Despite featuring Halle Berry in skin-tight leather, Catwoman is the Worst Movie EVER.
7 Minutes, 43 Seconds In:
What the Internet is actually used for…
10 Minutes, 35 Seconds In:
Benjamin Bratt. He’s handsome, but he’s no Mark Dacascos.
11 Minutes, 12 Seconds In:
Sharon Stone plays a washed-up, alcoholic model whose beauty is fading and whose glory days are long since past.
I wonder if you’d call this method-acting?
The many faces of Halle Berry:
Slimey, but still cute.
On ur rooftops, stealin’ ur laundryz.
It doesn’t take a rocket-scientist to realize that BloodRayne is the Worst Movie EVER. And yet, I think the entire world should watch it. Everyone must know my pain.
On a side note, if it sounds like my voice is being strained through the guts of a cybernetic monkey, that’s because I had one of the quality settings incorrect when I recorded this. I apologize in advance.
2 Minutes, 57 Seconds In:
Kristanna Loken. She’s a cutie.
3 Minutes, 18 Seconds In:
Sir Ben Kingsley in another outrageous wig.
This is the only expression he uses in the entire film.
5 Minutes, 2 Seconds In:
Michael Madsen does not know how to swing a sword.
5 Minutes, 22 Seconds In:
Damostir, Kagan’s chief thrall. I dig his punk-rock haircut.
9 Minutes, 41 Seconds In:
MEATLOAF!!! OH SNAP!
For all those that are not yet convinced
that this movie was made under the influence of intoxicating substances:
Purple haze / up in my brain!
This photo makes me think naughty things.
Despite its mad, l33t catering skillz, A Sound of Thunder is the Worst Movie EVER.
2 Minutes, 5 Seconds In:
Sir Ben Kingsley in a truly horrendous wig. Note also the champagne fountain.
9 Minutes, 0 Seconds In:
10 Minutes, 45 Seconds In:
A city-scape scene in A Sound of Thunder. Note how obviously blue-screened the background is…
12 Minutes, 24 Seconds In:
It’s a bad sign when your Allosaurus Ice Sculpture looks better than your Allosaurus. Also, caterers get no love.
Next time, assuming no cataclysmic space-time catastrophes interfere and we actually get the bloody show recorded, we hope to take a stab at this:
Stab. Bloody. Get it?
Well, it doesn’t really involve time travel, but it does have alternate dimensions. And that’s why Super Mario Brothers is the Greatest Movie EVER.
9 Minutes, 29 Seconds In:
Dennis Hopper as Koopa. That’s his real tongue.
10 Minutes, 26 Seconds In:
That’s not big hair?
10 Minutes, 39 Seconds In:
Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo as the Mario Brothers. Chicks dig the `stache.
11 Minutes, 43 Seconds In:
13 Minutes, 48 Seconds In:
It becomes clear that the Almighty Gooberzilla does not know the lingo.
19 Minutes, 50 Seconds In:
Chimps are the epitome of hilarity.
Mortal Kombat is the Greatest Movie EVER. Go out and buy a copy. Heck, buy two: one for you, and one for your Sweet Baboo.
5 Minutes, 0 Seconds In:
Yeah, he looks like a Chinese god to me…
7 Minutes, 15 Seconds In:
Am I hot?
14 Minutes, 47 Seconds In:
Tom Dickens, Ravager of Souls!
19 Minutes, 9 Seconds:
I can think of worse ways to die…
Why Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa deserves an Academy Award:
Something involving dinosaurs and time travel, something involving Flying Guillotines, or something involving Uwe Boll. ONLY TIME WILL TELL!
Although Mortal Kombat is still Coming Soon, in the mean time (pun-intended) Santa’s Slay is the Greatest Movie EVER!
I’m sure everyone can see now how I could get these two movies confused…
1 Minutes, 51 Seconds In:
Goldberg is one Bad Santa.
2 Minutes, 55 Seconds In:
In addition to the Hell Deer, Santa’s sleigh also has rocket-boosters.
10 Minutes, 10 Seconds In:
Seriously, don’t you see the resemblance?
And with that, we here at the Greatest Movie EVER Podcast wish you Happy Holidays and Feliz Navidad. Until next time, adios amigos!
Anaconda is the Greatest Movie EVER (involving a Giant Snake).
0 Minutes, 36 Seconds In ~ 5 Minutes, 23 Seconds In:
It’s mail-call, yo.
8 Minutes, 0 Seconds In:
J-Lo. She’s TPBSM. (Too Pretty to Be a Scientist.)
9 Minutes, 0 Seconds In:
Jon Voight, the Star of this Picture?
11 Minutes, 25 Seconds In:
“I am sooooooooo relaxed.”
13 Minutes, 28 Seconds In:
The REAL Star of this Picture.
15 Minutes, 52 Seconds In:
Ice Cube is the Baddest Man on the Planet.
We’re (un)dead serious when we say that Resident Evil: Apocalypse is the Worst Movie EVER. I guess our chief criticism is the movie tries to be like the game, and it fails. This wouldn’t be as much of a problem if the game wasn’t so silly in the first place…
6 Minutes, 31 Seconds In:
In think Isaac Newton himself said it was physically impossible to bungee-jump out of a helicopter while dual-wielding Berettas…
7 Minutes, 10 Seconds In:
Milla loves her machine-pistols.
8 Minutes, 42 Seconds In:
The lonely death of Nikolai.
21 Minutes, 5 Seconds In:
Nemmy need hug?
A huge snake…but NOT also poisonous.
The Lost Empire aka “The Monkey King” is the Greatest Mini-Series EVER. Don’t believe us? Does any other mini-series have…
…Bai Ling as a goddess in disguise?
…Terra cotta warriors?
…Pig-men and humorless monks?
14 Minutes, 17 Seconds In:
Saving Throw vs. Eighties Pop Culture…failed.
15 Minutes, 0 Seconds In:
OH SNAP! A REAL TIGER!
16 Minutes, 14 Seconds In:
In case you can’t tell from the picture, that’s Greg with a fly’s body. Or perhaps a fly with Greg’s head.
Wait a minute…
It’s a trap!!!
“Skinnamarinky dinky dink, Skinnamarinky doo, Nemmy luv you!”
In flagrant defiance of all evidence to the contrary, Ultraviolet is the Greatest Movie EVER.
4 Minutes, 37 Seconds In:
Nick Chinlund as Daxus. I love this guy.
8 Minutes, 22 Seconds In:
Cameron Bright as Six. Not quite so loveable.
Come on, Katherine, the movie wasn’t THAT bad…