gooberzilla

Croc Blocked

Bind up the bush pigs, because The Big Alligator River, aka The Great Alligator, aka Caiman, aka Alligator is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring the return of M.O.M., the Mistress of Malapropisms.

Review in a Nutshell: Beautiful scenery, weird electronic music, and slick Italian cinematography combined with the lamest rubber alligator puppet you’ll ever see make The Big Alligator River a milestone of croc-sploitation.

This movie contains:

Photography!

Alan Moore?

Mind-boggling Special Effects!

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Flower, Ew?

Break out the silver bullets, because Monster Dog is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, feauting Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell: Staggeringly terrible rubber werewolf puppets mixed with spooky cinematography and a great location, Monster Dog is not quite Troll 2 levels of awesome, but it comes awfully close.

It’s Gettin’, It’s Gettin’, It’s Gettin’ Kinda Heavy

Break out the kali sticks, because The Perfect Weapon is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Daryl Surat, Gerald Rathkolb, and Max Dunn.

Review in a Nutshell: One of the best cinematic showcases of American Kenpo, The Perfect Weapon features a large cast of our favorite Asian character actors and lots of whacky violence. Jeff Speakman stars as the lily-white protagonist who must show those villainous foreigners the true heart of martial arts. HE’S GOT THE POWER!

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Julian Sands, Handsome Devil

Hide the druid stones, because Warlock: The Armageddon is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell: Perhaps it was in questionable taste to release a review of a violent, supernatural horror movie filled with druids and dark magic on Easter Sunday…

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This is Not an April Fool’s Joke.

Strap on your cape, because Superman IV: The Quest for Peace is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the DVD cover or the movie title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell: Far from being a ‘betrayal’ or ‘the worst Superman movie’, Superman IV: The Quest for Peace is a movie with big ideas and a tiny, tiny budget. It remains the favorite Superman of both cohosts, whose taste as we all know is impeccable.

This movie contains:

Amazing volcanic special effects!

RAWR!

WTF?

ERRATA: The Jackie Chan movie we mention in which Jackie Chan dresses up as Chun Li from Streetfighter is actually the live-action Hong Kong version of City Hunter.

Super Secret Roger Corman Podcast: When Fishmen Attack

Hide your kids, hide your wives, because Humanoids from the Deep (aka Monster) is the Greatest Movie EVER?

Click on the movie poster above to download our review of the film, featuring Oliver from the Brain Palace podcast and Mike Dent from R5 Central.

(This was actually the least raunchy poster I could find. Do not Google image search for Humanoids from the Deep with your ‘Safe Search’ settings turned off.)

Review in a Nutshell: Yes, it’s THAT movie. The one with the rubber fishmen getting a bit too fresh with nubile young ladies in bikinis. Nuff said.

This movie contains:

Vic Morrow, Drunken Sailor.

“Sushi. Cold fish. That’s what my wife called me…”

The most effective seduction technique ever captured on film.

Bonus Content: Foucault’s Pendulum

I’m busy this week with homework and magazine deadlines, so instead of a normal GME! episode, I’m posting a link to my guest appearance on Jon Brescia’s book club podcast, in which Jon and I discussed Umberto Eco’s deconstructionist conspiracy theory novel, Foucault’s Pendulum. As usual, spoilers abound. Click on the book cover or title above to download the podcast.

Ninja Rides the Elevator

Sharpen up those sais, because Enter the Ninja is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell: The progenitor of the Eighties Ninja Craze, Enter the Ninja is a low-budget shinobi caper with a strangely dry sense of humor. Watch it for hook-handed German henchmen, cock-fighting, arrow gags, and Franco Nero’s fabulous mustache.

Chronos is a Jerk.

Fire up the afterburners, because The Final Countdown is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the DVD cover or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Celebrity Translator Neil Nadelman.

Review in a Nutshell: A military documentary masquerading as a time travel film, The Final Countdown has some amazing visuals of modern technology in action. Don’t expect a deep exploration of alternative histories or time paradoxes, though.

Good-bye, Legacy.

Hold onto your golden tickets, because Last Action Hero is (probably not) the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring shameless Last Action Hero apologist, Sean ‘Hollywood’ Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell: Part meta-narrative. Part satire of violent Eighties action movies. Part heart-warming children’s film. Last Action Hero is a film with an identity crisis.