The Ballad of Duck Cheesecake

Hold onto you noses, because Conan the Barbarian (2011) is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Dave and Joel from Fast Karate for the Gentleman.

Review in a Nutshell:  Although the film contains good casting and some truly hilarious moments, the new Conan film is missing a certain something that puts our guest hosts ill at ease.  Paul still considers it to be the “feel-good family comedy of the year.”

It’s actually pronounced LUM-bear.

Buy those tickets to bunraku, because The Hunted (1995) is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the DVD cover of the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell:  The Hunted (1995) is a movie with an identity crisis.  Half of the film is a modern samurai vs ninja drama, a nihilistic tale of men with antiquated values carrying out their ancient war in the streets of modern Japan.  The other half is Christopher Lambert being a total goober.

Magnificent Martial Violence!

Sharpen your machetes, because The Raid: Redemption is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film,

featuring guest hosts Daryl Surat of AnimeWorldOrder and Rachel Pandich, author of Aspire.

Review in a Nutshell:  An Indonesian martial arts movie written and directed by a Welsh man, The Raid: Redemption is not just a typical action movie.  It blends drama and suspense with some of the most breath-taking and technically accomplished fight choreography in recent cinema history to create a tight, tense, thoroughly engrossing experience.

Continue reading “Magnificent Martial Violence!”

Tan Man w / Desk Fan

Fire up the Whizzer, because Doc Savage: The Man of Bronze is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring the Internet’s Mike Toole.

Review in a Nutshell:  Filmed in the 70s, set in the 30s, Doc Savage feels like a film trapped in the 50s.  Hampered by a small budget and an inconsistent tone, this film could have done great things, but instead it ends up being relegated to a campy adventure film for the kiddies.  I love it anyway.

This movie contains:

Ron Ely, Ubermensch.

Arch-Villainy.

Cartoon Snakes.

How Mr. Miyagi Got His Groove Back

Watch out for flying net hooks, because The Karate Kid, Part II is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the DVD cover or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell:  Although the details of the first three Karate Kid films are hopelessly muddled in our heads, we still enjoyed this entry in the series, which focuses even more on Mr. Miyagi’s character.

FINAL THOUGHT:

Curse you, ice blocks!

Ruining Katherin’s Childhood (Again)

Hold onto your Omega Hedrons, because Supergirl is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring the return of Katherin “the Great”.

Review in a Nutshell:  A super hero film from a more innocent time, Supergirl seems painfully unsophisticated by modern standards.  Nonetheless it has some interesting imagery and a plot that can best be described as “completely bonkers”.

This movie contains:

Drunken Wizards.

KILLDOZER!

A Black Magic Woman.

Where does the rocket sled go?

Fire up the rocket-sled, because TIMECOP is the greatest movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell:  Ridiculous nudity, bad physics, henchmen with villainous hair, Ron Silver stealing every scene he’s in, and Jean Claude doing the splits.  Truly, TIMECOP is the apex of Western film.

This movie contains:

Presented without further comment.

ERRATA:  I meant Joel Schumacher, not Jerry Bruckheimer, when discussing Flatliners.

If Loving Robots is Wrong…

Hide the freon, because Crash and Burn is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Andrew from The Veef Show.

Review in a Nutshell:  A low-budget science fiction slasher film, Crash and Burn cribs more from The Terminator than from earlier Charles Band properties.  Along with Robot Wars, this is one of many films purported to be a sequel to Robot Jox.

This movie contains:

The Future!

Hand Trauma.

Bill Moseley, Paragon of Acting Technology.

Melancholy Robots.