The Greatest Movie EVER! Podcast
Reviewing only the finest films in the history of cinema. And robots, too.
Regardless of Skeletor’s sexual confusion,
Masters of the Universe is the Greatest Movie EVER.
10 Minutes, 31 Seconds In:
Man-at-Arms and Teela, grizzled `76ers line-backer and PETA Activist, respectively.
11 Minutes, 27 Seconds In:
Meg Foster as Evil-Lynn. She’s an uber-hotty.
21 Minutes, 25 Seconds In:
Skeletor in his Sunday-lounge-around-the-throneroom threads.
vs.
Ziggy played guit-a-a-a-ar!
CLOSING THOUGHT!
Orco is the Lame Sauce.
Despite its mad, l33t catering skillz, A Sound of Thunder is the Worst Movie EVER.
2 Minutes, 5 Seconds In:
Sir Ben Kingsley in a truly horrendous wig. Note also the champagne fountain.
9 Minutes, 0 Seconds In:
BABOONASAURUSES! BA-BOON-A-SAURUSES!
10 Minutes, 45 Seconds In:
A city-scape scene in A Sound of Thunder. Note how obviously blue-screened the background is…
12 Minutes, 24 Seconds In:
It’s a bad sign when your Allosaurus Ice Sculpture looks better than your Allosaurus. Also, caterers get no love.
COMING SOON!
Next time, assuming no cataclysmic space-time catastrophes interfere and we actually get the bloody show recorded, we hope to take a stab at this:
Stab. Bloody. Get it?
We’re (un)dead serious when we say that Resident Evil: Apocalypse is the Worst Movie EVER. I guess our chief criticism is the movie tries to be like the game, and it fails. This wouldn’t be as much of a problem if the game wasn’t so silly in the first place…
6 Minutes, 31 Seconds In:
In think Isaac Newton himself said it was physically impossible to bungee-jump out of a helicopter while dual-wielding Berettas…
7 Minutes, 10 Seconds In:
Milla loves her machine-pistols.
8 Minutes, 42 Seconds In:
The lonely death of Nikolai.
21 Minutes, 5 Seconds In:
Nemmy need hug?
COMING SOON!
A huge snake…but NOT also poisonous.
In flagrant defiance of all evidence to the contrary, Ultraviolet is the Greatest Movie EVER.
4 Minutes, 37 Seconds In:
Nick Chinlund as Daxus. I love this guy.
8 Minutes, 22 Seconds In:
Cameron Bright as Six. Not quite so loveable.
CLOSING THOUGHT!
Come on, Katherine, the movie wasn’t THAT bad…
COMING SOON!
Wait…what?
Escape from LA is the Greatest Movie EVER, much to the chagrin of Dave and Joel over at Fast Karate for the Gentlemen.
2 Minutes, 4 Seconds In:
The name I was looking for here was “Lee Van Cleef”.
3 Minutes, 16 Seconds In:
Cuervo Jones, the villain of this picture. He’s into love and peace.
15 Minutes, 21 Seconds In:
I don’t care what Mom says, Pam Grier is all woman. Even when she’s technically a man.
17 Minutes, 34 Seconds In:
Mom is totally fired. But fear not, intrepid listeners, she’ll certainly be back. Only at greatly reduced pay…
COMING SOON!
“I don’t need no gun!”
That’s right, folks. Tune in soon to hear the Almighty Gooberzilla, Daryl Surat from AnimeWorldOrder, and the aforementioned Dave and Joel from Fast Karate for the Gentlemen tackle the transcendent glory of the Greatest GREATEST Movie EVER, Commando!
Stealth, like Reign of Fire, is the Greatest Worst Movie EVER. (Not great enough to be Greatest, not worse enough to be Worst.)
1 Minutes, 4 Seconds In:
EDI, the star of this picture. If I were in charge, I would design all of my robot-pilot AIs with friendly, soothing green LEDs, rather than the angry, rebellious red ones.
10 Minutes, 23 Seconds In:
(…I’m sorry, was I supposed to write a comment here? I got a little…distracted…)
11 Minutes, 38 Seconds In:
OX-CART NUKES OMG!
21 Minutes, 6 Seconds In:
Ganesh, the Remover of Obstacles.
COMING SOON!
Just in time for the holidays, the most horrifying film to hit the screen!
DOOM is the Greatest Movie EVER. No, really. I’m serious. Stop laughing.
1 Minute, 34 Seconds In:
Karl Urban. He’s angsty and complicated, ladies.
14 Minutes, 11 Seconds In:
The tragedy of TPTBS (Too Pretty To Be a Scientist) Syndrome.
23 Minutes, 29 Seconds In:
Forget Chekhov’s gun. This movie has Chekhov’s BFG.
Final Thought:
“Hey! I am the star of this picture!”
The Rocketeer is the Greatest Movie EVER.
Rocket-man, burnin’ out his fuse, up here, alone!
2 Minutes, 56 Seconds In:
Jennifer Connelly is one classy dame.
7 Minutes, 23 Seconds In:
Lothar is refined, but not exactly classy.
19 Minutes, 21 Seconds In:
It’s patriotic, y’all.
CLOSING THOUGHT!
Clowns should not fly airplanes.
Despite pre-emptive protests by Daryl Surat from AnimeWorldOrder, Godzilla: Final Wars is the Worst Movie EVER.
Fair Warning:
You will need these if you wish to survive Godzilla: Final Wars.
2 Minutes, 24 Seconds In:
Ummm… I think I’ve seen this scene somewhere before?
5 Minutes, 58 Seconds In:
Josef Stalin saves the Universe!
14 Minutes, 28 Seconds In:
Minya-Jesus.
16 Minutes, 22 Seconds In:
I don’t know what he’s laughing about…
The Fashion-Police are about to serve an arrest warrant.
20 Minutes, 6 Seconds In – 21 Minutes, 17 Seconds In:
Despite Mom’s heartiest efforts to stop the downward spiral into madness, the Almighty Gooberzilla loses his frickin’ mind.
Oh yeah, and apparently Godzilla’s in this movie, too.
COMING SOON!
“I belieeeeeeeeeve I can flyyyyyyyyyyy…”
Deep Blue Sea is the Greatest Movie EVER.
Because those sharks are smart, you see.
1 Minute, 25 Seconds In:
LL Cool J. You better recognize, yo.
9 Minutes, 58 Second In – 10 Minutes, 43 Seconds In:
If you think you’re having a bad day…
…trying being used as a Shark-O-Ram(TM).
14 Minutes, 17 Seconds In:
Forget Snakes on a Plane. This movie has Sharks on a Motivational Speaker.
“Huh?”
“Judging from the concerned expression on your face in combination with the frantic hand gesture, I believe you are meaning to imply that there is something behind me. Very well, I will calmly turn around and inspect the situation…”
“OH SNAP!”
COMING SOON!
Sean and I delve into the world of Hung Hsi-Kuan, aka Executioners from Shaolin, aka Shaolin Executioners, in order to see if everybody really was kung fu fightin’.
