Curse You, Euclid!

Hold onto your boots, because Cube Zero is definitely not the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell:  Hopelessly crippled by ridiculous writing and bad ideas, Cube Zero takes a decent little science fiction / horror series and piledrives it into the pavement.  Its badness has to be seen to be believed.

Eldritch Horrors: Dagon

(Banner courtesy of Michael Scally.  Thanks, Mike!)

I hope you like kalamari, because Dagon is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Clarissa from Anime World Order.

This movie contains:

Computer Nerds.

Evil Cultists.

Squid Priestesses.

FINAL THOUGHT:

The Great Old Ones think you smell fantastic.

Eldritch Horrors: Re-Animator

(Banner courtesy of Michael Scally.  Thanks, Mike!)

Hold onto your heads, because Re-Animator is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

This movie contains:

Mad Science.

Zombies.

Vigilant Security Guards.

FINAL THOUGHT:

Herbert West wants you to groove to the beat.

House of 1000 Fishies?

Inflate your intertubes and break out the beach chairs, because Piranha (1978) is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the poster or the movie title above to download our review of the film, featuring a rather traumatized Katherine the Great.

Review in a Nutshell:  Despite a derivative plot and a low budget, Piranha is a remarkably effective horror movie certain to thrill and delight.  It’s still able to make poor Katherine squirm.

This movie contains:

Drunken Protagonists.

Mad Scientists.

Evil, Fish Geneticist Girlfriends.

WHAT HAS SCIENCE WROUGHT!?!

Der Uberklaw

Hide the mirrors, because Prince of Darkness is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click the movie poster or title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell:  A great concept hampered by some weak characterizations, Prince of Darkness is a film that almost suceeds at replicating Lovecraftian cosmic horror.  It serves as the second entry of John Carpenter’s “Apocalypse Trilogy”.

This movie contains:

Satan?

Satan.

SATAN!!!

This Time It Really is “Drink Your Vegetables.”

Don’t spare the bologna sandwiches, because Troll 2 is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell:   Wooden acting, cheap special effects, ridiculous fairy-tale logic, and crew of crazy Italians…it all adds up to one of the most awesomely bad movies in cinema history!

This movie contains:

Ghosts.

Goblins.

Delicious Vegan Cuisine.

Oh – oh dear God, no!  Just no!  DO NOT WANT!

FINAL THOUGHT:

OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

Cage Rage: The Wicker Man

Hide the honey pot, because The Wicker Man is (definitely not) The Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title to download our review of the film, featuring guest co-hosts Dave and Joel from Fast Karate for the Gentleman.

Review in a Nutshell: Good composition and production design cannot save a film that is poorly plotted, unconvincingly cast, and ultimately as subtle as a kick in the groin. Watch it for Nic Cage spazzing out. Or better yet, watch this clip on Youtube instead.

And now, Your Moment of Nicolas Cage Zen:


“We’ve come for the Krites.”

Strap on your hip-blaster, because Critters is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell:  Critters is a charming creature feature filled with realistic human characters and outrageous alien criminals and bounty hunters.  It features special effects by the Chiodo Brothers and Terrence Mann’s tremendous eighties hair.

This movie does not contain:

Jeff’s Enormous Horse, Carter.

She’s got the Look.

Pack up your sleeping bags, because Sleepaway Camp is the Greatest Movie EVER! 

Luke “The Sasquatch” White is our guest camp-counselor on this slice of summer camp horror.  Please click the poster or the movie title to download the review.

Review in a Nutshell:   Thanks to clever directing and several symbolic artistic flourishes, Sleepaway Camp remains a shocking experience more than a quarter-century after its initial release.  It’s a rare example of a horror movie with a disturbing exploration of a theme. 

This movie contains:

The Look.

Burn Work.

The Arrow Gag.

GRAAAARGHR!

COMING SOON!

Our Secret Halloween Theme concludes with the most horrifying zombie movie ever made.

Fat Man in Trenchcoat with Sword, Killing Vampires

Hold onto your viscera, because Against the Dark is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell:  A messy, straight-to-DVD action / horror movie, Against the Dark begs the question:  Which is the real lumbering, undead monster?  A vampire?  Or Steven Seagal’s career?