Category Archives: Horror

Cage Rage: The Wicker Man

Hide the honey pot, because The Wicker Man is (definitely not) The Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title to download our review of the film, featuring guest co-hosts Dave and Joel from Fast Karate for the Gentleman.

Review in a Nutshell: Good composition and production design cannot save a film that is poorly plotted, unconvincingly cast, and ultimately as subtle as a kick in the groin. Watch it for Nic Cage spazzing out. Or better yet, watch this clip on Youtube instead.

And now, Your Moment of Nicolas Cage Zen:


The Napoleon of Underwater Fish Crimes

Don’t go in the water, because Jaws: The Revenge is (definitely not) The Greatest Movie EVER!

Click the movie poster or the link above to download our review of the film.

Review in a Nutshell:  Stock footage, dodgy editing, immobile shark props, and Michael Caine are a powerful combination indeed.  Watch it with someone you love; they will hate you for it.

This movie contains:

Mario Van Peebles, Black MacGuyver.

RUBBA-SHARK.

This will end well.

FINAL THOUGHT:

THIS is how you show sea-dwelling creatures who is boss.

Also, click HERE to see comedian Richard Jeni’s take on Jaws: The Revenge.

“We’ve come for the Krites.”

Strap on your hip-blaster, because Critters is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell:  Critters is a charming creature feature filled with realistic human characters and outrageous alien criminals and bounty hunters.  It features special effects by the Chiodo Brothers and Terrence Mann’s tremendous eighties hair.

This movie does not contain:

Jeff’s Enormous Horse, Carter.

Who Goes There?

Fire up your flame-thrower, because John Carpenter’s The Thing is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the link above to download our review of the film.

Review in a Nutshell:   Brimming over with gore and paranoia, John Carpenter’s The Thing is a pessimistic vision and a luminary example of  the science fiction / horror subgenre.

COMING SOON!

“You fool!  My kung fu is best!”

She’s got the Look.

Pack up your sleeping bags, because Sleepaway Camp is the Greatest Movie EVER! 

Luke “The Sasquatch” White is our guest camp-counselor on this slice of summer camp horror.  Please click the poster or the movie title to download the review.

Review in a Nutshell:   Thanks to clever directing and several symbolic artistic flourishes, Sleepaway Camp remains a shocking experience more than a quarter-century after its initial release.  It’s a rare example of a horror movie with a disturbing exploration of a theme. 

This movie contains:

The Look.

Burn Work.

The Arrow Gag.

GRAAAARGHR!

COMING SOON!

Our Secret Halloween Theme concludes with the most horrifying zombie movie ever made.

“Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground…Democrat?”

Get out the Geiger counter, because C.H.U.D. is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell:  A cheesy horror film from the early eighties, C.H.U.D. succeeds thanks to solid performances from the cast, strong editing, and a psychologically-oppressive atmosphere.  The rubber monster suits help, too.

This movie contains:

Crazy Homeless People.

Grumpy Frumpy Face.

The mutation makes your eyes all glowy…

FINAL THOUGHT!

Producer Andrew Bonime’s response to the C.H.U.D. DVD commentary can be found here.

Fat Man in Trenchcoat with Sword, Killing Vampires

Hold onto your viscera, because Against the Dark is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell:  A messy, straight-to-DVD action / horror movie, Against the Dark begs the question:  Which is the real lumbering, undead monster?  A vampire?  Or Steven Seagal’s career?

Use the Buddy System!

Hold onto your eyeballs, because Event Horizon is the Greatest Movie EVER?

Review in a Nutshell:  Cobbling together elements from Solaris, Hellraiser, Alien, and The Shining does not guarantee a good science fiction / horror film.   The movie’s strong cast and solid set design can’t compensate for a disconnected, fundamentally absurd plot.

COMING SOON!

Sho Kosugi does some funky hand-jive.

Bathtub Dizziness vs Hospital Sex?

Grease up your Bio-Port, because eXistenZ is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell:  An inspired and unsettling piece of metafiction, eXistenZ is also a sexually-charged, reality-bending science fiction film.  Long live the New Flesh!

This movie contains:

Mutated Amphibians.

Exciting Advances in Game Technology.

Symbolism, maybe?

Ewwwwww!  Don’t stick your tongue in my Bio-Port!

EDIT!  This podcast contains:

Jeremy, from Destroy All Podcasts DX.  I’d insert another witty caption to go with this picture,

but I’m too entranced by the sheer manliness of his passionate bass playing.

Respekdagater!

Hold onto your hair-plugs, because Alligator is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Review in a Nutshell:  Humorous and horrific, tightly edited and carefully paced, Alligator is the giant reptile movie that all the others imitate.  Accept no substitutes!

This movie contains:

Robert Forster, the World’s Unluckiest Cop.

Henry Silva, Great White Hunter.

Male Pattern Baldness.

Gators Crashin’ Your Garden Party.