Astonishingly mediocre, The Black Cauldron may just be
The Greatest Worst Movie EVER!
This movie contains:
Generic Heroes.
The Frog / Cleavage Scene.
SATAN.
COMING SOON!
“Optimus, NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”
Author Archives: gooberzilla
Just a human being, traveling the Interwebs.
Labyrinths and Lollipops?
Strap on your scabbards, adventurers, because
Mazes and Monsters is the Greatest (Worst?) Movie EVER!
This movie contains:
Helpful Skeletons. (“Beware the Sacrilege!”)
Crazy people.
Stupid Hats.
FINAL THOUGHT!
I hope that dragon fails its Saving Throw vs Doritos…
COMING SOON!
We’re going to keep this Satanic Death bus a-rollin’
when Chad “Winter” Clayton returns to take a stab at
The Black Cauldron.
The Horror within the Blur
Some spoilers ahead, so watch the movie first,
because Jacob’s Ladder is the Greatest Movie EVER!
This movie contains:
SILENT HILL.
SILENT HILL.
SILENT HILL.
ERRATA:
- Pruitt Taylor Vince’s medical condition is actually called “Nystagmus”.
- The Jezebel of the Old Testament was a worshiper of Baal. The Jezebel mentioned in the New Testament was the sexually promiscuous one.
COMING SOON!
Katherine is going to feel my pain…
“Wolfman’s got Nards.”
Packed to the brim with yummy eighties goodness,
The Monster Squad is the Greatest Movie EVER!
This movie contains:
Dracula.
The Wolf-Man. (AWOOOOOO!)
The Creature from the Black Lagoon.
The Mummy.
Frankenstein’s Monster.
This movie also contains:
Children with a staunch belief in the Second Amendment.
COMING SOON!
Tim Robbins has issues…
It’s like ‘Love, Actually’…with Zombies
Despite the protests of some sissy zombie-haters,
Slither is the Greatest Movie EVER!
This movie contains:
The rules of Alien Diplomacy.
Tender Alien Romance.
Heroics.
Friendly Zombies.
“Multi-Pass!”
Despite the presence of Chris Tucker, The Fifth Element is the Greatest Movie EVER!
This movie contains:
Tiny Lister, Space President.
Space Ducks.
Space Orcs.
The most annoying man in the galaxy.
Oh, yeah, Milla’s in it, too. (MULTI-PASS!)
COMING SOON!
You know, a little Noxzema could clear that up…
Savage White Guy Atavism
It’s mutant bears all day, every day, in this remarkably family unfriendly film.
That’s right, Prophecy is the Greatest Movie EVER!
This film contains:
Rugged Man-beards.
Dog Bondage.
Armand Assante, Native American!
Owl Bears.
COMING SOON!
Oh noes, more Milla!
No Jiffy Pop in Heaven.
Despite the presence of ‘The Swayze’,
Red Dawn is the Greatest Worst Movie EVER!
Once again, technical difficulties have prevented me from posting adequate screen caps.
As a token of my apologies, please consider this picture of a contemplative gorilla:
(Gorilla. Guerrilla. Get it?)
I’ll do better next time, I swear.
Also, the Greatest Movie EVER! Podcast has been nominated for a Parsec Award! Yay!
COMING SOON!
It’s all fun and games until someone mutates a bear.
Karate Invasion! “Did you see her triceps?”
For those of you who didn’t get enough Fast Karate this Saturday,
Strange Days is the Greatest Movie EVER.
This podcast contains:
Those Dino-hatin’ outlaws, Dave and Joel.
This movie contains:
The lovely Angela Bassett and the less-than-lovely Juliette Lewis.
This movie also contains:
Fabulous hair-styles.
COMINGS SOON!
“WOLVERINES!”
California Speed LOLZ
Despite a general absence of Stuntman Mike,
Vanishing Point is the Greatest Movie EVER!
No screen-caps this week. I forgot to borrow Sean’s DVD.
Instead, here’s a pic of Barry Newman putting the schnoz-lock on Charlotte Rampling.
No woman can resist Barry Newman.
COMING SOON!
“Paranoia is just reality on a grander scale.”
The Greatest Movie EVER! Podcast 