The Greatest Movie EVER! Podcast
Reviewing only the finest films in the history of cinema. And robots, too.
Put on your secret kung fu master mask, because The 5 Deadly Venoms is the Greatest Movie EVER!
Review in a Nutshell: One part Agatha Christie, one part violent gimmick kung fu, 5 Deadly Venoms is a classic that showcases the skills of some of the best martial arts actors to grace the silver screen.
This Movie Contains Stuff We Completely Forgot to Mention:
Throat Hook.
Brain Pin.
Ear Trauma.
Drag out your coffin, because Django is the Greatest Movie EVER!
Review in a Nutshell: A morally ambiguous spaghetti-western, Django has been hugely influential on the genre. Its grim setting and spontaneous bursts of violence are still entertaining despite decades of imitators cribbing from the film.
Bringing new meanings to the term “divine punishment”, Xanadu is definitely not the Greatest Movie EVER!
Review in a Nutshell: This movie is painful. Watch it at your own peril.
The film contains:
Electric Neon Greek Minor Deities.
Gene Kelly on Rollerskates.
Uhh…
Hey, it was the Eighties.
Tie up your hair in ox-horns, because Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li is the Greatest (?) Movie EVER!
Review in a Nutshell: Brightly-lit but grimly-scripted, The Legend of Chun-Li is a train-wreck of a film. Watch it just to prove you could.
This movie does not contain:
Chun Li?
M. Bison?
Vega?
Liu Kang?
Grab a shovel and your trusty pack-mule, because The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada is the Greatest Movie EVER!
Review in a Nutshell: The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada is one of the most honest, human examples of drama that I’ve ever seen. It’s an excellent film that unfolds further with each repeated viewing.
Paul may be a bit of a John Woo hater, but Last Hurrah for Chivalry is the Greatest Movie EVER!
Review in a Nutshell: Combining manly melodrama with innovative action scenes, Last Hurrah for Chivalry is a kung fu classic. It works equally well when you’re on heavy medication, too.
Sleeping Wizard, or Snoopy?
Aerial Sword-Swinging Silliness.
Manly Emotions!
Strap on your fur loincloth, because Conan the Barbarian is the Greatest Movie EVER!
Review in a Nutshell: By Krom, this movie is homoerotic!
This film contains:
Arnold Schwarzenneger in various fruity costumes.
James Earl Jones, Master of Mesmerism.
Trucker Mustaches.
Tremendous Snake Face.
Fuhgeddaboutit! 1990: The Bronx Warriors is the Greatest Movie EVER!
Review in a Nutshell: Fred Williamson, Freddy Mercury impersonators, rollerskates, and gang warfare in an Italian produced rip-off of The Warriors, The Road Warrior, and Escape from New York. It doesn’t get any better than this.
This movie contains:
Pretty Boy Bikers.
Count Chocula.
Fred “Da Hammer” Williamson.
Vic Morrow in a Gestapo get-up.
The Most Terrifying Dance Ensemble in Gangland.
Sometimes you’ve just got to dance-fight for freedom, because Only the Strong is the Greatest Movie EVER!
Review in a Nutshell: Mark Dacascos saves a dozen troubled high schoolers through the power of capoeira. He also beats up a gang of drug lords, also through the power of capoeira. Truly, all of life’s problems can be solved with a careful application of the art of Brazilian dance-fighting.
This movie contains:
RASTA!
Sexy Gymnastics.
Purple Sweatpants of Justice.
This brings the Big Month of Mark to its conclusion. Don’t worry, we’ll be sure to cover other Mark Dacascos films, such as Brotherhood of the Wolf and Crying Freeman, at some later date.
In the mean time, it’s back to our regularly scheduled programming.
Fire some arrows from horseback, because Nomad: The Warrior is the Greatest Movie EVER!
Review in a Nutshell: A fictionalized account of the life of young Ablai Khan, Nomad is probably the only film you’re likely to see that is both produced by and about the nation of Kazakhstan.
This film contains:
Jason Scott Lee, Wandering Wiseman.
Pointy Hats.
EVEN POINTIER HATS.
COMING SOON!
Even more Mark Dacascos goodness in the month of November.
The Greatest Movie EVER! Podcast 