Category Archives: Horror

Eldritch Horrors: The Call of Cthulhu

(Banner courtesy of Michael Scally. Thanks, Mike!)

Hold onto your sanity, because The Call of Cthulhu is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film,

featuring Clarissa and Gerald of Anime World Order and Jeff Tatarek of the Lather’s Blather podcast.

Review in a Nutshell:  The H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society outdid themselves with this one.  The Call of Cthulhu is perhaps the most faithful Lovecraft film adaptation to date, and it’s also a wonderful piece of silent film-making.

ERRATA:  La Sombra Prohibida actually means “The Forbidden Shadow”, not “The Forbidden Sleep.” 

FINAL THOUGHT:

Cthulhu Mythos got you down?  Try Elder Sign!

Eldritch Horrors: Dagon

(Banner courtesy of Michael Scally.  Thanks, Mike!)

I hope you like kalamari, because Dagon is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Clarissa from Anime World Order.

This movie contains:

Computer Nerds.

Evil Cultists.

Squid Priestesses.

FINAL THOUGHT:

The Great Old Ones think you smell fantastic.

Eldritch Horrors: Re-Animator

(Banner courtesy of Michael Scally.  Thanks, Mike!)

Hold onto your heads, because Re-Animator is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

This movie contains:

Mad Science.

Zombies.

Vigilant Security Guards.

FINAL THOUGHT:

Herbert West wants you to groove to the beat.

House of 1000 Fishies?

Inflate your intertubes and break out the beach chairs, because Piranha (1978) is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the poster or the movie title above to download our review of the film, featuring a rather traumatized Katherine the Great.

Review in a Nutshell:  Despite a derivative plot and a low budget, Piranha is a remarkably effective horror movie certain to thrill and delight.  It’s still able to make poor Katherine squirm.

This movie contains:

Drunken Protagonists.

Mad Scientists.

Evil, Fish Geneticist Girlfriends.

WHAT HAS SCIENCE WROUGHT!?!

Der Uberklaw

Hide the mirrors, because Prince of Darkness is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click the movie poster or title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell:  A great concept hampered by some weak characterizations, Prince of Darkness is a film that almost suceeds at replicating Lovecraftian cosmic horror.  It serves as the second entry of John Carpenter’s “Apocalypse Trilogy”.

This movie contains:

Satan?

Satan.

SATAN!!!

Not to be confused with Werewolf Women of the S.S.

Break out the flea collars, because Howling 2: Your Sister is a Werewolf is The Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring special guest host Keith Allison from Teleport City.

Review in a Nutshell:  Featuring titanium bullets, new wave rockers, and an eight thousand year old werewolf matriarch, Howling 2: Your Sister is a Werewolf is a stupifyingly terrible film.  It’s the cinematic equivalent of being hit in the helmet by a morningstar-wielding midget.  Watch it with someone you love.

This movie contains:

Christopher Lee in Raver Shades.

Black Magic.

Force Lightning.

Ugly American Tourism.

Makin’ Bacon

Load up your kangaroo-shootin’ rifle, because Razorback is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Katherine the Great.

Review in a Nutshell:  At times strangely psychedelic, Razorback is a “killer critter” horror film with some strange artistic flourishes and a rather immobile giant boar puppet.  As Katherine says, this one falls somewhere in between Jaws and Jaws: The Revenge in terms of quality.

This movie contains:

Grandpa RAGE!

Typical Australian Hospitality.

There’s a giant rampaging boar hidden somewhere in this picture.  Can you spot it?

This Time It Really is “Drink Your Vegetables.”

Don’t spare the bologna sandwiches, because Troll 2 is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film, featuring Sean “Hollywood” Hunting.

Review in a Nutshell:   Wooden acting, cheap special effects, ridiculous fairy-tale logic, and crew of crazy Italians…it all adds up to one of the most awesomely bad movies in cinema history!

This movie contains:

Ghosts.

Goblins.

Delicious Vegan Cuisine.

Oh – oh dear God, no!  Just no!  DO NOT WANT!

FINAL THOUGHT:

OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

We Live to Rock!

Get ready to tune your weapons, because Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or the title above to download our review of the film.

Review in a Nutshell:  Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare is an astounding combination of eighties metal, demonic horror, and a third secret ingredient that makes this movie a low-budget mind-blower.  Do not miss this film!

ERRATA:  Jon Mikl Thor was in a movie called Zombie Nightmare, not “Zombie Massacre”, and he was on the Merv Griffin Show, not the Johnny Carson Show.  We needed to clear that up.

This film contains:

The Eighties.

WTF?

FINAL THOUGHT:

WE LIVE TO ROCK!

“Werewolves Kick the @#$% out of Vampires, Part 1”

Break out the repeating crossbows, because Underworld: Rise of the Lycans is the Greatest Movie EVER!

Click on the movie poster or movie title above to download our review of the film.

Review in a Nutshell: Underworld: Rise of the Lycans is the best of the Underworld series, mostly because it riffs on Lord of the Rings rather than The Matrix.  Also, this time the vampires finally get what’s coming to them.

This movie contains:

Ugly Vampires.

Scruffy Werewolves.

‘Unconfirmed’ Kills.