gooberzilla

Ultra-realistic / Too Comic-Booky?

Due to the incredible pressure brought to bear by “Hollywood” Hunting, The Punisher (2004) is simply a Movie, with no judgement or label attached.

(But it doesn’t have Dolph Lundgren in it. Draw your own conclusions.)

10 Minutes, 29 Seconds In:

John Travolta as Howard Saint.
Not a very convincing villain; perhaps it’s his fashion sense.

10 Minutes, 44 Seconds In:

Harry Heck. He’s walking the line of a ring of fire, because he hurt himself today after shooting a man in Reno just to watch him die.

12 Minutes, 50 Seconds In:

Rebecca Romjin.
Best in roles where she a.) does not talk and b.) karates Wolverine in the face.

13 Minutes, 52 Seconds In:

Ben Foster as Dave. They torture the hell out of him.

But they leave this guy alone?

COMING SOON!

Step off, Priss Asagiri!

Gee Willickers, Snoop Dogg!

Master of the Flying Guillotine is the Greatest Movie EVER. If you don’t believe me, just ask Snoop Dogg.

Jimmy Wang Yu.
If you see him make this expression, chances are you’ve got on his bad side.

6 Minutes, 37 Seconds In:

The Master of the Flying Guillotine, in his ultra-subtle disguise as a Nazi monk.

9 Minutes, 12 Seconds In:

The Muy Thai Master. Tony Jaa he is not.

13 Minutes, 32 Seconds In:

The Yoga Master, and his pet owl, Hootie.

19 Minutes, 22 Seconds In:

“Duuuuuh? Bamboo dull axe?”

IN CONCLUSION!

Snoop Dogg – much like the Almighty Gooberzilla – has impeccable taste in film.

Caturday!?!

Despite featuring Halle Berry in skin-tight leather, Catwoman is the Worst Movie EVER.

7 Minutes, 43 Seconds In:

What the Internet is actually used for…

10 Minutes, 35 Seconds In:

Benjamin Bratt. He’s handsome, but he’s no Mark Dacascos.

11 Minutes, 12 Seconds In:

Sharon Stone plays a washed-up, alcoholic model whose beauty is fading and whose glory days are long since past.
I wonder if you’d call this method-acting?
ZING!

The many faces of Halle Berry:

Cute.

Slimey, but still cute.

Sassy.

On ur rooftops, stealin’ ur laundryz.

God Bless Uwe Boll

It doesn’t take a rocket-scientist to realize that BloodRayne is the Worst Movie EVER. And yet, I think the entire world should watch it. Everyone must know my pain.

On a side note, if it sounds like my voice is being strained through the guts of a cybernetic monkey, that’s because I had one of the quality settings incorrect when I recorded this. I apologize in advance.

2 Minutes, 57 Seconds In:

Kristanna Loken. She’s a cutie.

3 Minutes, 18 Seconds In:

Sir Ben Kingsley in another outrageous wig.
This is the only expression he uses in the entire film.

5 Minutes, 2 Seconds In:

Michael Madsen does not know how to swing a sword.

5 Minutes, 22 Seconds In:

Damostir, Kagan’s chief thrall. I dig his punk-rock haircut.

9 Minutes, 41 Seconds In:

MEATLOAF!!! OH SNAP!

CLOSING THOUGHT!
For all those that are not yet convinced
that this movie was made under the influence of intoxicating substances:

Purple haze / up in my brain!

COMING SOON!

This photo makes me think naughty things.

More Dino Propaganda – Dino Catering!

Despite its mad, l33t catering skillz, A Sound of Thunder is the Worst Movie EVER.

2 Minutes, 5 Seconds In:

Sir Ben Kingsley in a truly horrendous wig. Note also the champagne fountain.

9 Minutes, 0 Seconds In:

BABOONASAURUSES! BA-BOON-A-SAURUSES!

10 Minutes, 45 Seconds In:

A city-scape scene in A Sound of Thunder. Note how obviously blue-screened the background is…

12 Minutes, 24 Seconds In:

It’s a bad sign when your Allosaurus Ice Sculpture looks better than your Allosaurus. Also, caterers get no love.

COMING SOON!
Next time, assuming no cataclysmic space-time catastrophes interfere and we actually get the bloody show recorded, we hope to take a stab at this:

Stab. Bloody. Get it?

Dino Propaganda – Koopas Ridin’ Dirty

Well, it doesn’t really involve time travel, but it does have alternate dimensions. And that’s why Super Mario Brothers is the Greatest Movie EVER.

9 Minutes, 29 Seconds In:

Dennis Hopper as Koopa. That’s his real tongue.

10 Minutes, 26 Seconds In:

That’s not big hair?

10 Minutes, 39 Seconds In:

Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo as the Mario Brothers. Chicks dig the `stache.

11 Minutes, 43 Seconds In:

GOOMBA ALERT!

13 Minutes, 48 Seconds In:
It becomes clear that the Almighty Gooberzilla does not know the lingo.

19 Minutes, 50 Seconds In:

Chimps are the epitome of hilarity.

Test Your Might.

Mortal Kombat is the Greatest Movie EVER. Go out and buy a copy. Heck, buy two: one for you, and one for your Sweet Baboo.

5 Minutes, 0 Seconds In:

Yeah, he looks like a Chinese god to me…

7 Minutes, 15 Seconds In:

Am I hot?

Or not?

14 Minutes, 47 Seconds In:

Tom Dickens, Ravager of Souls!

19 Minutes, 9 Seconds:

I can think of worse ways to die…

Why Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa deserves an Academy Award:

COMING SOON!
Something involving dinosaurs and time travel, something involving Flying Guillotines, or something involving Uwe Boll. ONLY TIME WILL TELL!

Merry Flippin’ Christmas!

Although Mortal Kombat is still Coming Soon, in the mean time (pun-intended) Santa’s Slay is the Greatest Movie EVER!

I’m sure everyone can see now how I could get these two movies confused…

1 Minutes, 51 Seconds In:

Goldberg is one Bad Santa.

2 Minutes, 55 Seconds In:

In addition to the Hell Deer, Santa’s sleigh also has rocket-boosters.

10 Minutes, 10 Seconds In:

Seriously, don’t you see the resemblance?

And with that, we here at the Greatest Movie EVER Podcast wish you Happy Holidays and Feliz Navidad. Until next time, adios amigos!

snakes…Snakes…SNAAAAAAAKES!!!

Anaconda is the Greatest Movie EVER (involving a Giant Snake).

0 Minutes, 36 Seconds In ~ 5 Minutes, 23 Seconds In:

It’s mail-call, yo.

8 Minutes, 0 Seconds In:

J-Lo. She’s TPBSM. (Too Pretty to Be a Scientist.)

9 Minutes, 0 Seconds In:

Jon Voight, the Star of this Picture?

11 Minutes, 25 Seconds In:

“I am sooooooooo relaxed.”

13 Minutes, 28 Seconds In:

The REAL Star of this Picture.

15 Minutes, 52 Seconds In:

Ice Cube is the Baddest Man on the Planet.

COMING SOON!

`Nuff said.

No Love for Nemmy?

We’re (un)dead serious when we say that Resident Evil: Apocalypse is the Worst Movie EVER. I guess our chief criticism is the movie tries to be like the game, and it fails. This wouldn’t be as much of a problem if the game wasn’t so silly in the first place…

6 Minutes, 31 Seconds In:

In think Isaac Newton himself said it was physically impossible to bungee-jump out of a helicopter while dual-wielding Berettas…