary and frightening.
2 Minutes, 56 Seconds In:
See? Even Ernest is frightening.
3 Minutes, 48 Seconds In:
These are the frightening bullies. They’re frightening.
Okay, they’re not really frightening, but one’s got a mullet and the other’s carrying an invisible shot-gun. Would you really want to mess with them?
12 Minutes, 1 Second In:
When Trantor the Troll goes all Super-Shredder on us, he’s not just frightening. He’s terrifying.
And speaking of terrifying…
That’s right, Dave Riley. I went there…
Stealth, like Reign of Fire, is the Greatest Worst Movie EVER. (Not great enough to be Greatest, not worse enough to be Worst.)
1 Minutes, 4 Seconds In:
EDI, the star of this picture. If I were in charge, I would design all of my robot-pilot AIs with friendly, soothing green LEDs, rather than the angry, rebellious red ones.
10 Minutes, 23 Seconds In:
(…I’m sorry, was I supposed to write a comment here? I got a little…distracted…)
11 Minutes, 38 Seconds In:
OX-CART NUKES OMG!
21 Minutes, 6 Seconds In:
Ganesh, the Remover of Obstacles.
Just in time for the holidays, the most horrifying film to hit the screen!
DOOM is the Greatest Movie EVER. No, really. I’m serious. Stop laughing.
1 Minute, 34 Seconds In:
Karl Urban. He’s angsty and complicated, ladies.
14 Minutes, 11 Seconds In:
The tragedy of TPTBS (Too Pretty To Be a Scientist) Syndrome.
23 Minutes, 29 Seconds In:
Forget Chekhov’s gun. This movie has Chekhov’s BFG.
“Hey! I am the star of this picture!”
The Rocketeer is the Greatest Movie EVER.
Rocket-man, burnin’ out his fuse, up here, alone!
2 Minutes, 56 Seconds In:
Jennifer Connelly is one classy dame.
7 Minutes, 23 Seconds In:
Lothar is refined, but not exactly classy.
19 Minutes, 21 Seconds In:
It’s patriotic, y’all.
Clowns should not fly airplanes.
Despite pre-emptive protests by Daryl Surat from AnimeWorldOrder, Godzilla: Final Wars is the Worst Movie EVER.
You will need these if you wish to survive Godzilla: Final Wars.
2 Minutes, 24 Seconds In:
Ummm… I think I’ve seen this scene somewhere before?
5 Minutes, 58 Seconds In:
Josef Stalin saves the Universe!
14 Minutes, 28 Seconds In:
16 Minutes, 22 Seconds In:
I don’t know what he’s laughing about…
The Fashion-Police are about to serve an arrest warrant.
20 Minutes, 6 Seconds In – 21 Minutes, 17 Seconds In:
Despite Mom’s heartiest efforts to stop the downward spiral into madness, the Almighty Gooberzilla loses his frickin’ mind.
Oh yeah, and apparently Godzilla’s in this movie, too.
“I belieeeeeeeeeve I can flyyyyyyyyyyy…”
Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold is the Worst Movie EVER. But even so, I still love you, Golan-Globus! Come back to me; all is forgiven!
2 Minutes, 1 Second In:
Mom punks me out with the promise of home-baked goodness.
4 Minutes, 7 Seconds In and 10 Minutes, 48 Seconds In:
Shenanigans are called on Indiana Jones and J.R.R. Tolkien, respectively.
14 Minutes, 30 Seconds In:
Henry Silva as Agon. This guy loves his job.
18 Minutes, 31 Seconds In:
Sharon Stone channeling Kate Capshaw. Yeah, she’s like this the whole movie.
James Earl Jones as Umslopogaas. We suspect he’s actually Stromnir the Mighty’s brother by another mother.
That’s it for now. Until next time. PEACE!
Shaolin Executioners is the Greatest Movie EVER.
Fair warning, when I mixed this episode on my laptop, the voice levels sounded fine. But when I exported the file to other computers, for some reason Hollywood sounds a lot louder than me. I apologize for that. Next time we’ll take away his bull-horn, I promise.
I also apologize for the grainy nature of the following screen-caps. Unfortunately, the capture software refused to play the HK bootleg version of the film, so to capture these frames I had to fall back on the OOP Ground Zero legitimate American release, which unfortunately looks like a tenth-generation VHS transfer. Condolences.
3 Minutes, 15 Seconds In:
VACUU-CROTCH! OH SNAP!
5 Minutes, 0 Seconds In:
Li Li Li (aka Lilly Li) as “Crane Girl”. She’s a cutie.
6 Minutes, 28 Seconds In:
It’s a good thing I blocked that strike with my face…
9 Minutes, 5 Seconds In:
16 Minutes, 37 Seconds In:
KUNG FU PIGGY-BACK!
Eat your heart out, Indiana Jones.
Deep Blue Sea is the Greatest Movie EVER.
Because those sharks are smart, you see.
1 Minute, 25 Seconds In:
LL Cool J. You better recognize, yo.
9 Minutes, 58 Second In – 10 Minutes, 43 Seconds In:
If you think you’re having a bad day…
…trying being used as a Shark-O-Ram(TM).
14 Minutes, 17 Seconds In:
Forget Snakes on a Plane. This movie has Sharks on a Motivational Speaker.
“Judging from the concerned expression on your face in combination with the frantic hand gesture, I believe you are meaning to imply that there is something behind me. Very well, I will calmly turn around and inspect the situation…”
Sean and I delve into the world of Hung Hsi-Kuan, aka Executioners from Shaolin, aka Shaolin Executioners, in order to see if everybody really was kung fu fightin’.