The Greatest Movie EVER! Podcast
Reviewing only the finest films in the history of cinema. And robots, too.
Packed to the brim with yummy eighties goodness,
The Monster Squad is the Greatest Movie EVER!
This movie contains:
Dracula.
The Wolf-Man. (AWOOOOOO!)
The Creature from the Black Lagoon.
The Mummy.
Frankenstein’s Monster.
This movie also contains:
Children with a staunch belief in the Second Amendment.
COMING SOON!
Tim Robbins has issues…
Despite the protests of some sissy zombie-haters,
Slither is the Greatest Movie EVER!
This movie contains:
The rules of Alien Diplomacy.
Tender Alien Romance.
Heroics.
Friendly Zombies.
It’s mutant bears all day, every day, in this remarkably family unfriendly film.
That’s right, Prophecy is the Greatest Movie EVER!
This film contains:
Rugged Man-beards.
Dog Bondage.
Armand Assante, Native American!
Owl Bears.
COMING SOON!
Oh noes, more Milla!
All joking aside, Pan’s Labyrinth is the Greatest Movie EVER!
This movie includes:
Exploding Giant Toads.
Fauns and other fairy woodland creatures.
Peer pressure.
Ofelia: “This’ll make me cool, right?”
Pan: “Yeah, baby, the first one’s free.”
PEEK-A-BOO!
CLOSING THOUGHT!
Okay, that’s enough darkness and depression for a while.
After all…
Guillermo just wants to make you smile.
COMING SOON!
Why is Frank Dux so upset? Tune in and find out!
Despite it’s lack of both plot and character, Van Helsing is the Greatest Worst Movie EVER.
This film contains:
Mysterious Strangers…
Gay Werewolves…
Practical Combat Outfits!
CLOSING THOUGHT!
Hit it in its Weak-Spot for Massive Damage!
It doesn’t take a rocket-scientist to realize that BloodRayne is the Worst Movie EVER. And yet, I think the entire world should watch it. Everyone must know my pain.
On a side note, if it sounds like my voice is being strained through the guts of a cybernetic monkey, that’s because I had one of the quality settings incorrect when I recorded this. I apologize in advance.
2 Minutes, 57 Seconds In:
Kristanna Loken. She’s a cutie.
3 Minutes, 18 Seconds In:
Sir Ben Kingsley in another outrageous wig.
This is the only expression he uses in the entire film.
5 Minutes, 2 Seconds In:
Michael Madsen does not know how to swing a sword.
5 Minutes, 22 Seconds In:
Damostir, Kagan’s chief thrall. I dig his punk-rock haircut.
9 Minutes, 41 Seconds In:
MEATLOAF!!! OH SNAP!
CLOSING THOUGHT!
For all those that are not yet convinced
that this movie was made under the influence of intoxicating substances:
Purple haze / up in my brain!
COMING SOON!
This photo makes me think naughty things.
Despite its mad, l33t catering skillz, A Sound of Thunder is the Worst Movie EVER.
2 Minutes, 5 Seconds In:
Sir Ben Kingsley in a truly horrendous wig. Note also the champagne fountain.
9 Minutes, 0 Seconds In:
BABOONASAURUSES! BA-BOON-A-SAURUSES!
10 Minutes, 45 Seconds In:
A city-scape scene in A Sound of Thunder. Note how obviously blue-screened the background is…
12 Minutes, 24 Seconds In:
It’s a bad sign when your Allosaurus Ice Sculpture looks better than your Allosaurus. Also, caterers get no love.
COMING SOON!
Next time, assuming no cataclysmic space-time catastrophes interfere and we actually get the bloody show recorded, we hope to take a stab at this:
Stab. Bloody. Get it?
Although Mortal Kombat is still Coming Soon, in the mean time (pun-intended) Santa’s Slay is the Greatest Movie EVER!
I’m sure everyone can see now how I could get these two movies confused…
1 Minutes, 51 Seconds In:
Goldberg is one Bad Santa.
2 Minutes, 55 Seconds In:
In addition to the Hell Deer, Santa’s sleigh also has rocket-boosters.
10 Minutes, 10 Seconds In:
Seriously, don’t you see the resemblance?
And with that, we here at the Greatest Movie EVER Podcast wish you Happy Holidays and Feliz Navidad. Until next time, adios amigos!
Anaconda is the Greatest Movie EVER (involving a Giant Snake).
0 Minutes, 36 Seconds In ~ 5 Minutes, 23 Seconds In:
It’s mail-call, yo.
8 Minutes, 0 Seconds In:
J-Lo. She’s TPBSM. (Too Pretty to Be a Scientist.)
9 Minutes, 0 Seconds In:
Jon Voight, the Star of this Picture?
11 Minutes, 25 Seconds In:
“I am sooooooooo relaxed.”
13 Minutes, 28 Seconds In:
The REAL Star of this Picture.
15 Minutes, 52 Seconds In:
Ice Cube is the Baddest Man on the Planet.
COMING SOON!
`Nuff said.
We’re (un)dead serious when we say that Resident Evil: Apocalypse is the Worst Movie EVER. I guess our chief criticism is the movie tries to be like the game, and it fails. This wouldn’t be as much of a problem if the game wasn’t so silly in the first place…
6 Minutes, 31 Seconds In:
In think Isaac Newton himself said it was physically impossible to bungee-jump out of a helicopter while dual-wielding Berettas…
7 Minutes, 10 Seconds In:
Milla loves her machine-pistols.
8 Minutes, 42 Seconds In:
The lonely death of Nikolai.
21 Minutes, 5 Seconds In:
Nemmy need hug?
COMING SOON!
A huge snake…but NOT also poisonous.
