The Greatest Movie EVER! Podcast
Reviewing only the finest films in the history of cinema. And robots, too.
Get ready to wave some hippy crystals, because
Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within is (definitely not) the Greatest Movie EVER!
Review in a Nutshell: Technically astonishing but emotionally empty, Final Fantasy may have worked better as a video game rather than a full-length theatrical film. A weak plot and cliche characters diminish the power of the film’s extraordinary visuals.
COMING SOON!
“Who put this giant cheese grater in my spaceship?”
Keep your freaking flight mask ON,
because Wing Commander is the Greatest Movie EVER!
This movie contains:
Space Kittens.
SPACE BULLDOZER.
Final Thought:
“Oh, come on, Scooby Doo wasn’t that bad…”
COMING SOON!
We keep the pain train rolling full steam when Angel, George and I tackle
Dungeons & Dragons: Wrath of the Dragon God.
Abobo can’t drive, and Double Dragon is the Greatest Movie EVER!
This movie contains:
Awesome Hair.
AWESOME HAIR.
Fuzzy Memories.
ERRATA:
I got Michael Berryman’s name wrong. Sorry, Michael!
COMING SOON!
The Month of Mark Dacascos gets preempted for a very special Mother’s Day.
Anderson thinks it’s Alice uber allis, and
Resident Evil: Extinction is the ‘Greatest’ Movie EVER.
This movie contains:
Mary Sue…er, I mean ‘Alice’.
“Hey, where’d my character go?”
Zombies. They HATE chain-link fences.
CROWS. (peck peck peck peck peck peck peck)
Severe Food Allergies. Oh, wait, that’s a Tyrant.
Piles and Piles of Dead Alice Clones.
The Big Week of (Philip K.) Dick commences October1,
but in the meantime Dead or Alive is the Worst (Meh-est?) Movie EVER!
NOTE: If the show sounds a little static-filled this time around, it’s because I forgot to recalibrate my mixer after lending it to Daryl Surat during Anime Weekend Atlanta. I’ve fixed the problem; it shouldn’t happen again. (I sent the DVD back to Netflix without capturing any screens or sound effects, so here are some images swiped from Google Imagesearch.)
This film contains:
Purple Hair! (Thanks, IGN!)
Girl Fights!
CHEESECAKE.
COMING SOON!
“The Second Variety? I thought this was RoboCop 2…”
Buckle on your Power Glove, because
The Wizard is the Greatest (Worst?) Movie EVER!
This film contains:
NINTENDO PROPAGANDA.
NINTENDO PROPAGANDA.
Morons.
Pedophiles.
COMING SOON!
A movie with Dr. Mark Dacascos and President Lou Gossett Jr
facing off against an Angry Mr. Sun.
Destroy all expectations, because Mortal Kombat: Annihilation is the Worst Movie EVER!
This film contains:
Villains with Choice Hats.
Ninjas. (Suddenly, hundreds of them.)
Red Hot Undead Mamas.
Touching Drama!
Kung Fu-wielding Dragons.
And speaking of Dragons…
COMING SOON!
Somebody call Stromnir!
It doesn’t take a rocket-scientist to realize that BloodRayne is the Worst Movie EVER. And yet, I think the entire world should watch it. Everyone must know my pain.
On a side note, if it sounds like my voice is being strained through the guts of a cybernetic monkey, that’s because I had one of the quality settings incorrect when I recorded this. I apologize in advance.
2 Minutes, 57 Seconds In:
Kristanna Loken. She’s a cutie.
3 Minutes, 18 Seconds In:
Sir Ben Kingsley in another outrageous wig.
This is the only expression he uses in the entire film.
5 Minutes, 2 Seconds In:
Michael Madsen does not know how to swing a sword.
5 Minutes, 22 Seconds In:
Damostir, Kagan’s chief thrall. I dig his punk-rock haircut.
9 Minutes, 41 Seconds In:
MEATLOAF!!! OH SNAP!
CLOSING THOUGHT!
For all those that are not yet convinced
that this movie was made under the influence of intoxicating substances:
Purple haze / up in my brain!
COMING SOON!
This photo makes me think naughty things.
Well, it doesn’t really involve time travel, but it does have alternate dimensions. And that’s why Super Mario Brothers is the Greatest Movie EVER.
9 Minutes, 29 Seconds In:
Dennis Hopper as Koopa. That’s his real tongue.
10 Minutes, 26 Seconds In:
That’s not big hair?
10 Minutes, 39 Seconds In:
Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo as the Mario Brothers. Chicks dig the `stache.
11 Minutes, 43 Seconds In:
GOOMBA ALERT!
13 Minutes, 48 Seconds In:
It becomes clear that the Almighty Gooberzilla does not know the lingo.
19 Minutes, 50 Seconds In:
Chimps are the epitome of hilarity.
The Greatest Movie EVER! Podcast 