The Greatest Movie EVER! Podcast
Reviewing only the finest films in the history of cinema. And robots, too.
Watch out for the naughty tentacles, because
The Host is the Worst Movie EVER!
This film contains:
Motiveless Villainy.
Dedicated Civil Servants Protecting the Public…kinda…
Idiots.
Oh yeah, there’s a Monster in here, somewhere.
CLOSING THOUGHT!
What watching this movie feels like:
TORTURE!
COMING SOON!
If only there were something that could wash
the awful taste of this pitiful excuse
for a Monster Movie out of my mouth…
OH WAIT, THERE IS!
Because the Almighty Gooberzilla never goes back on his word,
Love Actually is the Worst Movie EVER!
This movie contains:
Nebbishness.
NEBBISHNESS.
NEBBISHNESS.
COMING SOON!
We’re going to wash the taste of this lukewarm treacle out of our collective mouths
with the help of damsels, robots, and a maverick cowboy samurai from Miami…
Hold on to your fishing hats, because Paycheck is the Worst Movie EVER!
This movie contains:
MIND LASERS.
Fisherman Hats.
Mexican Stand-Offs.
And that brings an end to the Big Month of Dick. Thanks for listening!
Which makes me wonder what is COMING SOON?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Trust nobody, because Impostor is the Greatest Movie EVER!
(And also the Worst Movie EVER!)
This movie contains:
Gary Sinise.
Vincent D’Onofrio.
Torture.
(Er, I mean “Geneva Convention Sanctioned Interrogation Techniques.”)
PARANOIA.
Keith David Impersonators.
Big Mutherin’ Explosions.
COMING SOON!
Turtle Recall?
If only we could have foreseen
that Next is the Worst Movie EVER.
This movie contains:
The Cage.
The Cage.
The Cage.
Oh yeah. Jessica Biel is in it, too.
This movie does not contain:
Golden Men.
COMING SOON!
I bet those groin-seeking lasers are making Spencer Olham a trifle nervous…
The Big Week of (Philip K.) Dick commences October1,
but in the meantime Dead or Alive is the Worst (Meh-est?) Movie EVER!
NOTE: If the show sounds a little static-filled this time around, it’s because I forgot to recalibrate my mixer after lending it to Daryl Surat during Anime Weekend Atlanta. I’ve fixed the problem; it shouldn’t happen again. (I sent the DVD back to Netflix without capturing any screens or sound effects, so here are some images swiped from Google Imagesearch.)
This film contains:
Purple Hair! (Thanks, IGN!)
Girl Fights!
CHEESECAKE.
COMING SOON!
“The Second Variety? I thought this was RoboCop 2…”
Strap on your scabbards, adventurers, because
Mazes and Monsters is the Greatest (Worst?) Movie EVER!
This movie contains:
Helpful Skeletons. (“Beware the Sacrilege!”)
Crazy people.
Stupid Hats.
FINAL THOUGHT!
I hope that dragon fails its Saving Throw vs Doritos…
COMING SOON!
We’re going to keep this Satanic Death bus a-rollin’
when Chad “Winter” Clayton returns to take a stab at
The Black Cauldron.
Despite my inexplicable affection for the theatrical cut,
Highlander II: The Quickening (Renegade Version) is
the Worst Movie EVER!
This movie contains:
BIIIIIIIIIIRD-MAN!
Once again, BIIIIIIIIIIRD MAN!
Michael Ironside’s one facial expression.
Michael Ironside’s other facial expression.
This movie also contains:
“RAMIIIIIIIIIIIIIREEEEEEEEEEEEZ!”
This movie does not contain:
The Ozone Layer.
Destroy all expectations, because Mortal Kombat: Annihilation is the Worst Movie EVER!
This film contains:
Villains with Choice Hats.
Ninjas. (Suddenly, hundreds of them.)
Red Hot Undead Mamas.
Touching Drama!
Kung Fu-wielding Dragons.
And speaking of Dragons…
COMING SOON!
Somebody call Stromnir!
The Greatest Movie EVER! Podcast 