Category Archives: Sci Fi

Deep, Deep Symbolism.

Zardoz is the Greatest Movie EVER. Or possibly the Worst. It’s the cinematic equivalent of being hit in the brain with a slice of lemon wrapped in a solid gold brick.

 

4 Minutes, 0 Seconds In:

ZARDOZ!

 

12 Minutes, 22 Seconds – 13 Minutes, 55 Seconds In:

Gooberzilla calls shenanigans on Hideaki Anno.

 

14 Minutes, 3 Seconds In:

He really does look like Paul McCartney.

 

14 Minutes, 54 Seconds In:

Pyramid-trap! OH SNAP!

 

17 Minutes, 11 Seconds In:

Boned.

 

Closing thought:

At least Zardoz was politically progressive, huh?

 

Next episode is Deep Blue Sea, I promise!

When all else fails, Recycle!

Underworld: Evolution is the Worst Movie EVER. It’s even worse than the original Underworld, which was also the Worst Movie EVER. So it’s the worst of the worst. Not to be confused with the worst of the wurst, because even bad wurst is good wurst.

In all honesty, this episode was recorded quite some time ago. I was saving it for a rainy day, and since I spent this last weekend traveling to Miami and back to help my good friend Eddy prepare for Carousel, I’ve been too swamped to record another podcast. But fear not, intrepid listeners, we have more good stuff coming down the pipe in the near future!

Being a brief illustration of what werewolves should look like:

This is the “Crinos” form,
as per Werewolf: The Apocalypse from White Wolf Games.


This is what the werewolves in Underworld: Evolution resemble.

`Nuff said.

The Crushing Pressure of Mediocrity…

The Core is the Worst Movie EVER. We blame Daryl Surat over at AnimeWorldOrder for inflicting this cinematic atrocity on our psyches, and we swear upon the ghost of M.D. Geist and the ruins of the Brain Palace that vengeance shall be ours. Well, not really…we still love you, Daryl, in a completely heterosexual and non-threatening way.

 

Also, new installations in the Appatosaurus Preserve now allow us to record and publish an episode across vast gulfs of time, space, and probability without sounding like we’re shouting from inside a tin out-house. (Translation: We got some new software; the podcast should sound better than before.)

 

3 Minutes, 27 Seconds In:

D.J. Qualls surrenders. We do, too.

 

10 Minutes, 26 Seconds In:

It’s just a little scratch. He could be okay…

Ummm…

…maybe not.

 

16 Minutes, 4 Seconds – 16 Minutes, 36 Seconds In:

Bishopcruz loses his frickin’ mind.

 

18 Minutes, 21 Seconds In:


ZEUS HATES ROME!!!

 

21 Minutes, 0 Seconds In – 21 Minutes, 29 Seconds In:

Invoking the Avatar of Warwick Davis, the Almighty Gooberzilla calls Supreme Shenanigans(TM).

 

NEW FEATURE! COMING SOON! A taste of what’s in store in the next Greatest Movie EVER Podcast.

Somebody set us up the bomb.

 

Cheers, mate.

Angry Alien Ghosts, American Idol, and Alice Cooper

Ghosts of Mars is the Greatest Movie EVER! And don’t let any Closet Dino-sympathizers tell you differently. (^_~)

3 Minutes, 37 Seconds In:
Ice Cube, Master thespian! Witness his staggering range of emotions:
Angry.

Miffed.

Irritated.

11 Minutes, 41 Seconds In:

Natasha Henstridge at her finest.

14 Minutes, 30 Seconds In:

Big Daddy Manson — er, I mean, “Mars”.


Big Daddy Mars has got the public speaking skillz.

Dragons: 1 , Stromnir: Zero

Reign of Fire is the Greatest Worst Movie EVER. Or the Worst Greatest Movie EVER. We’re not sure.

 

It has dragons in it.

No, seriously. They breath fire and everything. And apparently, they wiped out the dinosaurs. All of the ones that weren’t safely sequestered in the Appatosaurus Preserve, that is.

 

15 Minutes, 16 Seconds In:

Getting ready for it…

 


Yes, folks. They even filmed it from underneath.

 


GO, STROMNIR, GO!!!

 

Sadly, shortly after this episode was recorded, the entire dinosaur population of the Appatosaurus Preserve was wiped out by an unknown assailant wielding a giant, freakin’ axe. Witnesses report that the assailant was heard shouting: “Yaaar, filthy dragons, taste the wrath of me blade!” The cryptic message “STROMNIR LIVES!” was found painted in dinosaur blood at the scene of the slaughter.

A composite sketch of the assailant, created by police artists.

Logan’s Run and Lizard-Brains

Logan’s Run is the Greatest Movie EVER.

 

3 Minutes, 6 Seconds In:

Now that I think about it, that Carousel crystal looks like a giant Apple Sour Altoid.

 


See?

 


Anti-gravity Disco!

 

6 Minutes, 54 Seconds In:

It’s kind of sad when your film’s Moses figure is Peter Ustinov as a Crazy Cat Guy.

 

7 Minutes, 28 Seconds In:

Steam Spears! OH SNAP!

 

8 Minutes, 14 Seconds In:

Box, the Resident Insane Robot.
Why don’t they ever invent a robot
that doesn’t go haywire and attempt to kill you?
I blame Y2K.

 

9 Minutes, 18 Seconds In:

This is what the directors were shooting for, visually speaking.

 

Ironically, my good friend Eddie turns 30 this September.
THERE IS NO SANCTUARY, EDDIE!

Bold, New Universes of Suck…

The Chronicles of Riddick podcast is now available for your listening consumption.

 4 minutes, 5 Seconds In:
These are the Necromonger, from Chronicles of Riddick:

Yeah.

13 Minutes, 59 Seconds In:
This is Dual-Wieldy Scythe-Guy.
He does not realize that two-handed, double-blade scythes
are not good for dual-wielding.
Isn’t life grand?

Al Gore’s Got Nothing on This One…

This week’s episode of The Greatest Movie EVER! Podcast features a review of Godzilla vs. The Smog Monster. Yummy-licious. I’ve also decided to put up a few show notes for your ultimate edification. Enjoy.

 

8 Minutes, 30 seconds In:

 

The Lonely Death of a Put-Upon, Japanese, High-Rise Construction Worker.

 

12 Minutes, 25 seconds In:
FISH-FACE!!!

 

Not tonight, Dear, I have a Haddock.

 

That’s some bad Acid.

 

13 Minutes, 44 seconds In:
The Godzilla Rocket(TM).

 

That’s all for now, folks!

Attack of the Lichens!

Another week has gone by, and with it comes another Podcast, featuring a review of the execrable Underworld, a piece of sentient cinematic slime that oozed its way out of the primordial soup and permanently into the consciousness of the Almighty Gooberzilla. Seriously, this film is a sore on my brain. Watch it at your own peril.