Reviewing only the finest films in the history of cinema. And robots, too.
Despite a general absence of Stuntman Mike,
Vanishing Point is the Greatest Movie EVER!
No screen-caps this week. I forgot to borrow Sean’s DVD.
Instead, here’s a pic of Barry Newman putting the schnoz-lock on Charlotte Rampling.
No woman can resist Barry Newman.
COMING SOON!
“Paranoia is just reality on a grander scale.”
Not to be confused with its lackluster remake,
Rollerball (1975) is the Greatest Movie EVER!
This movie contains:
Cesti. (Oooh, good Vocab word.)
Alfred Hitchcock Impersonators.
Stylin’ Seventies Fashion.
Coma-inducing Concussions.
Although the blood-feud between Katherine and Mom continues,
Ghost Rider is the Greatest Movie EVER!
This movie contains:
Matt Long as Young Johnny.
“The Cage” as Fully Grown Johnny.
OMG THEY COULD BE TWINS!
This movie also contains:
Sideburn sporting Emo Devil-babies.
Nicholas Cage, Master Thespian!
COMING SOON!
Obey the Fist.
Imitation, or Inspiration? Regardless, The Super Inframan is the Greatest Movie EVER!
This movie contains:
Hong Kong Legend, Danny Lee!
Space Vixens.
Space Vixens.
MIND BULLETS!
Thunderball Fists.
COMING SOON!
Hey, who rattled your Cage?
Despite its over-enthusiastic ad copy, The Vikings is the Greatest Movie EVER!
This movie contains:
Ernest Borgnine.
A keen emphasis placed on the role of swords in Norse metaphysics.
(Pun intended.)
“You know, I don’t suppose I will kill you after all. I mean, standing here like this ready to strike the fatal blow,
I realize that you do resemble our late father rather strongly, and somehow it would just feel wrong to smite you
while you’re defenseless…”
“O RLY?”
“GAH! OH SNAP!”
This movie does not contain:
Giant enemy crabs. 😦
Robosexual undertones aside, RobotJox is the Greatest Movie EVER!
This episode features guest host Jeff “Rich Lather” Tatarek from the Lather’s Blather Podcast.
This movie contains:
Crazy Russians.
ROBO FOOT!
ROCKET PUNCH!
CLOSING THOUGHT:
What does this movie deserve?
THUMBS UP.
COMING SOON!
“Searching for Odin, my love?”
Despite it’s disturbingly high percentage of splits,
Bloodsport is the Greatest Movie EVER!
This movie contains:
Charades.
Jean Claude, Master Thespian!
Bolo Yeung and his Pectorals.
This podcast contains:
Mentos. (The Freshmaker)
All joking aside, Pan’s Labyrinth is the Greatest Movie EVER!
This movie includes:
Exploding Giant Toads.
Fauns and other fairy woodland creatures.
Peer pressure.
Ofelia: “This’ll make me cool, right?”
Pan: “Yeah, baby, the first one’s free.”
PEEK-A-BOO!
CLOSING THOUGHT!
Okay, that’s enough darkness and depression for a while.
After all…
Guillermo just wants to make you smile.
COMING SOON!
Why is Frank Dux so upset? Tune in and find out!
Despite my inexplicable affection for the theatrical cut,
Highlander II: The Quickening (Renegade Version) is
the Worst Movie EVER!
This movie contains:
BIIIIIIIIIIRD-MAN!
Once again, BIIIIIIIIIIRD MAN!
Michael Ironside’s one facial expression.
Michael Ironside’s other facial expression.
This movie also contains:
“RAMIIIIIIIIIIIIIREEEEEEEEEEEEZ!”
This movie does not contain:
The Ozone Layer.
Despite a compete lack of pie-eating scenes, Sky High is the Greatest Movie EVER!
This film contains:
Kurt Russell in a Muscle Suit.
Angry Pretty Boys.
Bruce doin’ what Bruce does best.
Sexy Evil Overlords in Robot Moon Boots.
This film does not contain:
PIE. (SOOOOOO GOOOOD!)
COMING SOON!
I really mean it, this time!
The Greatest Movie EVER! Podcast 