It’s Gettin’, It’s Gettin’, It’s Gettin’ Kinda Heavy

Break out the kali sticks, because The Perfect Weapon is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Daryl Surat, Gerald Rathkolb, and Max Dunn.

Review in a Nutshell:  One of the best cinematic showcases of American Kenpo, The Perfect Weapon features a large cast of our favorite Asian character actors and lots of whacky violence.  Jeff Speakman stars as the lily-white protagonist who must show those villainous foreigners the true heart of martial arts.  HE’S GOT THE POWER!

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Bloodsport, ReDux?

Watch out for pirates, gangsters, and Tibetan monks, because The Quest is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the poster or the movie title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell:  Essentially Bloodsport retold in the 1920s, The Quest is Jean-Claude Van Damme’s directorial debut.  It’s a fun but flawed film which includes Roger Moore, elephants, and boatloads of inadvertent homoerotic subtext.

Sho Kosugi, You Are Not James Bond.

Break out those exploding shurikens, because Rage of Honor is (definitely not) the Greatest Movie EVER! 

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download  the review.

Review in a Nutshell:  Crippled by terrible camera-work and Sho Kosugi’s broken Engrish, Rage of Honor is not an ideal ninja movie.  Still, we at the Greatest Movie EVER! Podcast are thankful for ninja movies in general.

This movie contains:

FALSE ADVERTISING!

Sho Kosugi, Gentleman Spy.

Camo-Pajama Jesus Ninjas.

“I Have Stolen Your Fish!”

Tie up your hair in ox-horns, because Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li is the Greatest (?) Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell:  Brightly-lit but grimly-scripted, The Legend of Chun-Li is a train-wreck of a film.  Watch it just to prove you could.

This movie does not contain:

Chun Li?

M. Bison?

Vega?

Liu Kang?

 

Fat Man in Trenchcoat with Sword, Killing Vampires

Hold onto your viscera, because Against the Dark is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell:  A messy, straight-to-DVD action / horror movie, Against the Dark begs the question:  Which is the real lumbering, undead monster?  A vampire?  Or Steven Seagal’s career?

Big Month of Mark – Only the Strong

Sometimes you’ve just got to dance-fight for freedom, because Only the Strong is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell: Mark Dacascos saves a dozen troubled high schoolers through the power of capoeira.  He also beats up a gang of drug lords, also through the power of capoeira.  Truly, all of life’s problems can be solved with a careful application of the art of Brazilian dance-fighting.

This movie contains:

RASTA!

Sexy Gymnastics.

Purple Sweatpants of Justice.

This brings the Big Month of Mark to its conclusion.  Don’t worry, we’ll be sure to cover other Mark Dacascos films, such as Brotherhood of the Wolf and Crying Freeman, at some later date.

In the mean time, it’s back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Revenge of the Shaolin Pimp Cane.

Just because you’re a Buddhist doesn’t mean you’re not a Master Killer, because

The 36th Chamber of Shaolin is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell: This was the break-out role of kung fu legend Gordon Liu.  Look for lots of gimmicky training scenes, and lots of surprisingly happy, accommodating Shaolin monks.

This movie contains:

SHAOLIN PIMP CANE.

Three Section Staff in the Hizzie.

HEADBUTT OF DEATH.

That’s all you get this week.  I’m off to Anime Weekend Atlanta, where I’ll be involved in the

Otaku USA panel as well as my own production, “Nobody loves GUNHED”, a panel with Tim Eldred.

COMING SOON!

“GRR.  ARGH.”