When all else fails, Recycle!

Underworld: Evolution is the Worst Movie EVER. It’s even worse than the original Underworld, which was also the Worst Movie EVER. So it’s the worst of the worst. Not to be confused with the worst of the wurst, because even bad wurst is good wurst.

In all honesty, this episode was recorded quite some time ago. I was saving it for a rainy day, and since I spent this last weekend traveling to Miami and back to help my good friend Eddy prepare for Carousel, I’ve been too swamped to record another podcast. But fear not, intrepid listeners, we have more good stuff coming down the pipe in the near future!

Being a brief illustration of what werewolves should look like:

This is the “Crinos” form,
as per Werewolf: The Apocalypse from White Wolf Games.


This is what the werewolves in Underworld: Evolution resemble.

`Nuff said.

Angry Alien Ghosts, American Idol, and Alice Cooper

Ghosts of Mars is the Greatest Movie EVER! And don’t let any Closet Dino-sympathizers tell you differently. (^_~)

3 Minutes, 37 Seconds In:
Ice Cube, Master thespian! Witness his staggering range of emotions:
Angry.

Miffed.

Irritated.

11 Minutes, 41 Seconds In:

Natasha Henstridge at her finest.

14 Minutes, 30 Seconds In:

Big Daddy Manson — er, I mean, “Mars”.


Big Daddy Mars has got the public speaking skillz.

Cetaceans on the War-Path!

This week we discover that Orca: The Killer Whale is, in fact, the Greatest Movie EVER.

 

I apologize for the sound quality on this episode. Apparently, there was a problem with Katherine’s microphone (no doubt caused by the jealousy waves she emitted after not getting to sit in the “comfy chair”) which I didn’t catch until post-production. So if it sounds like Katherine is shouting down a well, just try and pretend that she’s trying to communicate with Angel and George down in the Appatosaurus Preserve at the Center of the Earth.

Aw, isn’t that cute?

 

The hero of this picture: Orca, the Killer Whale.

Oh, sure, he looks cute now.
But cross him and he’ll eat you and everyone you ever loved…

 


See what I mean?

 

15 minutes, 11 Seconds In:

The lonely death of Umilak.

 


The ice crushes both ways. (SQUISH!)

 

16 Minutes, 45 Seconds In:

As you can see, our resident Beautiful Marine Biologist Lady is totally into Richard Harris…

 


…but then again, what lady could resist THIS?

Puberty and Vampirism Do Not Mix…

The Lost Boys is the Greatest Movie EVER. After all, a billion angsty teenagers that shop at Hot Topic can’t all be wrong…

 

9 Minutes, 15 Seconds In:

 


Who could possibly choose between these two, burning hunks of Manhood?

 

17 Minutes, 14 Seconds In:

When Undeath hands you lemons, make lemon-aide.
(Or blood-aide, if you’re a vampire.)

 

20 Minutes, 2 Seconds In:

Nanook, Mightiest of Vampire-Slayers!

 


The Dog-tackle(TM).

 


T-Minus:

 

5…

 

4…

 

3…

 

2…

 

1…

IGNITION!

 

Gentlemen, we have Dog-tackle(TM).

Attack of the Lichens!

Another week has gone by, and with it comes another Podcast, featuring a review of the execrable Underworld, a piece of sentient cinematic slime that oozed its way out of the primordial soup and permanently into the consciousness of the Almighty Gooberzilla. Seriously, this film is a sore on my brain. Watch it at your own peril.