Category Archives: Fantasy

Eldritch Horrors: The Call of Cthulhu

(Banner courtesy of Michael Scally. Thanks, Mike!)

Hold onto your sanity, because The Call of Cthulhu is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film,

featuring Clarissa and Gerald of Anime World Order and Jeff Tatarek of the Lather’s Blather podcast.

Review in a Nutshell:  The H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society outdid themselves with this one.  The Call of Cthulhu is perhaps the most faithful Lovecraft film adaptation to date, and it’s also a wonderful piece of silent film-making.

ERRATA:  La Sombra Prohibida actually means “The Forbidden Shadow”, not “The Forbidden Sleep.” 

FINAL THOUGHT:

Cthulhu Mythos got you down?  Try Elder Sign!

Screw you, Moon!

Grab your glowing walnuts, because Message from Space is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the podcast, featuring the Most Dangerous guest host, Patrick Macias.

(Buy Otaku USA Magazine.  Buy Otaku USA Magazine.  Buy Otaku USA Magazine.)

Review in a Nutshell:  Space walnuts.  Lizard men.  Silver-skinned villains.  Blowing up the moon.  Space hot-rodding in space-dragsters.  What the heck did I just watch? 

This movie contains:

Drunken Vic Morrow.

Lizard Men with Whips.

Racist Robots.

This movie no longer contains:

The Moon.  (Take that, Moon!)

FINAL THOUGHT:

This was the expression on my face while watching this film.

INSERT INSANE LAUGHTER HERE

 

Hide your secret decoder rings, because The Shadow is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Katherine the Great.

Review in a Nutshell:  Similar to films such as The Phantom and The Rocketeer, The Shadow is a period adventure film featuring action, romance, and a nice sense of style.  Some of the CG special effects haven’t aged so well, but the movie is still fun for children of all ages.

This movie contains:

Alec Baldwin as Fu Manchu.

The man responsible for Mongolian Barbeque.

Psychic Knives.

Invisible Skyscrapers.  (You can’t see it.  It’s invisible.)

This movie does not contain:

David Bowie’s Codpiece.

Cage Rage: The Sorcerer’s Apprentice

Don your snazzy wizard hat, because The Sorcerer’s Apprentice is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the poster or the movie title above to download our review of the film,

featuring guest host Daryl “I’m not Here to Make any Friends” Surat from AnimeWorldOrder.

(Also, I guest star on their most recent episode!)

Review in a Nutshell:  The story is a bit trite, but The Sorcerer’s Apprentice stands on the strength of its special effects, its wizard fights, and Nic Cage’s bodacious fashion sense.  As family friendly films go, it’s an enjoyable little romp.

This movie contains:

Nerds getting Picked On.

Dapper Doctor Octopus.

Mind Explosion?

Nic Cage as Himself.

And thus we bring Cage Rage: The Year of the Cage to a close.  It’s been a bumpy ride.  But fear not, brave listeners, as long as hope survives, there will always be more Cage to go around.

Something Horrible in time for Halloween…

 

Gnash your teeth in agony, because Cool World is definitely not the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring guest cohost Gerald Rathkolb from AnimeWorldOrder.

Review in a Nutshell:  Crippled by a wretched script, bad performances, and a non-stop deluge of animated nonsense, Cool World mutates from an interesting premise into a movie so bad that even its creator has disowned it.  It’s almost enough to make me feel sorry for Bakshi for foisting this kind of film upon the viewers of the world.  Almost.

Der Uberklaw

Hide the mirrors, because Prince of Darkness is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click the movie poster or title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell:  A great concept hampered by some weak characterizations, Prince of Darkness is a film that almost suceeds at replicating Lovecraftian cosmic horror.  It serves as the second entry of John Carpenter’s “Apocalypse Trilogy”.

This movie contains:

Satan?

Satan.

SATAN!!!

Not to be confused with Werewolf Women of the S.S.

Break out the flea collars, because Howling 2: Your Sister is a Werewolf is The Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring special guest host Keith Allison from Teleport City.

Review in a Nutshell:  Featuring titanium bullets, new wave rockers, and an eight thousand year old werewolf matriarch, Howling 2: Your Sister is a Werewolf is a stupifyingly terrible film.  It’s the cinematic equivalent of being hit in the helmet by a morningstar-wielding midget.  Watch it with someone you love.

This movie contains:

Christopher Lee in Raver Shades.

Black Magic.

Force Lightning.

Ugly American Tourism.

This Time It Really is “Drink Your Vegetables.”

Don’t spare the bologna sandwiches, because Troll 2 is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell:   Wooden acting, cheap special effects, ridiculous fairy-tale logic, and crew of crazy Italians…it all adds up to one of the most awesomely bad movies in cinema history!

This movie contains:

Ghosts.

Goblins.

Delicious Vegan Cuisine.

Oh – oh dear God, no!  Just no!  DO NOT WANT!

FINAL THOUGHT:

OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

God Bless Uwe Boll Part III: Not LotR, Srsly

Break out the boomerangs, because In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, aka Jason Statham Rides a Horse and Kills People, is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring guest co-host Daryl Surat of AnimeWorldOrder.

Review in a Nutshell:  Uwe Boll has an amazing gift to take any film of any genre and any budget-level and transform it into a clattering wreck of ineptitude punctuated with moments of actual competance.  In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale is no exception, and might possibly be Boll’s magnum opus.

Logic: 1, Magic: Big Fat Zero

Dust off the lances and saddle up your trusty steed, because The Flight of Dragons is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the DVD cover or the movie title above to download our review of the film, featuring guest co-host Chad “Winter” Clayton.

Review in a Nutshell:  With a narrative borrowed from several different sources, The Flight of Dragons gets by more on its weird visual aesthetic than on the strength of its story.  This film is another Rankin / Bass related emotional scar on my childhood.

This movie contains:

Evil Dragons.

Scary Wizards.

Everybody Dies.